That’s Exactly How Contracts Work

, , , , , | Right | February 10, 2018

(I’m a leasing agent for a large community. We often go through the lease paperwork with new tenants that have been working with a different agent previously. On this occasion, I have completed the lease signing and am going through the move-in information, including the first payment.)

Me: “Okay, everything is all set. I just need your certified check for move-in. Your total is $900.00.”

Tenant: “What? The other guy said I only owed $500 for the first month’s rent!”

Me: “Yes, your monthly rent is $500, but you are moving in mid-month, so you actually owe the remainder of this month, plus next month.”

Tenant: “But that’s not what he said!”

(I show him the paperwork that clearly states that if you are moving in mid-month, you will have a prorated charge.)

Tenant: “But that’s not fair! I shouldn’t have to pay that!”

Me: “I’m really sorry if you misunderstood when you leased the apartment, but you do need to pay for the days you live here.”

Tenant: “You are stealing from me! You liar. I’m going to call corporate and get you fired!”

Me: “I’m really sorry you feel that way, but again, you signed the paperwork, and you can’t live here for free.”

Tenant: “Well, f*** you, b****! I guess I’ll just have to read things before I sign them, since you’re all a bunch of liars!”

Me: “Umm, yeah. I actually would recommend reading things before you sign them.”

Sounds Like Their Brain Is Leaking, Too

, , , | Right | February 10, 2018

(I work at a car dealership in the service department. Right before long weekends, we are always booked up with plenty of appointments, so if you don’t book early enough, you will not be getting your vehicle in.)

Me: *answering the phone* “Hi! [Car Dealership] service department. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hello, I am [Customer]. What is wrong with my vehicle?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What?”

Customer: “I need to know what’s wrong with my vehicle; it is leaking.”

Me: “Well, sir, what is it leaking?”

Customer: “I don’t know… Fluid.”

Me: “Well, if you make an appointment and bring the vehicle in, we can check that out for you.”

Customer: “So, you can’t tell me what’s wrong with my vehicle?”

Me: “No, sir. We would need to see the vehicle.”

Customer: “Fine, I will bring it in Tuesday.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but we are currently booking the week after next week.”

Customer: “No, I will bring it in this coming Tuesday.”

Me: “Sir, we are already completely booked up for that day; the fastest I can get you in is the following Tuesday.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. I have been a customer here for ten years, and this is how you treat me? You can’t even tell me what’s wrong with my vehicle; why should I bring it in to be fixed? For all I know, it’s not even broken!”

Me: “Sir, you called and told us the issue.”

Customer: “Regardless, you will have to move someone out of their spot to fit me in, as I am a return customer of ten years.”

Me: “I am sorry, but that is not how this works. I cannot move someone who called earlier and tell them I need to move their appointment.”

Customer: “YOU LISTEN HERE! THIS IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH; I AM A DOCTOR AND I NEED MY VEHICLE FIXED!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but regardless of your profession, I cannot move your appointment up any further than the following Tuesday. Would you like me to book that in?”

Customer: “LISTEN TO WHAT I AM SAYING. I DO NOT NEED TO TELL YOU WHOSE JOB, BETWEEN US, IS MORE IMPORTANT, DO I?”

Me: “No, you do not; however, it doesn’t change the fact that I cannot diagnose your issue without seeing the vehicle, and I cannot get your appointment to happen any faster.”

Customer: “PEOPLE WILL DIE, AND IT’S YOUR FAULT! I HOPE YOU CAN LIVE WITH THAT!”

(The customer then hung up. At this point everyone in service was staring at me because they could hear this very angry customer screaming at me over the phone.)


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Lacking A Different Kind Of Brand Awareness

, , , , , | Right | February 9, 2018

(I work in a large department store. The homewares department is made up of a lot of different brands, all with their own staff. However, you can pay at any cash register, so quite often I will be putting another company’s product through my till. A customer comes to the till with one of my items and an armful of items from [Brand], whose till is just across from mine.)

Customer: “Can I pay for all of this here?”

Me: “Yes, that’s no problem!”

(I scan my item and wrap it, then start on the items from [Brand].)

