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The Masks Don’t Muffle These Idiots Enough

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: animasci_ | August 2, 2021

I’m a medical professional. I’ve been dealing with people who think the health crisis is a hoax or not serious, etc. I walk into a coffee shop and distance myself on the little circles they have that are six feet away from each other. There are just a few people in the store and it’s pretty big so, overall, I feel safe.

I’m minding my business when this woman walks in. I don’t notice her until I hear a barista say:

Barista: “Excuse me. You need a mask to be inside the store.”

I turn to witness a look of horror on this woman’s face, as if she didn’t see the countless signs stating you need a mask, and or she didn’t realize there was a health crisis.

Woman: “All I want is a coffee.”

Barista: “I’ll be happy to make you one when you put a mask on.”

Woman: “But—”

Me: “Nope.”

Woman: “What?”

Me: “Nope. These workers don’t get paid enough to make coffee and babysit children.”

Woman: “Excu—”

Me: “Nope.”

Woman: “I—”

Me: “Out.”

She goes to speak again.

Me: “Nope, out.”

It feels like I am talking to a misbehaving puppy, and she looks just as sad. She turns to the only line of defense she has left.

Woman: “I’ll get you fired!”

Me: “I don’t work here.”

Woman: “I’ll find your boss!”

Me: “I am my boss.”

She short-circuited, made a weird, grunting, angry sound, and left.

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A Tale Of Moms Helping Moms

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: Potato-the-sloth | August 1, 2021

I checked in a guest who is sweet right off the bat. She tells me about her life and how she is a foster mother and how she has adopted most of her children. I gush over her and her inspiring life choices, and then she thanks me and leaves to get settled in.

While this is transpiring, another guest I checked in earlier comes up to the desk looking upset. I know exactly why. When she was checking in, she lied about how many people were in her room and my manager caught them. They were told about our capacity limit per room and how they would have to purchase another room if they wanted to stay. She has two adults and six children but our cap is five people for regular rooms and six for suites.

I release the hold on her card and cancel her reservation. I apologize and reiterate that I have to follow policy. She leaves, looking defeated.

Ten minutes later, the sweet foster mother walks up to the front desk.

Me: “Hey! Welcome back. What can I do for you?”

Guest: “Do you all have any adjoining rooms available?”

Me: “I’d have to check, but we should.”

Guest: “Great. If you do, I’d like to buy a room for the lady that just left with all of those kids.”

Me: “That is the sweetest thing. You don’t have to do that, but you are welcome to if you’d like.”

She left and went outside to tell the mother of the six kids that she could pay for the room while I stayed standing dumbstruck at the desk.

They came back in and asked for the price of the rooms. I let the kind guest know that she would be responsible for any extra charges and fees accrued if the room was trashed and that I could continue with the reservation process if she was comfortable and understood this. She agreed and we continued.

The mother of six, I could tell, felt so grateful. She said she wanted to celebrate her son’s birthday but it’s hard to find places that accept that many people. It made my night, her night, and her kid’s night. They only wanted to swim and enjoy a five-year-old’s birthday. The room didn’t end up trashed, either.

It may not seem like much, but the kindness of a stranger after a dumpster fire year really made me feel like there is hope for us all yet.

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Why Would Anyone Help Anyone Ever?!

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: HyperMushrambo | July 31, 2021

I work at a popular fast food chain. I am visiting a retail chain straight out of work. I am still in uniform and my hair is a mess, so I still have my [Fast Food Chain] hat on.

I swing by electronics to check out the games, and while I am looking at them, there is a pretty young kid and his mother talking to an employee about what game he wants to get. I overhear their whole conversation. He wants a Pokémon game but doesn’t know which one to get. His mom clearly has no idea and the employee, a very pleasant older gentleman who doesn’t know BEANS about something like Pokémon, is trying to help puzzle out the difference between two games.

I love the kid’s enthusiasm and totally understand his anxiety about wanting to get the right one, and since I can see his mother and the employee struggling, I go ahead and politely interject. I explain the general difference between the games and answer the kid’s questions about them. He eventually makes a decision and the (very relieved) adults head off to the register to check out.

I am about to leave when an older woman and her husband get my attention.

Woman: “I need help with the TVs.”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t really know anything about TVs.”

Woman: *Huffily* “Why not? Aren’t you expected to?”

I realized that, in spite of my uniform, she thinks I am an employee. I laugh.

Me: “Sorry, I don’t work here; I work for [Fast Food Chain].”

Woman: *Huffing again* “Well, you were helping those people just a minute ago.”

Me: “Yes, because I knew the answer and was able to help.”

Woman: *Snorting* “Why would you do that if you don’t work here?”

I am genuinely baffled by the question.

Me: “To… be nice?”

