(I work for the billing department for a big cable company. I speak English clearly, but it’s my second language.)

Lady: “I just got my bill and it says I owe you $400 in adult films, but I haven’t watched them.”

Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience, but we got that information from your receiver. Do you think maybe somebody in your house might have ordered them?”

Lady: “No, there’s only me and my nephew.”

Me: “How old is your nephew?”

Lady: “He’s 14 years old, but he would never do that! I need you to credit my account for the whole amount.”

Me: “Again, I apologize for the inconvenience but I won’t be able to do this at this time. I see we have credited your account twice in the last six months.”

Lady: “I need the credit NOW, you hear me!”

Me: “I understand your frustration, but as I told you before it’s impossible for me to do that at this moment.”

Lady: “What? What did you say? I can’t understand you… You have a really thick accent!”

Me: “I apologize; I said I won’t be able to credit your account at this time.”

Lady: “What? You need to learn English before you get on the phones. I can’t understand a word you said!”

Me: “Okay… So, would you like me to credit your account for 600 dollars?”

Lady: “Yes, that’s what I’m asking for! THANK YOU.”

Me: “Oh, so now you understand my English. Sorry, we cannot credit your account at this time.”

Lady: “Let me speak to a supervisor!”

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to know why I received a late fee on my statement?”

Me: “Let me check for you… I do apologize, sir. Your payment was received fifteen days after the due date, which caused the fee.”

Customer: “I see. Can you remove it?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no. You have had three removed this year already. This fee will not be removed.”

Customer: “What do you mean you won’t remove the f****** fee?! I always pay on time!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What, are you stupid? Your god-d*** mother not educate you? Are you some kind of bank Nazi? Remove my fee!”

Me: “As I stated, this fee is valid and will not be removed.”

(This went on for about four to five minutes, his requests heavily sprinkled with profanity and insults.)

Customer: “Fine, you know what? You can take this g0d-d*** mo****-f****** Visa card and shove it up your god-d*** mo****-fu***** a**!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. My a** only accepts American Express.” *click*

(A customer spends about fifteen minutes asking every employee where to find the nine-inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a ten-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a nine-inch taper candle–they only come in six, eight, ten, twelve, and fifteen inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought nine-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a nine-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the ten-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR NINE-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”

This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories About Employees Giving The Customer The Perfect Comeback

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Me: “Good afternoon. Who am I talking to?”

Customer: “It’s the tenth time I’m calling in! Please just transfer me already.”

Me: “Who am I talking to?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer]. Now transfer me to the right section.”

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Jesus, are you dumb? I just want you to transfer my call to someone who can actually help me.”

Me: “I’m not transferring your call until you tell me what’s going on, ma’am.”

Customer: “It’s my statement. It’s wrong and I want a refund. Now transfer this call.”

Me: “What’s your cellphone number with the area code?”

Customer: “Just transfer this already. I’m responsible for your paycheck!”

(OH, SNAP!)

Me: “All right. Do you have your statement in your hands?”

Customer: “Yeah. Transfer the call!”

Me: “Please check if you see my name in your statement.”

(Silence.)

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Please check if you see my name in your statement.”

(Silence.)

Me: “Does it?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “So you have nothing to do with my paycheck, I guess. Plus, you haven’t paid your last one and I still got my paycheck. Now, can I please check some information before transferring the call?”

Customer: *sighs* “Yeah, okay…”

(I work in a few different departments, so it’s not uncommon for me to see the same customer twice…)

Me: “How are you today, folks?”

Man: “We’re just fine.”

(We chat for a moment, then I walk 20 feet over to our paint counter. About 5 minutes passes and the same customer passes me.)

Man: “You know, you look like the guy that talked to us over in fitness.”

Me: *grinning* “Yes sir, that was my stunt double.”

(The man walks away with a confused look on his face.)

Coworker: “You know, you’d really blow his mind if you met him at the front door.”