Customer: “Do you have more of those?”

Me: “Unfortunately, this is from a different department, so I don’t know about their stock levels. Their own staff will be able to help you with that!”

Customer: “Okay… What about these, do you have more of these?”

Me: “These are also from [Brand], so I’m afraid I don’t have any information.”

Customer: “You probably have them in your stockroom, though, right? Can’t you just check?”

Me: “I only have access to my brand’s stockroom, so they’re definitely not in there!”

Customer: “But I need more.”

Me: “Well, if you ask the gentleman standing just over there in the blue shirt, he is the manager of [Brand]. He will definitely have the answers for you. Sorry I can’t be of more help!”

Customer: *sigh* “Fine, whatever.”

(I finish the transaction, and the customer moves to the end of the till to sort out his bags and put his receipt and change away. I move on to the next customer in line.)

Customer #2: “Hi, I was hoping to get a set of [item]; do you have any more?”

Me: “Yes, absolutely. We just got a box in this morning. I’ll just grab them for you.”

Customer #1: “YOU LAZY COW!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer #1: “I kept asking you for more s***, and you kept saying you didn’t have any! You f****** liar! You just couldn’t be bothered to even check!”

Me: “Sir, I explained to you that the items you wanted were not from my department, so I was unable to check for you. This customer is purchasing my stock, so I can get more. I’m sorry for the confusion, but as I said before, the manager just behind you—”

Customer #1: “You’re such a lazy f****** idiot. How did you even get a job for [Brand]?!”

Me: “Well, I didn’t. I work for [My Brand], and if you had asked for more of my own items, I would have been able to get them. Instead, I directed you to the appropriate person, who is still standing in the same spot, waiting to help you. I hope you’re able to find everything you need. Have a lovely night.”

(The customer proceeded to go to the [Brand] manager and give him a list of reasons he should fire me, despite being told, once again, that I didn’t even work for them!)

Where There’s Smoking, There’s A Fire

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2018

(I work at a call center that provides materials for smoking cessation.)

Caller: “I need products sent to me.”

Me: “Certainly! What’s the address?”

Caller: “Which address do you want? Mine or my mom’s?”

Me: “Wherever you’d like the products sent.”

Caller: *clearly frustrated and upset, gives an address* “Just send them there.”

Me: “No problem!”

(He calls in a few weeks later.)

Caller: “I’m still smoking, and it’s all your f****** fault!”

Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

Caller: “Mail gets stolen from my mailbox all the time, and you sent my patches here, and they got stolen! You sent them to my address, not my mom’s.”

Me: “I have [address] as the address for you. Is that where you wanted them sent?”

Caller: “NO! I wanted them sent to my mom’s address, but I didn’t give you that one because it would be like I didn’t have my own address. Like I wasn’t an adult. Like I was NOTHING! Thanks for helping people steal, you stupid b****!” *hangs up*

My Cup Runneth Over With Bad Customers

, , , , , , | Right | February 8, 2018

(I work at a popular clothing store in London. We don’t have customer bathrooms, but occasionally if we have a pregnant customer or someone with a child we will take them to the staff bathroom. This is a busy afternoon during the Christmas period, and a bunch of things have already gone wrong today. We are stressed. I notice a lady wandering around with a few items, and her little boy holding her hand.)

Boy: “Mummmmm, I have to gooooo!”

Customer: “In a minute. You just have to hold it.”

Boy: “Mummmmmmm!”

Me: “Hi there. Just so you know, I can take you back to use our staff bathroom; it’s not a problem.”

Customer: “Oh, no, thank you. It’s fine; he’s just bored!” *to boy* “We’ll go soon, I promise, and then we can go to [Nearby Toy Store]!”

(She wanders upstairs to the fitting rooms, and I don’t think any more about it, until a colleague’s voice comes over the walkie about ten minutes later.)

Colleague: “Um… I need a manager in the fitting rooms?”

Manager: “I’m in the office at the minute; is it something I can help with over walkie?”

Colleague: “You might want to come up here. I have a cup of urine.”

(As it turned out, the customer had let her little boy pee into a plastic cup, and she hid it behind the mirror in her fitting room.)

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