This Job Can Be A Death Trap

, , | | Right | June 17, 2019

(My mother passed away suddenly and I am trying to get various services cancelled, including her cell phone. I call the company to cancel and get a lovely young man on the other end.)

Young Man: “We can cancel the contract without penalty and even refund a portion of your mom’s last bill.”

Me: “Really? That would be great!”

Young Man: “The only thing is, and I’m sorry to have to ask this, but you have to fax a copy of your mom’s death certificate to us.”

Me: “Oh, I completely understand why you need that. And may I say, I’ve had to make a lot of these phone calls during the past few weeks, and you have been very helpful, sympathetic, and great to deal with.”

Young Man:Wow. I was not expecting to hear that.”

The Breast Service Possible

, , , , | | Hopeless | June 16, 2019

(I spent nine years as my mother’s caretaker before she, unfortunately, passed away. She left me a little bit of money. I have been out of work for years, caring for her, and my first stop is the local mall to find some interview clothes. I am a larger woman. I walk into a local clothing store and the younger, thin employee approaches me with warmth and enthusiasm.)

Employee: “May I help you find something, ma’am?”

Me: “Well, I’ve never had a proper bra fitting, so could you?”

Employee: “Absolutely!” *takes me to an opulent dressing room and professionally finds my measurements*

Me: “Thank you! Where do you have these sizes?”

Employee: “I am so sorry, ma’am, but we only carry up to [size much smaller than mine]. But you can find that size at [Local Store #1] or [Local Store #2].”

Me: “Wait a minute. You fitted me knowing you couldn’t possibly have my size?”

Employee: “Of course, ma’am. I was happy to help you find your correct size.”

Me: “Thank you so much!”

(I bought several panties and perfume from her, and found my bra at a neighboring store. I wrote a glowing review for her and the store and return whenever I can. It was a very difficult time for me, and I appreciate it more than words can say.)

Thought You Wouldn’t Have A Cat In Hell’s Chance

, , , , , | | Right | June 15, 2019

(A while back I briefly looked at a book on the “New Fiction” wall in a bookstore and decided I didn’t really want to get it. Fast forward a few months. I can’t get that book out of my mind. I go to the bookstore in search of it and have to ask one of the cashiers for help.)

Me: “I have possibly an impossible question.”

Cashier: “All right. Well, shoot, and I’ll see if I can help you out.”

Me: “Okay. A while ago I came in and saw a book, but the thing is I can’t remember what the name was, who it was by, or what it looked like. All I know is that it was on the ‘New Fiction’ wall and it was about a cat.”

Cashier: “Hmm… Yeah, that’s tough. Well, do you know when you saw it? I can search up keywords on the computer, but a date would be more helpful.”

Me: “I feel so bad. I have no idea when I saw it. A few months ago, maybe? Definitely before September last year.”

Cashier: “Um… Okay. Let’s try looking up from January to now and put a few keywords in. Let’s go with cats and fiction… All right, it looks like we’ve got twelve books that came up.”

Me: “Well, that’s a lot less than I had thought would come up.”

Cashier: *after cancelling out ten books that were about cat training and behavior* “How about this one? [Book] is about a cat who used to live with a lady, but one day the lady never returned. Instead, her daughter came and picked her up, along with packing up all her mother’s belongings, and now the cat has to try and fit into her new lifestyle.”

Me: “Wow. Yes, that’s it. You are wonderful. Thank you so much!”

There Is Such A Thing As A Free Lunch

, , , , , | | Healthy | June 15, 2019

I was feeling miserable at bedtime, and by 2:00 am I realized that it was an allergic reaction. My knees, elbows, neck, and spine were all swelling up and had gotten red, hot, itchy, and painful. When my six-year-old son woke up around 6:30 am, I grabbed some bananas and granola bars for him to eat in the car and headed to the hospital.  

By noon, I had had an IV of medication for almost four hours and was starting to feel better, while my son was bored and very hungry. The nurse served my lunch, and even though I was feeling better and getting hungry, I just grabbed the tiny, Barbie-sized coffee and gave the rest to my long-suffering son, who really needed it. About ten minutes later, the nurse came back, saw me with the coffee cup and my son with the rest of the lunch, and left.

About ten minutes after that, she came back claiming that someone had been released after the lunch orders were placed and that there was an extra lunch, so I could have it “for my son” if I wanted.

The emergency was swamped that day — I think my nurse had about 15 people she was looking after — and for her to take the time to make that gesture meant a lot for me, especially since I didn’t get released until about 5:00 pm. I still don’t know if there really was an extra lunch on the floor, or if she ordered it special, and I wouldn’t have starved not being able to eat until later, but I was definitely more comfortable and happy with a lunch in me, and I am super grateful for the   nurses in our local hospital!

The Last Thing Alvin Needs Is More Coffee

, , , , | | Hopeless | June 14, 2019

(This couple comes in and orders one drink: an iced Americano. It’s later in the night when it’s slower, so I decide to have some fun with it when I call it out, based on the name they gave.)

Me: “I have a medium iced Americano for—“ *a la Dave from “Alvin and the Chipmunks”* “ALLLLLLLVVVVVVVVIN!”

(They laughed so hard and said it was the best moment of their day. It was a really great day — and shift — for me, too.)

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