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You’re Only As Old As You Act

, , , , , , , | Right | February 17, 2009

(An elderly woman well into her 70s comes through the check-out line with a single bottle of wine. I start to scan the bottle through.)

Customer: “Wait! Aren’t you going to check my ID?”

Me: “Er, no, ma’am, I don’t think it’s really necessary.”

Customer: “Well, that’s no good! You should check all ID if you’re selling alcohol.”

Me: “Well, okay. May I see your ID, please?”

(She hands over an ID card that is obviously fake.)

Me: “Ma’am… this card says you’re seventeen.”

Customer: “Oh, dear! You’ve caught me! I’m much too young to be buying this! It’s a good thing you were checking IDs. I’d better just go now! *skips out the door*

Me: “…”


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Chlorine Wishes And Door Knob Dreams

, , , , , | Right | December 30, 2008

Customer: “Hi, what kinds of doorknobs do you carry?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t have any doorknobs.”

Customer: “What?! WHY NOT?”

Me: “Um… because this is a pool supply store.”

Customer: “This is totally unacceptable! I came here to get a new set of doorknobs for my garage, and you’re telling me that you won’t sell me any?”

Me: “Yeah, pretty much.”

Customer: “You are so rude! I demand to know the name of the manager! I’m going to complain about this; I hope you liked your job!”

Me: “I do like my job, as a matter of fact. Here you go.”

(I hand her my business card, which states that I am the store manager.)

Me: “Just call this number and I’m sure you’ll be taken care of.”

(The customer grumbles and walks out. She gets into her car and proceeds to call the number on the business card I just handed her.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store], this is [My Name], how may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was just in one of your stores, and the employee was incredibly rude to me. He refused to sell me a set of doorknobs.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am, but as I just told you when you were in the store, we do not sell doorknobs.”

Customer: “I WANT TO SPEAK TO THE MANAGER! NOW!”

Me: “You are, ma’am. I am the store manager.”

(The customer screams and hangs up, then speeds away in her car. In the process, she cuts off a police officer, who promptly pulls her over.)


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup!

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Read the Awesome Manager roundup!

Chippendales, The Golden Years

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2008

(Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

Gotta Love Them Regulars

, , , , , | Right | October 8, 2008

(This very friendly woman comes in three-to-four days a week, and I am usually the one who winds up taking her money at the window.)

Me: “Hi, it’ll be two dollars.”

Customer: “Oh, you got your braces off! They look so nice!”

Me: “Oh… thank you!”

Customer: “And you got your hair cut!”

Me: “Yes, I did!”

Customer: “…I come here a little too often, don’t I?”


This story is included in our Awesome Customer story roundup!

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It’s What’s For Dinner

, , , , | Right | September 25, 2008

Coworker: Welcome to [Fast Food Burger Joint]. What’s your beef?

Customer: “I ain’t got a beef; you got the beef. What’s YOUR beef?”

Coworker: “I got the good beef. You want some beef?”

Customer: “Yes, I want some beef. You gonna bring it?”

Coworker: “Yeah, I’ll bring it. You payin’?”

Customer: “Course I’m payin’. You makin’?”

Coworker: “Yes, we’re makin’.”

Customer: “Good, how much?”

Coworker: “You have to order first, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah…”


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