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The One That Has Wheels And Moves

| Right | October 27, 2011

(I work at a tire center. More often than we’d like, we get completely clueless customers coming in for tire replacements.)

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to get my tires changed.”

Me: “Sure, what’s the year, make, and model of your vehicle?”

Customer: “I’m really not sure of any of that. Do you need it?”

Me: “Yeah, we need to know so we can get the right size of tires. Do you know if your car is a Chevy? A Ford? Dodge?”

Customer: “I don’t know, but I think the name starts with an E?”

Me: “Okay, is it a car, truck, or SUV?”

Customer: “I’m really not sure.”

Me: “Okay, let’s just step outside on the parking lot. You can point your car out for me and I can get the information there.” (The customer stands at the door and points out to the lot, which is filled with cars.)

Customer: “It’s the white one.”

(I go outside and begin to walk to the first white car I see.)

Customer: “What are you doing?! I said the white one! The white one!” *points to another white car in a different direction* “You don’t know what you’re doing! Who hired you?”

Cost-Benefit Analysis

, | Right | August 25, 2011

(A customer comes in to pick up his Viagra prescription. I’m trying not to be awkward and ring him up as if it’s any other order.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “My name is [name]. I need to pick up my prescription.”

Me: “That will be just a moment.”

(I get the man’s prescription and proceed to ring him up for it.)

Me: “Your total today comes out to [price].”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: *I repeat the price*

Customer: *mumbles* “Still cheaper than a hooker, I guess.” *pays and leaves*

Driving You Crazy

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2011

(A teenage customer comes up to our parts counter.)

Customer: “I need brakes for my car.”

Me: “No problem. What kind of car is it?”

Customer: “A Honda.”

Me: “Okay, what model?”

(She sighs dramatically and then whips out her cell.)

Customer: “Daddy, what model is my Honda?” *hangs up* “Civic.”

(I try to catch her before she hangs up.)

Me: “Is that a DX, EX or LX?”

Customer: “God!” *dials again* “Daddy, is that a DX or whatever? No, I drove it today.” *to me* “He says it’s an LX.”

Me: “Standard or automatic?”

Customer: *starts dialing*

Me: “Ma’am, if your car is here, I can come out and look this information up so you don’t have to.”

Customer: “Nah, I don’t want you to have to go to all that trouble!”

(She discovers it is an automatic, and hangs up again.)

Me: “Last question. Is that a 2-door or 4-door?”

Customer: “Sheesh!”

(She dials her phone, and repeats the question.)

Customer: “Oh.” *looks sheepish* “That was a really stupid question, wasn’t it?”


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The Stupidity Never Stops

, , , , | Right | November 10, 2010

Me: “We performed the courtesy inspection we discussed this morning and found your front brakes at minimum specification. We do recommend getting your pads and rotors replaced at [total].”

Customer: *in a whiney tone* “Do I have to?”

Me: “If you never need to stop your vehicle, I wouldn’t worry about it.”


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Not A Believer

, , , , , , | Right | September 21, 2010

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Caller: “Hi, how much is an oil change?”

Me: “$38.99.”

Caller: “Okay, well, usually I bring in a coupon and they give me money off, but I don’t have it with me this time. Can you just give me a discount?”

Me: “No, we actually need to scan the hard copy itself to enter a discount.”

Caller: “Well, what if I bring in a make-believe coupon?”

Me: “A what?”

Caller: “You know, a make-believe coupon?”

Me: “Those are good for make-believe oil changes.”


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