Kindness Has Found Her Calling

, , , , | Hopeless | September 12, 2018

(I work in a call centre that’s open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. We’ve just experienced a huge snow storm, which is completely out of the ordinary for Ireland, and the call centre had to close for two days. When we reopen, it is incredibly busy, and customers are furious at how long it is taking to get through. Then, I get this lady.)

Me: “Hello, you’re through to customer services. This is [My Name] speaking. Apologies for the long wait, and thank you for holding. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi! How are you?”

Me: “I’m good, thank you. How are you?”

Customer: “Oh, don’t worry about me. You’re obviously very busy today.”

Me: “Yes, I do apologise about that. We’re just experiencing a backlog after being closed because of the snow. I can log a complaint for you, if you wish?”

Customer: “Oh no, no, no. I used to work in a call centre myself. Tell me, what’s your target handling time for calls?”

Me: *confused* “Um, five minutes?”

Customer: “Okay, so I’ve been speaking to you for just under a minute. That means I can continue to talk to you for four minutes without ruining your stats.”

Me: “Okay. And what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “Oh, nothing at all. I just know how awful the customers must be treating you today, so I wanted to ring and have a friendly chat so your day isn’t all bad. I’m ringing the call centres of any suppliers I use and doing the same thing. You shouldn’t be shouted at all day because it snowed.”

(She genuinely had no query, and just filled the next few minutes with idle chit-chat. She just wanted at least one person to get a nice call on what was an otherwise awful day. We were so busy that she must have waited nearly an hour just to be nice to someone for five minutes!)

Customers Make You Go He-He

, , , | Right | September 7, 2018

(This happens in a supermarket. I’m standing at a register, ready to pay, when a customer comes in holding several inflated balloons, asking to return them. The cashier is a young girl and obviously new, so she doesn’t know what to do and calls for a manager.)

Manager: “How can I help?”

Customer: “I’d like to return these.”

Manager: “Why?”

Customer: “They don’t float!”

Manager: “What?”

Customer: “I inflated them all myself; they don’t float!”

Manager: “How did you inflate them?”

Customer: “With a bicycle pump.”

Manager: “So, you inflated them with air. That’s why they don’t float. If you want them to float, you need to fill them with helium.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make sense! The air in the balloon is not heavier than the air in the… air.”

Manager: “But the air in the balloon plus the weight of the rubber is.”

Customer: “Wait…”

(You can almost hear the gears in the customer’s head start to grind.)

Customer: “Actually… it does make sense… D*** it, I’m stupid… but where can I get helium now?”

Manager: “I suggest you go to [Hardware Store]; they should have some. Keep in mind, though, helium bottles are large and heavy, so you’ll need a large car and some helping hands.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

(The customer hurries out of the store. The manager stares after her. A worker steps up to the manager.)

Worker: “Did she actually just admit that you were right and she was wrong?”

Manager: “Remember this day well. You’ll probably win the lottery twice before this happens again.”

Restroom Does Not Provide Restful Encounters

, , , , | Right | August 27, 2018

(We only have two bathrooms. We have signs posted that say, “Customers only; ask attendant for key,” and we are very strict on this rule. People come in a lot while we are in the middle of helping actual customers, and ask us to use the bathroom. Today a woman comes in and interrupts me as I am ringing up a customer.)

Woman: “May I have the key to the bathroom?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you’re going to have to purchase something before I can give you the key.”

Woman: *gets very snotty* “Well, I was going to buy something, but now I am going to take my business elsewhere!”

Me: “I apologize, but these are the rules.”

Woman: “Whatever. You’re going to lose a lot of business for this stupid f****** rule!”

Customer: *gets annoyed because I still haven’t been able to ring them up* “You have no right to speak to her like that. You’re the one who is interrupting her as she is trying to help a real customer. And you weren’t going to buy s***, just use this place as a rest stop. No wonder they have these rule: because of people like you!”

Woman: “It’s still a stupid rule!” *now embarrassed, storms out to her car*

Never A Tea-Total For Good Deeds

, , , , , , , | Hopeless | August 22, 2018

(It is the middle of winter, and I am in line behind two other women at a small grocery store. It appears that the first customer has carefully calculated her purchases to stay within the amount of her EBT allowance, and the cashier has torn the top off of a box of tea so the customer can use the coupon printed on the inside. However…)

Cashier: *scanning order* “Um, so, this tea is scanning as a supplement, and EBT won’t cover it, so you’ll have to pay cash for that part.”

Woman #1: “But… but I don’t have any cash. All I have is my T pass and my EBT card.”

Cashier: “Well, but… I can’t put this back on the shelf, now that the top’s torn off. You’ll have to pay for it.”

Woman #1: “I can’t! I don’t have any cash!”

Woman #2: “You know what? Just add it to mine, no big deal. Hey, it even comes with a coupon, right?”

Cashier: “Are you sure? Do you have cash?”

Woman #2: “Yeah, it’s fine. Who am I to deny someone a hot cup of tea in this rotten weather?”

(The cashier scanned the first woman’s card and packed her groceries, then rang the tea and its coupon first on the second woman’s order before adding it to the first woman’s things. The first woman seemed so grateful, and I found myself agreeing with the second woman — on a day like that one, everyone who wants one should be able to have a nice hot cup of tea.)

Not Quite The Ice-Cream Of The Crop

, , , , , | Right | August 16, 2018

(I am the customer in this story, watching the cashier interact with another customer getting samples. We are at a very popular frozen yogurt chain with the word “yogurt” clearly in the title.)

Customer: “This is very good. Is it ice cream or yogurt?”

Cashier: *pause* “Yogurt.”

Customer: “Really? It tastes like ice cream.”

Cashier: “Well, it’s supposed to. It has all the rich creaminess of ice cream but less calories.”

Customer: “No, this is ice cream! You’re lying to me!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, I promise you that this is frozen yogurt. It’s very similar to ice cream, but it’s not ice cream.”

Customer: “But—”

Me: “Look, the cashier already told you it was frozen yogurt. The word yogurt is in the name of this restaurant. If you want ice cream, then go somewhere else. If you want yogurt, then get a bowl full of one of the ten samples you’ve already tried for free. But stop making this poor cashier’s job harder.”

(The customer turned red and stormed out, and I got my fro-yo for free!)

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