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Touché, Part Deux

, , , , , | Right | May 16, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to know why I received a late fee on my statement?”

Me: “Let me check for you… I do apologize, sir. Your payment was received fifteen days after the due date, which caused the fee.”

Customer: “I see. Can you remove it?”

Me: “Unfortunately, no. You have had three removed this year already. This fee will not be removed.”

Customer: “What do you mean you won’t remove the f****** fee?! I always pay on time!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What, are you stupid? Your god-d*** mother not educate you? Are you some kind of bank Nazi? Remove my fee!”

Me: “As I stated, this fee is valid and will not be removed.”

(This went on for about four to five minutes, his requests heavily sprinkled with profanity and insults.)

Customer: “Fine, you know what? You can take this g0d-d*** mo****-f****** Visa card and shove it up your god-d*** mo****-fu***** a**!”

Me: “Sorry, sir. My a** only accepts American Express.” *click*

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Even Owners Have A Stupid Quota, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | May 12, 2008

(A customer spends about fifteen minutes asking every employee where to find the nine-inch taper candles that she bought the last time she visited the store. All the while, she is holding onto a ten-inch taper candle. Our store has never carried a nine-inch taper candle–they only come in six, eight, ten, twelve, and fifteen inches. The store owner is observing the customer during this whole time.)

Customer: “I want to talk to the manager!”

Manager: *who is also the wife of the owner* “How may I help you?”

Customer: “I know I bought nine-inch taper candles here before. Show me where they are located.”

Manager: “I am sorry, but we have never sold a nine-inch taper candle. They do not come in that size.”

Customer: “I know you had them! Where are they?”

(The owner reaches out and grabs the ten-inch taper from the customer’s hand. He bites off one inch of the taper and hands it back to the customer.)

Owner: “THERE IS YOUR NINE-INCH TAPER CANDLE!”

Customer: *to the wife of the owner* “I want to talk to the OWNER!”

Manager: “You just did.”


This story is part of the Awesome Manager roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

23 Stories About Employees Giving The Customer The Perfect Comeback

 

Read the next Awesome Manager roundup story!

Read the Awesome Manager roundup!

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Fun With Idle Threats

, , , , , , | Right | May 1, 2008

Me: “Good afternoon. Who am I talking to?”

Customer: “It’s the tenth time I’m calling in! Please just transfer me already.”

Me: “Who am I talking to?”

Customer: “It’s [Customer]. Now transfer me to the right section.”

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Jesus, are you dumb? I just want you to transfer my call to someone who can actually help me.”

Me: “I’m not transferring your call until you tell me what’s going on, ma’am.”

Customer: “It’s my statement. It’s wrong and I want a refund. Now transfer this call.”

Me: “What’s your cellphone number with the area code?”

Customer: “Just transfer this already. I’m responsible for your paycheck!”

(OH, SNAP!)

Me: “All right. Do you have your statement in your hands?”

Customer: “Yeah. Transfer the call!”

Me: “Please check if you see my name in your statement.”

(Silence.)

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Please check if you see my name in your statement.”

(Silence.)

Me: “Does it?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “So you have nothing to do with my paycheck, I guess. Plus, you haven’t paid your last one and I still got my paycheck. Now, can I please check some information before transferring the call?”

Customer: *sighs* “Yeah, okay…”

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Mind Games With The Mindless

, , | Right | April 29, 2008

(I work in a few different departments, so it’s not uncommon for me to see the same customer twice…)

Me: “How are you today, folks?”

Man: “We’re just fine.”

(We chat for a moment, then I walk 20 feet over to our paint counter. About 5 minutes passes and the same customer passes me.)

Man: “You know, you look like the guy that talked to us over in fitness.”

Me: *grinning* “Yes sir, that was my stunt double.”

(The man walks away with a confused look on his face.)

Coworker: “You know, you’d really blow his mind if you met him at the front door.”

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Why (Good) Regulars Really Rock

, , , , | Right | April 5, 2008

(A man walks into the store with a broken appliance in a bag.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ve had this for about a month now and it broke, so I want a refund.”

Me: “Sir, we’re a liquidation store. All sales are final, but I can replace this item for you.”

(A coworker of mine grabs another one off the shelf and switches it for the customer.)

Customer: “How do I know this one won’t break down in a month like the last one?”

Me: “That’s the thing, we don’t know. If I had some kind of time acceleration chamber, we could put it in there, dial it up to one month from now and see how it’s doing.”

Customer: “Pfft! So what am I supposed to do, take it home and use it for a month and come back if it doesn’t work?”

Me: “Either that, or stay here for the next month.”

Customer: “What about my gas money I spend coming back and forth?”

Me: “Driving your car is a luxury, you could take the bus!”

(At this point a line was forming behind the customer…and the customers in line were regulars who are always joking around with me.)

Old Man: “I rode a horse here today!”

Old Woman: “I rode a mule!”

Customer: *takes his new product and storms out*

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