(I have worked in retail since I was a teenager, but on this occasion I am out shopping with a friend. My friend keeps picking up clothing items to look at, and then just dumping them. Almost out of habit, I am following behind her, straightening them up.)

Friend: *noticing me cleaning up after her* “Um… What are you doing?”

Me: “Just folding this up again.”

Friend: *long pause* “Why?”

Me: “Well, part of me just can’t help it, and part of me is getting a little frustrated that you don’t even try to put something back where you found it.”

Friend: “Whatever. Isn’t that their job? I’m helping them, giving them something to actually do.”

Me: *stares* “Seriously?”

Friend: “What?”

(I have a not-yet-folded t-shirt in my hand, and I begin whacking her with it.)

Me: “Don’t. Ever. Say. That. To. Me. AGAIN! Seriously?! You think these guys don’t have enough to do during their shift? You have no IDEA! You’ve seen me after work, right? Remember when we met up after my shift last week?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Remember how exhausted I was?”

Friend: “I guess?”

Me: “THAT’S BECAUSE I SPENT MY DAY PICKING UP AFTER OTHER PEOPLE, AS WELL AS DOING MY ACTUAL JOB. STOP BEING A SLOB JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS PLACE!”

Friend: “Okay, okay, jeez! I’m sorry!”

Me: “OKAY! THANK YOU! All right. Now. This shirt is actually really cute, and you should try it on.”

Friend: “Um. Okay.”

(She takes the t-shirt she has just been beaten with and scurries to the changing room. A staff member has been watching this entire exchange, dumbfounded.)

Staff Member: “Dude.” *extends hand for high five*

Related:
Reasons Why Customer Service Should Be Mandatory: #2

(I’m ringing out a woman and her daughter when I hear the daughter talking about her and her friends coming up with a Nimbus 2002, based on the flying brooms from Harry Potter. Being a fan, I chime in.)

Me: “You know, I always wondered why they never customized their brooms.”

Girl: “Customized?”

Mom: “Made them special.”

Me: “Like, the Slytherins would have green and silver, and the Gryffindors would have red and gold.”

Girl: “Scarlet and gold.”

(The mom laughs.)

Mom: “So, which house is your favorite?”

Me: “Definitely Gryffindor.”

Girl: “I like Slytherin.”

Mom: “She likes the bad guys.”

Girl: “Like Malfoy.”

Me: “Ugh, wait until my father hears about this!”

(A tough-looking guy approaches my till to buy a case of beer. He’s wearing a leather jacket and ripped jeans, with face tattoos, etc. He finishes the transaction, then asks:)

Customer: “Oh, and could I get change for this five-dollar bill? The tooth fairy needs to make a stop tonight.”

((A customer who I recognize from my shift yesterday walks in and comes to my register. I should note that she is Indian, and her family is vegetarian for religious reasons.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Well, I came in yesterday to get soup, and I got chicken noodle with my order. My family is vegetarian.”

Me: “I am so sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll go get the manager and we can do a refund—”

Customer: “No, no, we got all the soup that we wanted; there was just chicken noodle in the bag. I wanted to pay for it.”

Me: “Wait… You want to pay for soup that you didn’t want?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Did you eat it?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s fine. You got all the soup you wanted, and we don’t make customers pay for our own mistakes. Besides, you said your family was vegetarian.”

Customer: “But I would feel bad.”

Me: “I refuse to charge you for this soup, ma’am.”

(After that we awkwardly bid farewell to each other. The woman is now a regular, and I tell that story to every new employee. She is one of my favorite customers.)

(A major highway leads to the mall where I am store manager. I’m driving to the store in the morning during a freezing cold and icy day, when all local schools have been cancelled. Normally, I plan to be at the store a half-hour before my employees. This day, my GPS tells me that the entire highway is blocked off ahead of me due to an accident. I quickly reroute to go around the blocked highway, but spy thousands of cars stuck in standstill traffic across four lanes. I then find myself navigating slippery back roads, passing cars that have slid off onto the shoulder. Traffic is slow or stopped along the back roads, too, as commuters avoiding the highway overwhelm the smaller streets. Finally, I get to the store, a half-hour later than anticipated, and find that two employees have arrived before me out of my opening staff of 19. I send one of my employees a few doors down to a doughnut shop for two dozen doughnuts and a large box of hot chocolate. Then, as employees arrive, I assure each of them that I will be overriding their late clock-in, and I sweeten the deal with coffee and donuts to calm frayed nerves. We manage to get the store open ten minutes before our first customer arrives, and all my employees are in great moods despite the miserable morning. It seems fine… until corporate calls.)

Corporate: “You had a seventeen people come in late, and you overrode every single one. Explain yourself!”

Me: “We had dangerous driving conditions.”

Corporate: “And?”

Me: “And I was later than I anticipated, as well.”

Corporate: “And?”

Me: “And I bought them all breakfast.”

Corporate: “What?!”

Me: “Look: I want my people to know that they should be safe. Their lives are more important than being on time.”

Corporate: “Well, that’s not corporate policy!”