Watching A Movie Through The Eyes Of A Child

, , , , | Working | June 5, 2020

I am a babysitter to a four-year-old girl. She, like many small children, is obsessed with Disney movies, particularly one about an ice queen. She enjoys talking about the intricacies of the plot and scenes she likes, but her memory isn’t that great, so she will often ask for assistance to remember the details. However, her understanding of how memory works is… flawed.

Child: “Hey, [My Name], do you remember [very small portion of a non-important scene]?”

Me: “I don’t remember that one specifically, no.”

Child: “But you said you’ve seen this movie!”

Me: “I have, but not for a while.” 

Child: *After a pause* “There.” 

Me: “What, ‘there’?”

Child: “I’ve stopped thinking about it. Now you can have it.”

Me: “Wait, what?”

Child: “I’m not seeing the movie in my head anymore. That way you can see it.”

Me: “That’s… not the way it works.”

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Strap In And Prepare For Some Scary Nannying

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2020

(I work at a guest services desk at my local mall. I am watching a nanny on an iPad. A toddler who was sleeping in the stroller wakes up and gets twisted in the straps. He tries to get the nanny’s attention, but she just points her finger to wait until she is done, so he tries to wiggle himself out. The stroller tips over, he screams, and security and police come. I tell security and the police what I have witnessed.)

Nanny: “I’m gonna get you fired!”

Me: *snapping back* “Really? Well, you are the one who gets paid to watch the child, and apparently, using your iPad was much more important than your child. It would have taken less than a minute to untwist him from the stroller straps!”

(I was not fired. Dear parents and nannies, pay attention to your child, not so much your cell phone. A cell phone can be replaced; a child cannot.)

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Very Young Age Before Beauty

, , | Working | January 16, 2020

(I am babysitting a four-year-old girl. She is twirling around the living room in ballet slippers and a dress with a “magic wand,” occasionally pausing and demanding applause from her audience, which is me. Suddenly, she stops and bops me gently on the head with her wand.)

Girl: “I have turned you into a beautiful person!”

Me: “Oh, thank you!”

Girl: “You’re welcome!”

Me: “Wait… Does that mean I’m not a beautiful person usually?”

Girl: “You are a beautiful person. Now.”

(Talk about d***ed by faint praise!)

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A Pox On Both Their Houses!

, , , , , , | Working | October 11, 2019

(This takes place back in the early 90s, right before the chickenpox vaccine is released. I am only a toddler at the time and my family is about to go on a very expensive — and non-refundable — vacation. My babysitter at the time sometimes watches me with a friend of hers and the kid she babysits. That kid comes down with chickenpox, and the kid’s mother asks my mother if it is all right to expose me “to get it over with,” which my mom emphatically refuses due to our impending trip. She also tells my babysitter that she doesn’t want me to go over to that kid’s house while they are sick, which my babysitter agrees to. The next day, my babysitter is dropping me off and my mom sees the chickenpox kid in the car with me.)

Mom: “I told you I didn’t want her near [Other Kid]!”

Babysitter: “Oh, don’t worry, we didn’t have them in the house together at all!”

(I got chickenpox. My parents had to cancel the trip and forfeit their deposit. Twenty plus years later, my mom is still kicking herself over not being more specific in her instructions.)

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Too Much Play For That Boy

, , , , , , | Related | September 13, 2019

(Back in the seventies, my mom babysat a lot. One of her favorite stories was when she was babysitting a boy around eight years old. He had apparently gotten into his dad’s stash of — ahem — adult literature. When my mom found him with a certain bunny-themed racy magazine she took it away, much to the boy’s dismay. His best argument?)

Boy: “Hey! Give that back! My grandmother gave me that!”

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