Treat Them Well And You Get Treated

, , , , | Right | March 6, 2013

(My sister and I start unloading our cart. When the cashier and young bag boy see her they put on big smiles.)

Cashier: “Hey! It’s our favorite customer!”

(The bagger looks at us and smiles big.)

Bagger: “Your sister is my hero!”

(My sister blushes and I raise my eyebrows at her.)

Cashier: “On his first day, an older customer came in and gave him a hard time…”

Bagger: “…A really hard time. Calling me, stupid, and an idiot, ‘Kids these days.’ You guys know the drill.”

Cashier: “Unfortunately, we aren’t allowed to say anything. Then the customer dumped all of the bags out and yelled at him to do it again.”

Bagger: “So your sister yelled, ‘Hey, you don’t treat people like that!'”

Sister: “He turned around ready to yell at me, saw I was in a wheelchair, and shut his mouth. It was awesome!”

Cashier: “So, she’s our favorite customer now.”

Me: “Holy crap, that is awesome!”

(The employees were always super helpful and nice before, but after that, they REALLY went out of their way to help us.)

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Please Keep All Cybernetics Inside The Ride At All Times

, , , , , | Right | February 25, 2013

(I work as an attendant for a theme park roller coaster. We have had an incident where a guest’s $10,000, custom-made prosthetic leg fell off while he was riding the coaster and landed in the moat below. Thanks to that, the park changed their policy to not allow anyone to bring a prosthetic limb onto any ride; now they must be stored in lockers with other personal belongings.)

Me: “How many in your party, sir?”

Guest: “Two.”

Me: “Row three, please. Right this way.”

Guest: “Hold on.”

(He bends over, unsnaps something, pulls his leg out of his jeans, straightens up and hands it to me.)

Me: “Uh…”

Guest: “Could you hold onto this while I ride?”

Me: *unable to take my eyes off the prosthetic being offered* “I, uh… I’m sorry, sir. You’ll have to store that in the lockers out front.”

Guest: “You mean I have to go through the whole line again?”

Me: *visibly shivering* “You, um, I mean, I can give you a pass to let you back into the leg– I mean, front of the line.”

Guest: “Well, that sure is a pain.”

(He starts hobbling around to put his leg back on, when new guests start coming down the queue. At the front of the line is a little boy, maybe six or seven years old, and his mother.)

Little Boy: *wide-eyed and pointing at the one-legged man* “Look, mommy! That man’s a robot!”

Mother: “You’re making that man feel bad. You apologize to him!”

Little Boy: *suddenly terrified* “Is he gonna shoot me with his lasers?”

Guest: *in a silly computer-like voice* “DON’T WORRY, YOUNG HUMAN PERSON. I ONLY SHOOT BAD GUYS WITH MY LASERS. BEEP BOOP.”

Little Boy: “Whoooooaaaaaa!”


This story is included in our Awesome Customer story roundup!

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Hopefully, That’ll Be The End Of That Customer

, , , , , , | Right | February 20, 2013

Customer #1: “I hope this is better than last time! My last ham was salty and had too much fat!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. We do have a guarantee on flavor, so if you—”

Customer #1: “Never mind, it was a while ago. I want a 10-pound shank.”

Me: “Okay, let me get one.”

(I pull a ham about that size from the refrigerator, put it on the counter in front of her, and unwrap the foil.)

Customer #1: “No! No! That has way too much fat! See right there!”

(I look down at where she is pointing and note it is a normal deposit found in all hams. I decide it’s not worth arguing.)

Me: “Okay, let me get another.”

(I do so, but she’s still not satisfied.)

Customer #1: “No, that’s not any good either! It has too much fat!”

(This repeats several times, as I show her a total of nine other ham shanks, all of which, predictably, have the same small fat deposit. I’m literally running out of hams to show her. [Customer #2], standing behind her in line, has been quiet but has been getting increasingly agitated.)

Customer #1: “What is with this place?! All these hams have fat!”

(Customer #2 finally snaps.)

Customer #2: “Of course it has fat, you moron! It’s a pig’s a** cheek!”

Customer #1: *stunned* “It is?”

Customer #2: “Yes! He’ll tell you!” *points at me*

Me: “Well, yes. Ham comes from the, uh, hind end of a pig.”

Customer #1: “Oh, my God, that’s disgusting! I’m never buying this again!”

(She storms out, and [Customer #2] steps up to the counter.)

Customer #2: “Finally. One 12-pound pig a** cheek, please.”


This story is included in our Awesome Customer story roundup!

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One Size Fits All

, , | Right | February 20, 2013

(A man comes to the counter and places two dresses on the counter: one sized XS and one sized XXL.)

Me: “Are these dresses both for the same woman?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Oh, okay. These are both very different sizes, so they are not likely to fit the same person. What size does she usually take?”

Customer: “Um… I’m not sure.”

Manager: “Well, does she look more like me or more like her?”

(Note: my manager is quite small, and I am quite big.)

Customer: “Um… uh… I’m sure these will be fine.”

Me: “Sir, because the price is marked down on these dresses they will be Final Sale, so you will not be able to return them if they are not the right size. Are you sure we can’t help you?”

(The customer looks around furtively, then leans in close so that only my manager and I can hear what he is saying.)

Customer: “These dresses are for me, actually.”

(My manager looks at me, and I at her, and then she turns to the customer and speaks a very matter of fact voice.)

Manager: “Why don’t you go try them on, then?”

Customer: “Really? Would that be okay with you?”

Manager: “Of course! Let me get you started with a fitting room.”

(I spent the next hour bringing this man dresses to try on and he had a lovely time! He introduced himself to me and thanked us profusely for being so understanding and helpful. He left with four dresses, all of which fit him to a T, and he came back regularly after that.)

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Give The Beneficent The Benefit Of The Doubt

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2013

(It’s a few days before Valentine’s Day, so there are a lot of rush orders for flowers. One of our usual customers, Ben, is an elderly man who isn’t mentally healthy, but he’s a sweet man who doesn’t bother anyone. He’s decided to buy 100 roses and stand outside to hand them out to women, young and old alike.)

Female Customer #1: “I want your manager.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am…”

(I call for my manager, who arrives shortly.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Female Customer #1: “There’s a drunk outside accosting women. I want to know what kind of store lets drunkards stand around like that to bother ladies. He’s standing out there slurring and making sexual comments to everyone.”

(As she explains this, another female customer with her daughter has been standing nearby. After she finishes, the second female customer interjects.)

Female Customer #2: “I hope you don’t mean Ben.”

Female Customer #1: “Who the f*** asked you?”

Female Customer #2: *to my manager* “Ben isn’t doing anything at all. This lady here asked for two flowers and started hitting him with her purse when he only gave her one.”

Female Customer #1: “You f***ing liar! You’re just some godless w****!”

Manager: “Lady, if getting a d*** flower for Valentine’s Day pisses you off this much, I feel sorry for the poor b*****d who gets in a relationship with you. Get out of my store and don’t come back.”

(The manager brought Ben in, who was in tears and confused. However, he cheered up when he received some very nice comments from other customers as well as a free meal from my manager.)

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