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A Good Hair Day

, , , , | Right | January 11, 2023

I’m a pretty hairy man; my sister frequently describes me as looking like Santa Claus. We went to dinner the other night, and when I was getting down to mostly done with my meal, I found a hair in it. Now I know it wasn’t there when the server brought the meal, plus it looks very much like one of mine, so obviously I lost one and it wound up on my plate.

No big deal, except that the server was passing by and saw me pull it out and freaked.

Server: “Oh my god, sir, I’m so sorry, I’ll get that replaced right away!”

Sometimes I can get the wisecrack right when I need it, not ten minutes later…

Me: “No, it’s okay… this is mine. I keep them numbered just for such occasions… this is 18537.”

She made some strange noises trying to not laugh and thanked me for being understanding.

Every Now And Then, Things Just Work Out

, , , | Right | CREDIT: realtomgl | January 11, 2023

One day at my old hotel, a guest came to check in. He was an elderly man with a walker, and he was very sweet.

Guest: “I really need an accessible room with a roll-in shower. Most of your regular rooms have tub/shower combos, and I can’t use lift my leg to get into a tub. I had to book last-minute due to a family emergency, and only standard rooms were available.”

I double-checked the inventory and, yes, all accessible rooms were either rented or had been reserved for today. I started checking the arrivals list. Maybe one of our regulars had booked an accessible room by mistake — it happens — and would switch to a standard. But only one reservation had booked an accessible room, and it was through a third party, so there was no way to tell whether that person really needed it or not.

I was about to explain to [Guest] that we just didn’t have any accessible rooms available when I overheard my coworker greet and begin to check in a couple that walked up. This couple had the third-party reservation. I quickly excused myself from my station, dashed over to my coworker, and interrupted.

Me: “Do you need an accessible room, or would you prefer a standard king with a standard bathroom?”

The couple seemed confused. The third-party site hadn’t specified to them what kind of room they were getting, but they didn’t need a roll-in shower room.

I quickly told my coworker to switch their room with [Guest]’s room.

I went back to [Guest] and explained what was happening, and he walked over to the couple and gave them a hug.

Somehow, Serendipity was on our side and everyone got the room they wanted. [Guest] was very grateful, and we got a glowing review online.

Best Not Zoom In On Those Opinions

, , , , , | Working | January 11, 2023

I have an office coworker who does the absolute bare minimum to get by, but they do get by. They finish all their assigned work, to a standard considered adequate by the company guidelines, and they are out of the office the moment the clock hits five. They are never late, never below standard, and never in trouble. I admire him!

The world goes bananas for a few years, and we are all working from home. Our entire team is expected to be present for morning meetings over Zoom. We are all in attendance, but our aforementioned coworker is the only one with their camera off.

Our boss is a bit of a micromanager, a total misogynist, and a transphobic bigot, and has had it out for [Coworker] since day one. Our [Coworker]’s talent for always being 100% within the rules is also a cause of infuriation for our boss – another thing I admire!

Boss: “[Coworker], are you there?”

Coworker: “Present and accounted for!”

Boss: “Could you turn on your camera?”

Coworker: “Why?”

Boss: “Well, everyone else has theirs on. It’s easier to communicate if we can see you.”

Coworker: “Yeah, thing is… I’m naked.”

Boss: “What?! But you’re at work!”

Coworker: “I’m also at home, so… nakey-nakey.”

Boss: “You can’t be naked while you work!”

Coworker: “Why not?”

Boss: “Because… because it’s obscene!”

Coworker: “Yet you’re the one who is asking me to turn on my camera and expose myself?”

Boss: “I… I…”

Me:Anyway, moving on to the meeting agenda!”

I got the meeting back on track and saved my boss from having a fit. Afterward, an email went out saying that all attendees for the morning Zoom call should have their cameras turned on and be wearing work-appropriate attire.

The next day.

Boss: “Thank you all for joining the call, I’d like to… [Coworker]… what are you wearing?”

Coworker: “It’s a dress.”

Boss: “You can’t wear a dress!”

Coworker: “[Female Coworker] is wearing a dress.”

Boss: “Yes, but, she’s a woman!”

Coworker: “You sure you want to pick that scab?”

Boss: “But…”

Coworker: “This is one of the dresses my wife wears to her office and it’s 100% work appropriate.”

I quickly take over the meeting again before our boss gets himself into an HR incident. I know my coworker was intentionally pushing buttons, but since he works so very hard to 100% be within the technical rules nothing could be done, and thank goodness for that, he keeps the meetings interesting!

Any requirements to have the camera turned on for Zoom meetings were rescinded by the end of the week after he started wearing make-up and eyelash extensions (again, never too extreme to be against company guidelines) and it was too much for our narrow-minded boss to handle.

Exploration Games!

, , , , , | Right | January 11, 2023

My old job was at an abandoned naval munitions storage facility turned industrial storage facility in the Lower Valley on Oahu. The property had been built and activated sometime in the 30s and abandoned in the 90s, so there were always things to find whether onsite or through information requests to the library of congress.

The coolest thing came to us through the hands of a tenant though: two entire bunkers of arcade machines, prizes, and karaoke equipment.

Keeping in mind that each bunker is roughly four thousand square feet and they were packed, wall to wall and floor to ceiling.

While I can’t discuss how or why this became something that I, as the head of security, became involved in, it took us the better part of two years to empty the bunkers and sort through everything.

We found everything from wooden arcades from the 1940’s to DDR, as well as a massive circular imported Super Mario game that was sectional, and, when fully assembled was about seven feet tall and five feet wide. Throughout the process, we would bring a generator, power up arcades, and play for a little while at a time.

Eventually, everything got sold, but it was a fun time, one of my favorite eras of the valley!

You’ve Been Cancelled

, , , | Right | January 11, 2023

One of our coworkers has just been promoted to the manager of our check-in and concierge desk. It’s only been a month since the promotion, but morale amongst the staff is at an all-time high since, while she will go above and beyond for most guests, she will also go as far in the opposite direction to a**hole guests.

I see her helping check in a guest when another guest approaches the desk and snaps his fingers at her.

Guest: “Hey!” *Snaps* “Hey! I’m ready to check in!”

Manager: “I will be with you just a moment, sir.”

Guest: *Snaps* “But I’m ready now!”

In a quick motion (and thus creating a moment I will never forget – yay, core memories!) my manager snaps her fingers back at the guest!

Manager: *Snaps* “And I will be with you in a moment… sir!”

The guest is momentarily dumbfounded but regains his composure when it’s time for him to check in. I actually become available to serve him, but my manager gives me a look that I know to mean, “Hold off… he’s mine.”

Manager: “I can see you’re staying in our [Economy Range] room tonight, sir.”

Guest: “Yes, and you will be upgrading me for free for being so rude.”

Manager: “I’m afraid you’re not eligible for any upgrades, sir.”

Guest: “Then I guess we’ll have to talk to your manager about how rude you’ve been to a premium-member guest.”

Manager: “I am the manager, sir, and no upgrades.”

Guest: “If you don’t upgrade me, I’ll cancel!”

Manager: “Splendid! We actually have a waitlist for availability sent by other hotels due to the convention in town this weekend. The other hotels will be so grateful.”

Guest: “Wait, I didn’t mean—”

Manager: “Sir, you said you’d upgrade or cancel. Since an upgrade is impossible, I assume you intend to cancel?”

Guest: “You’re being so rude, you [racist slur]!”

Manager: “Cancellation it is! Have a good night, sir!”

She smiled her customer service smile and told me to give his room to the first person on the waitlist from our sister hotel. It was gone in five minutes, and the problem guest was gone by then, too!