Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 6

, , , , , | Right | February 15, 2018

(I am in the diner of a popular international home goods store. They recently added an espresso machine to the drink station, a few feet away from the registers, so now customers can get free refills on lattes, cappuccinos, and americanos just like the regular coffee. It is a very popular addition. The drink takes a few moments to steam the milk and dispense, so a small line has formed. One fellow in his forties keeps sighing and rolling his eyes as each order is dispensed, clearly impatient. The young woman in front of him gives him a raised eyebrow, but says nothing. Then the machine runs out of beans on the customer in front of her, and says to wait for an attendant.)

Man: “Oh, my God! It’s like I’m in the Twilight Zone!” *yelling towards registers* “Hey! Your machine’s broken down again!

(The young woman in front of him rolls her eyes.)

Man: “I know, right? This machine broke down earlier, too, and even when it works, it takes forever. Now we have to wait for someone to come out and fix it, and then, like clockwork, it breaks down again! I don’t know why they insult us with this piece of junk. It’s ridiculous!”

Woman: *snapping* “You’re ridiculous!”

Man: “Excuse me?!”

Woman: *turning on him* “First of all, each drink takes like fifteen seconds to make, but it sure feels longer listening to you constantly huffing back there. Also, I’m no mechanic, but I’m pretty sure it’s not broken down. It just doesn’t have a magical infinite supply of coffee beans, so if you can handle just waiting for a freaking second you can get your $3 bottomless drink that you somehow still manage to complain about.”

(The man turns red and goes quiet for a moment. The attendant comes during this exchange and goes about refilling the machine, pretending not to overhear.)

Attendant: “Sorry about that, folks. Hope you weren’t waiting long.”

Woman: “Not at all. Thank you.”

Man: “Excuse me! Does she work here? She was very rude to me just now.”

Woman: “No, I don’t.”

Attendant: *shakes head and walks away quickly*

Man: “What’s your name? Where do you work?”

Woman: “None of your f****** business.”

Other Man: *who’s been at the front of line* “Oh, look! It only took a moment, and we can have our nearly-instant luxury again. Can we stop having a fit, now?”

(The man in back of the line huffs again as the customer in front orders a latte, then, with an evil grin, hits the button again for a cappuccino, which fills it to the rim of the cup.)

Woman: “A double? Ooh, that’s genius! Well, why not? It is free, after all!”

Other Man: *brightly* “Why not, indeed!”

(Their four drinks combined force the angry guy in the back to wait about a whole minute, and he looks ready to explode. The man finally snatches his drink and stomps off, red-aced. The woman laughs and looks over at where I’ve been listening discreetly and says:)

Woman: “Oh, man, I love being off the clock.”

Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 5
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 4
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 3

This Is Checking Out Okay

, , | Right | February 8, 2018

(I work as the guest services manager at a hotel. Early one morning, around 9:00 am, a local resident comes in looking for a room. She pays cash and leaves a deposit, and since we have a vacant room already cleaned, I agree to check her in. Around 2:30 pm, the customer comes back to the front desk.)

Me: “Hi! Is everything okay?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. There’s just been a change of plans. I won’t be needing this room tonight, after all, so I’ll be checking out now.”

(At this point, I prepare for a fight, because housekeeping has just finished for the day. I won’t be able to refund her room charge if the room has been used in any way, because I can’t rent it out until it has been properly cleaned.)

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. I will have to go check the room, though, before I can—”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, no problem! I just took a shower, had a nap, nothing crazy in there. No damage, I promise.”

Me: “Yes, well, unfortunately, housekeeping is finished for the day, and since the room has been used, I won’t be able to refund your money today. You see—”

Customer: “Oh, I know.”

Me: *pause* “What?”

Customer: “I said, ‘I know.’ I don’t want my money back; I just wanted to pick up my deposit.”

Me: “Oh! Well, in that case, you’re all set to go.”

Customer: “Oh, good. I was starting to think something was wrong.”

Me: “My gosh, no. It’s just that normally when this happens, people expect to get their money back, and they fight with us.”

Customer: “Really?”

Me: “Oh, yes. You have no idea. I’ve had people check in at 3:00 pm, and at 11:00 pm, they want to leave and be refunded or have the charge removed from their credit card. People get really aggressive about it, too; last month we had to call the police on a woman because she was trying to get in the office to assault my front desk clerk. She destroyed part of my lobby!”

Customer: “Really? That’s unbelievable. You would think people would understand the concept of paying for what they use or consume. Some people just never grow up.”

Me: “Well, here’s your deposit back, and thank you again for not pitching a fit.”

Customers: “No worries. Thanks a lot!”

(Best customer I’ve had in weeks.)

It Was Worth The Trip

, , , , , | Hopeless | February 8, 2018

(I have been working at the same bookstore for three years, but I have a terrible memory for faces and names. Customers remember me much more frequently than I remember them. One day, I am very busy and overtaxed when a lady walks up to me.)

Customer: “I’m sure you don’t remember me, but I was in here last year.”

(I don’t remember her at all and cringe inwardly, waiting to hear what her complaint is.)

Customer: “You recommended this travel guide to me, and I had the most lovely vacation! I just wanted to let you know.”

Me: “Oh. Uh, thank you! People never come back and tell me when something was good.”

(She left with another travel book.)

Reasons Why Customer Service Should Be Mandatory: #3

, , , , , , , | Right | February 2, 2018

(I have worked in retail since I was a teenager, but on this occasion I am out shopping with a friend. My friend keeps picking up clothing items to look at, and then just dumping them. Almost out of habit, I am following behind her, straightening them up.)

Friend: *noticing me cleaning up after her* “Um… What are you doing?”

Me: “Just folding this up again.”

Friend: *long pause* “Why?”

Me: “Well, part of me just can’t help it, and part of me is getting a little frustrated that you don’t even try to put something back where you found it.”

Friend: “Whatever. Isn’t that their job? I’m helping them, giving them something to actually do.”

Me: *stares* “Seriously?”

Friend: “What?”

(I have a not-yet-folded t-shirt in my hand, and I begin whacking her with it.)

Me: “Don’t. Ever. Say. That. To. Me. AGAIN! Seriously?! You think these guys don’t have enough to do during their shift? You have no IDEA! You’ve seen me after work, right? Remember when we met up after my shift last week?”

Friend: “Yeah?”

Me: “Remember how exhausted I was?”

Friend: “I guess?”


Friend: “Okay, okay, jeez! I’m sorry!”

Me: “OKAY! THANK YOU! All right. Now. This shirt is actually really cute, and you should try it on.”

Friend: “Um. Okay.”

(She takes the t-shirt she has just been beaten with and scurries to the changing room. A staff member has been watching this entire exchange, dumbfounded.)

Staff Member: “Dude.” *extends hand for high five*

Reasons Why Customer Service Should Be Mandatory: #2

1 Thumbs

Slyther Into That Conversation

, , , , , , | Friendly | February 2, 2018

(I’m ringing out a woman and her daughter when I hear the daughter talking about her and her friends coming up with a Nimbus 2002, based on the flying brooms from Harry Potter. Being a fan, I chime in.)

Me: “You know, I always wondered why they never customized their brooms.”

Girl: “Customized?”

Mom: “Made them special.”

Me: “Like, the Slytherins would have green and silver, and the Gryffindors would have red and gold.”

Girl: “Scarlet and gold.”

(The mom laughs.)

Mom: “So, which house is your favorite?”

Me: “Definitely Gryffindor.”

Girl: “I like Slytherin.”

Mom: “She likes the bad guys.”

Girl: “Like Malfoy.”

Me: “Ugh, wait until my father hears about this!”

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