Woman: “I don’t know why you would do something like that.”

I just stare at her. How do you even respond to that? After a moment of silence:

Woman: “So, can you help me with the TVs or not?”

Me: “No.”

And I walked away. I don’t quite understand what about basic human kindness is so confusing, but there it sits. But the little boy got his game, and at the end of the day, that’s what really matters.

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Yes! Flex That Beautiful Authority!

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Hysterical_Realist | July 30, 2021

In my day job, I’ve been working from home for the entire health crisis period. We are in the planning stages to finally move back into the office soon. To that end, I was tasked — along with a couple of management-type people — to head over to our local grocery store to price out supplies for a “welcome back” social event at the office — cleaning supplies plus food-type things that we could put together in a grab-and-go-style conference room function.

The dress code for workers at this store incorporated a white dress shirt, black khaki pants, and a black nametag on the chest. Those who were still masked wore black masks with the store logo prominently displayed on the cheek. None of us office workers were dressed in any way remotely resembling this.

But we were all carrying clipboards to take notes for later when we were ready to come back and buy the stuff. Hence the confusion, I suppose. A customer approached us, and, without even a greeting, started up with her demands.

Customer: “You guys are out of [product]. I need you to go get some from the back.”

Me: “Oh, sorry, I know I’m carrying a clipboard, but I don’t actually work here. You can tell any employee from how they’re dressed; I’m sure they’ll be happy to help you.”

Customer: “I do not find this acceptable. You either help me this instant or go get your manager who will fire you and then help me.”

I flagged over one of my bosses.

Me: “You want to talk to my manager? Here she is.”

And I stepped aside. The customer laid into my boss.

Customer: “You really need to train your employees better. This man—” *jabs a finger to my chest* “—is refusing to help me! You need to review his employment status, and then GET ME WHAT I NEED!”

My boss half-ignored the customer.

Boss #1: “Hey, [My Name], did you get a second job at the store without telling me?”

Me: “Nope. I still work for you, not for them!”

Boss #1: “Okay then, carry on. I’m sure this lady can find a store worker to help her.”

One unfortunate aspect of the culture we live in is that a woman in authority is not always taken as seriously as she should be. It’s doubly true for [Boss #1], who, in addition to her gregarious personality, is also on the smaller size physically. Additionally, although she’s in her mid-thirties, she happens to look legitimately twelve years old.

The customer, on the other hand, had reached red hot status and had now found herself a second target.

Customer: “*UN. F******. BELIEVABLE. I CAN’T BELIEVE THE DISRESPECTFUL LITTLE CHILDREN THEY LET INTO THIS STORE! YOU ARE GOING TO HELP ME NOW OR I WILL REPORT YOU DIRECTLY TO THE OWNER, WHO GOES TO MY CHURCH!”

That’s when [Boss #2] rounded the corner, witnessed the situation, and immediately figured out what was going on. [Boss #2] is pretty much the opposite of [Boss #1]. She’s six feet tall. She’s very solidly built physically; she doesn’t walk so much as she lumbers. She’s ex-military and is fully trained to take charge in a wartime situation. Short version, this woman KNOWS how to effectively take up the ample space she’s been given. Bonus points: she’s British and her accent gives her an extra weight of authority when she wants to flex it.

She wanted to flex her authority. She walked up behind the customer and asked in her best command voice:

Boss #2: “Is there a problem here?”

The customer took on a smug facial expression as if to say, “Finally, I found somebody competent.” Then, she turned around and took a look at [Boss #2] in her mountainous position directly behind her. I saw her face lose its smugness, and the only sound she could manage was a half-surprised, half-terrified squeak.

Boss #2: “THESE PEOPLE HAVE TOLD YOU ALREADY THEY DON’T WORK HERE. I SUGGEST YOU WALK AWAY RIGHT NOW, PERHAPS LEAVE THE STORE, BEFORE THINGS GET A LITTLE MORE UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU. ARE WE IN AGREEMENT HERE?”

The customer started moving away rapidly in a manner I can only describe as “scampering.” I suspect she actually did leave the store, because her face suggested she was unable to co-exist in the same space as her abject embarrassment. And the three of us office-types were able to finish our party planning and make it out of the store without further incident.

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That’s It. You’ve Peaked.

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: InTheLoudHouse | July 29, 2021

I’m a woman in my twenties working behind the bar. I’m ringing in an order on the register when a man in his forties approaches.

Man: “Hey.”

I look up at him.

Man: “I’m picturing you naked right now.”

Me: “Oh? Are you impressed by my massive horse c**k?”

I have never seen a grown man rethink his existence so quickly. His friends laughed, many a swordfight joke was made, and I (hypothetically) won them all.

Nothing so satisfying will happen to me at work ever again. Where do we go from here?

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