The Economy Is Crumbling

, , | Right | December 20, 2010

(The phone is ringing off the hook and my coworker finally answers it.)

Coworker: “Hello this is [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Do you have that guitar game that just came out?”

(My co-worker looks to me and I confirm we only have one left.)

Coworker: “Yes, ma’am, but we only have one left.”

Customer: “If you hold that f****** game, I swear I’ll bring you homemade f****** cookies.”

Coworker: “It’s f****** held.”

(Less than half an hour later, the woman came in to pick up her game, with a huge bag full of homemade cookies.)


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Drive Hoo

, , , , , , | Right | September 13, 2010

Me: “Welcome to [Fast-Food Restaurant]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I’ll take a number 1, 5, and 12.”

Me: “All right, that’ll be $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

(The customer drives to the window.)

Me: “That’s $12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

(Pause.)

Me: “$12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “12.”

Customer: “Woo!”

Me: “09.”

Customer: “Hoo!”

Me: “12.09.”

Customer: “Woohoo!”

Me: “…09.12.”

Customer: “Hoowoo!”

Me: “90.21.”

Customer: “Ooh-oow!”

Me: “Well played, sir.”


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Mrs. Understanding

, , , , | Right | March 1, 2010

(A mother and daughter approach the till. The mother neatly places the items they want to take on the counter. The daughter throws an unwanted dress in a heap.)

Mother: *to daughter* “No, no, no! You pick that up! You hang that on the hanger! YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND! Hang it up and put it away!”

(The daughter starts to hang it up.)

Mother: “You need to understand what it’s like working here! You need to get a job in retail so that you will understand! Everyone should work in retail! When we get home, you’re getting a job in retail!”

(The mother turns to me.)

Mother: “Don’t you think everyone should work here? Isn’t this a terrible job?”

Me: “How about food service?”

Mother: *gasps* “Yes! Yes!” *turns to daughter* “When we get home, you’re getting a job at a restaurant, so you will understand!”

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The Wisdom To Know The Difference

, , , , , , , | Right | March 1, 2010

(I’m with my wife at a well known fast food place, and they employ a young man with special needs who we both know and are very friendly with. An angry customer accosts him at the register.)

Customer: “S***, they’re taking so f***ing long with my food!”

Employee: “Just a sec, sir…”

Customer: “You’d better!”

(Not three minutes later, the employee comes with the customer’s food.)

Employee: “Here you go, sir.”

Customer: “Where’s the f****** ranch?”

Employee: “Right away, sir!”

Customer: “No, forget it! You’ll probably slobber all over it!”

Wife: “Excuse me, sir, but this young man is doing his job. He’s not doing anything to hurt you, so how about you shut the f*** up!”

Customer: “F*** you, fat a**!”

Employee: “She’s a nice lady! There’s a baby inside her, and she’s not fat!”

Customer: “F*** you!” *storms out, upsetting some chairs*

Wife: *to the employee* “People are so mean to you, honey. I’m so sorry, I can’t believe he said that to you, that a**hole!”

Employee: *grinning* “Don’t worry about it, Jesus and my mama still love me!” *walks away, the happiest man on earth*

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The Router To Success

, , | Right | January 26, 2010

Customer: “My Internet seems to be out. Most of the lights on the modem are blinking. I tried unplugging it and plugging it back in. Then I started yelling at it; now I’m out of ideas.”

Me: “Have you tried a manual reset?”

Customer: “Again, I did the ‘unplug and wait three minutes before plugging it back in’ thing.”

Me: “Yes, but there is a manual on/off button on the back of the router.”

Customer: *silence* “OH, MY GOD! Well… let it be known that I acknowledge my own stupidity and I hope this experience hasn’t damaged your faith in humanity too severely.”

Me: “No problem, sir. I’m glad we could get it resolved and I hope you have a nice day.”

Customer: “Well, I’m brain dead…” *hangs up*


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