He Was In Arizona All Along

, , , , , , | Romantic | June 14, 2019

(While we’re at the mall, I sit down at a table to take a break while my wife wanders off to look in [National Candle Store Chain]. When she comes back, she is grinning and can barely contain her laughter.)

Me: “What are you laughing at?”

Wife: “Well, I saw a post on the Internet about a specific candle scent. Apparently, someone claimed it smelled like the perfect man. The post has a lot of replies with variations on the theme of, ‘I went and smelled it, and you were right; it is the scent of the perfect man!’ So, I was curious and had to go smell it myself.”

Me: “And? What did it smell like?”

Wife: “You!”

Me: *confused* “What?”

Wife: “It is the same scent as your body wash!”

(I don’t mean to brag, but… I have multiple people on the Internet claiming that I’m the perfect man. I still tease my wife about this.)

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Addressing The Dress Issue

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | June 12, 2019

(I am on my lunch break, sitting in a small pizza place. The seating is limited, so a dad and his daughter, around five years old, end up sitting right next to me. I’m not paying too much attention to them, so I’m not sure what the context is, but at some point, the daughter must have said that something, probably a toy, is a girl.)

Dad: “Why is it a girl?”

Daughter: “Because she has a dress.”

Dad: “Well, that doesn’t mean that it’s a girl.”

Daughter: “Yes, it does. Girls wear dresses.”

Dad: “But boys can wear dresses, too.”

(The daughter is silent for a moment as she thinks.)

Daughter: “That’s silly. Boys can’t wear dresses.”

Dad: “Why not?”

Daughter: *another pause to think* “Because dresses are for girls.”

Dad: “Some boys like to wear dresses.”

Daughter: *laughs as if the dad told a joke* “You don’t wear dresses”

Dad: “No, because I don’t want to. But some boys do.”

(By this point, I had finished my lunch and I needed to get back to work. The daughter was quiet again, so either she was still confused, or accepted what her dad said. The fact that someone was willing to teach their young child something like gender neutrality at a young age was so heartwarming, and I could tell that she was being raised well.)

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Just Another Day In The British Countryside

, , , , , | Hopeless | June 8, 2019

(It’s a very, very quiet British Sunday. I am sitting at a train station, alone. No trains are due for a while and I am waiting for a connection. I can’t even hear traffic, it’s so quiet, and I can’t see any staff. Suddenly…)

Platform PA: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is a station announcement. This is for the lady that just brought us the cake… Thank you very much; it was delicious.”

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You’ll Get A Kick Out Of This

, , , , , , , | Right | June 6, 2019

(I work at a cafe located between a dance studio and a karate studio. Because of our position, a lot of kids and teens from both studios eat here. During this incident, a young man in his twenties is harassing a group of teenage dancers still in their ballet leotards.)

Man: “Hey, baby, nice a**! Can you bend over backward for me?”

(The girls look uncomfortable, so I intervene.)

Me: “Sir, if you continue to harass my customers, I will have to ask you to leave.”

Man: “You can’t kick me out, you little s***! I’m a paying customer.”

(I’m about to say something when a ten-year-old girl in a karate gi walks up to the man.)

Man: “Oh, little karate kid is here. Be careful and don’t break a nail.” *laughs*

(Out of nowhere, the little girl grabs the man, flips him, and kicks him in the groin. Now the man is lying on the floor in pain. The dancer girls and I look shocked, the little girl just shrugs and walks up to the counter.)

Little Girl: “Can I have ice cream, please?”

(The dancer girls offered to pay for the little girl’s ice cream, but I gave her the ice cream for free.)

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A Sizably Good Problem To Have

, , , , , | Right | June 4, 2019

(I’m working the refunds desk when a very chipper woman comes to the counter.)

Me: “Hello. What can I help you with today?”

Customer: *with a huge smile* “Hi there. I bought this shirt here yesterday but I need to return it.” *hands me the receipt*

Me: “All righty, no problem. May I ask what was wrong with it?”

Customer: “It was a couple of sizes too big. Can I get an exchange for a smaller size? God, I haven’t been able to say that in ten years. I’m so freaking happy right now.”

Me: “Excellent. Congrats on that. Absolutely you can; just bring it to the other side of the desk when you have it.”

Customer: “Thanks so much. Today is an awesome freaking day!”

(I have seen her often over the years. She doesn’t shop in plus-size anymore, and the last time I saw her she was wearing an engagement ring.)

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