Everyone Is Awesome!

, , , , , , | Right | July 1, 2020

I’m working at the cash register when two men enter the store. One of the men wants to return a pair of faulty shoes, while his friend waits by his side.

Me: “All right, guys. Let me call my manager down and we’ll get this started for you.”

I call my manager down, since they have to verify the return. I’ve only worked at the store for nine months, so I don’t have the authority to run anything through on my own.

Me: “Okay, it’ll just be a second. We have to call the managers down to start this.”

Customer: “That’s fine.”

Me: *Jokingly* “I can’t do it because I’m not awesome enough to be a manager.”

Customer’s Friend: *Very serious* “Why would you say that?”

Me: *Laughing* “It’s fine, believe me. I’m okay.”

Customers’ Friend: “You shouldn’t say that about yourself.”

My manager arrives and clears them for an exchange. They wander through the store for a bit and then come back to the registers to complete the transaction with my manager. I happen to finish with another customer at the same time. I turn around to watch the store for anyone needing help.

Customer’s Friend: “Hey!”

I turn to face him.

Me: “Yes?”

Customer’s Friend: “Don’t you do it. Don’t you say anything bad about yourself.”

I try to placate him.

Me: “All right. I am awesome, then.”

Customer’s Friend: “I have a friend who does that all the time. I get so angry at him. You should never self-defecate yourself.”

I blink for a second in shocked hilarity.

Me: “I won’t, sir, I promise.”

It took me a second to decipher what he meant from what he actually said. After he left the store, I couldn’t think of a more appropriate response than embarrassed laughter.

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Tomatoh-My-God!

, , , , | Right | June 25, 2020

I have just started working at a local restaurant, doing the salad bar. It is my first day working on my own after training. I am very easily startled.

I am carrying a full tin of tomatoes out to the salad bar.

Tiny Old Lady: “Excuse me, miss?”

She taps me on the shoulder. I am startled and accidentally spill the whole tin all over her.

Me: “Oh, my goodness! I’m so sorry!”

Tiny Old Lady: “It’s all right, honey; I’m eighty-seven years old! I need some excitement in my life!”

I apologized many more times and this lady gave me a hug upon finding out it was my first day.

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Put Some Pep In Your Step

, , , , , , , | Right | June 22, 2020

The small local grocery store used to open at 8:00 but now opens at 6:30 for a ninety-minute senior-only shopping period. I show up around 8:15 and run into an employee I know.

Me: “Hey, [Employee].”

The employee yawns.

Me: “Senior hours going well, then?”

Later, when I get home, I realize that I forgot some essentials, so I return the next morning and see the same employee and the owner.

Me: “Hey, [Employee], how are y–”

Employee:Goooooood morning, [My Name]! Lovely day!”

She literally dances off. I see the owner shaking his head.

Owner: “Yesterday, half of [Neighborhood]’s retirees showed up and every single one commented on how everyone needs their beauty sleep. I heard the phrase ‘buck up’ a dozen times when someone yawned.”

He sighs and points to a trash can overflowing with paper cups from a local cafe.

Owner: “[Local Cafe] decided to do a seniors hour, too. So a dozen grandmas bought coffee for the entire store. They keep the economy going, they keep my employees awake, but they don’t have to deal with the consequences!”

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You Catch More Flies With Honey Than Vinegar

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2020

I had a denim briefcase a few years ago. I used it for several years and then had to stop when the bottom wore out and change started falling out.

I washed it and then, realizing everything else about the product was still good, I mailed it back to the company with a letter telling them how much I liked using it but had to stop when it wore out. I provided the briefcase back to them to study how they could avoid that happening with future designs. Seriously, I had the time and I love marketing and advertising, so I did it in that frame of mind.

Several weeks later, I got a letter thanking me and a check refunding me for the full amount!

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A Typical Good Versus Evil Story

, , , , | Right | June 17, 2020

I work for a popular drugstore in an upper-class neighbourhood, where customers are usually snotty and entitled. Thirty minutes into my shift, while I am speaking in Spanish to my supervisor, a customer yells at me.

Bad Customer: “I am going to call the head office because you were speaking in Spanish about me!”

After that situation, about an hour before the store closes, a guy comes to buy four chocolate bars. He pays and tells me to pick two.

Good Customer: “I saw everything go down earlier and thought you could use some sweets in your life.”

He came back just to do that. I was so amazed by his kindness.

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