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This Can Not End Well

, , , , , | Right | March 20, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling. This is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: “I need a part for my car.”

Me: “Okay, what year, make, and model is your car?”

Caller: “Umm… it’s a black car.”

Me: “Okay, who made your car?”

Caller: “Some dude in a factory.”

Me: “Is it a Chevy, Ford, Chrysler?”

Caller: “It’s a Honda… Civic.”

Me: “Okay, what part do you need?”

Caller: “I was wondering if you guys sell little microwaves to put in the dash.”

Me: “No, sir, we do not.”

Caller: “But I saw this really awesome picture on the Internet that had a microwave in the dash of this dude’s car.”

Me: “Um, I’m pretty sure that he had years of experience in working with that particular car, its electronics systems, and microwaves before he actually put that microwave in his car. They do not offer microwaves for cars.”

Caller: “So… do you think you could put in a microwave for me?”


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Honk Twice For Bird Barrage

, , , , , | Right | March 16, 2009

(I work at a call center for truck drivers.)

Me: “Thank you for calling the service center. My name is [My Name]. Are you experiencing a breakdown?”

Trucker: “Yeah, I need a new windshield.”

Me: “Okay, sir. What happened to your current windshield?”

Trucker: “A bird went through it.”

Me: “All right, a bird hit your windshield and cracked it, correct?”

Trucker: “No, the bird went THROUGH the windshield. It’s sitting in the passenger seat now and the windshield has a hole in it.”

Me: “So, what kind of bird is it?”

Trucker: “… a dead one.”


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Diagnostics Through Osmosis

, , , | Right | December 11, 2008

(I was working part-time in my dad’s shop when a customer comes in with a blue Kia Pride.)

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My car don’t work.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “It don’t work.”

Me: “Um, could you specify, ma’am?”

Customer: “I just told you, it don’t work.”

Me: “Uh, okay… let me just take a look to see what the problem is.”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Huh? Why?!”

Customer: “Nobody goes into my property, and my car is my property!!”

Me: “But I have to see your car to know what the problem is, ma’am.”

Customer: “I just told you! It don’t work!”

Me: “…”

(Turned out, she just ran out of gas.)


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Dads: Gotta Love ‘Em

, , , , , , | Right | August 25, 2008

(My father owns an auto shop where I sometimes work part time. Late one afternoon, a woman comes in.)

Me: “May I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. I need my car inspected.”

Me: “Well, we’re not taking any more inspections this afternoon. May I schedule you for tomorrow?”

Customer: “No, I want my car inspected now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we take in our last inspection at 4:00 so we have time to pack up and shut down the machine.”

Customer: “Yes, but I just bought my car from [Dealer] and they told me I could bring my car here to get inspected for free.”

Me: “Yes, they will pay for your inspection here, but we’re closing soon. I’d be happy to schedule you an appointment for another day.”

Customer: “No! This is an outrage! At [Dealer] they told me I could bring in my car ANY TIME to be inspected here!”

Me: “Um… well…”

Customer: “I want my car inspected RIGHT NOW. They told me I could have it inspected any time!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s 4:45 and we are closing in 15 minutes. We don’t have time…”

Customer: “Where is your manager!? I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Um… I’m afraid he’s out test driving a car.”

Customer: “That’s unacceptable! Is there anyone else I can talk to? I need to get my car inspected!”

Me: “Hold on…”

(I go out into the shop and check, but sure enough the only other person still here this late is the trainee mechanic. The woman proceeds to yell at us for about ten minutes. Eventually, my dad returns from his test drive.)

Me: “Dad, can you help this woman?”

Dad: “What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I brought my car here from [Dealer] for an inspection but they won’t give one to me!”

(My dad proceeds to tell her everything I told her, smiling through all her abuse. Eventually…)

Customer: “Fine! This is an outrage! I’m going to write a complaint letter to [Dealer] about you!”

Dad: “Yeah, good luck with that.”

Me: “My God.”

Dad: “Let me give you a little advice about people like that. When somebody gets all worked up at you like that, you need to remain calm. Because the calmer you are, the angrier they get, and it’s REALLY funny.”


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Welcome To Earth, Population: Me

, , , | Right | July 28, 2008

(A customer calls.)

Caller: “Is my car ready to be picked up?”

Me: “I can check for you, sir. Which car is it?”

Caller: “The one I dropped off this morning.”

Me: “Right, and which one would that be?”

Caller: “The one that I dropped off today.”

Me: “Sir, we have a lot of customers on a daily basis. I can’t go on that alone…”

Caller: “I dropped it off this morning!”

Me: “Sir, lots of people dropped their cars off this morning. You need to tell me more. The license plate number, or what you dropped it off for, for example?”

Caller: “It’s the car that I dropped off this morning!”


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12 Stories About Customers Who Should Not Be Allowed To Drive!

 

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