Chippendales, The Golden Years

, , , | Right | October 10, 2008

(Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

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It’s What’s For Dinner

, , , | Right | September 25, 2008

Coworker: Welcome to [Fast Food Burger Joint]. What’s your beef?

Customer: “I ain’t got a beef; you got the beef. What’s YOUR beef?”

Coworker: “I got the good beef. You want some beef?”

Customer: “Yes, I want some beef. You gonna bring it?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I’ll bring it. You payin’?”

Customer: “Course I’m payin’. You makin’?”

Coworker: “Yes, we’re makin’.”

Customer: “Good, how much?”

Coworker: “You have to order first, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah…”

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A Heady Proposition

, , , | Romantic | September 20, 2008

Customer: “I have a big problem. You cut off my head!”

Me: “I’m sorry? How did I cut off your head?”

(The customer shows me an obviously self-taken picture, with the top of his head removed.)

Me: “Sir, it looks like it was taken that way.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t! My whole head was there when I took it. I’m sure!”

Me: “Okay, let me see your memory card…”

(The customer hands it to me, and I go in the lab and pull it up on the computer. Sure enough, he chopped his own head off in the picture.)

Me: “Sir, that is the whole image, and the top of your head isn’t in it.”

Customer: “But it’s DIGITAL! Can’t you fix it?”

Me: “You can’t create something from nothing.”

Customer: “But… but… but… I need a photo for a dating website!”

Me: “Give me the camera and go stand over there.”

Customer: *excited* “Hot d***! You can be my best man!”

Me: “A thank you card will be enough.”

(Skip ahead nine months…)

Female customer: “Is your name [My Name]?”

Me: “Yes, can I help you?”

Female customer: “My husband wanted you to have this.” *hands me an envelope*

(I opened the envelope, and sure enough, there was a thank you card with a picture of him and his wife. He actually got married and sent her in with the card!)

 

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Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(A customer spends about 15 minutes asking every employee where to find the 9 inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a 10-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a 9-inch taper candle–they only come in 6, 8, 10, 12, and 15 inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought 9-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a 9-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the 10-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR 9-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”

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