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Your Car Must Have A Telepathic Transmission

| Right | June 7, 2012

(A customer calls my shop asking for a price on a car part.)

Customer: “I need a price on a piece for a window in my car. No other shop seems to be able to give me a price.”

Me: “Sure, ma’am, I’d be glad to help you. What kind of car do you have, and what part is broken?”

Customer: “Does that matter?”

Me: “Well yes, ma’am…prices are different depending on what part and what car.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not giving you that information!”

Me: “Unfortunately, without a little more to work with I won’t be able to find out what it would cost you. If you’d be willing to tell me the vehicle and part, I could get you an exact price.”

Customer: “Okay, smarta***, don’t give me an exact price then. Just give me a ball park.”

Me: “Well, the part could range anywhere from $50 to $3,000. But again, it all depends on the year, make, model, and what part is broken.”

Customer: “I don’t appreciate being patronized! There is no way that this could cost $3,000!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it could depending on what the damaged part—”

Customer: “I want to give you a business tip: if a customer asks for a price, you give them an exact price! You don’t give them a ball park figure if they ask for an exact price, and you certainly don’t make up outrageous figures like that. If you expect to stay in business, you should work on being more helpful! *slams down phone*

Satisfaction Level: Impossible

| Right | April 10, 2012

(I am the manager on duty on a Sunday afternoon when I receive a phone call from an upset lady.)

Caller: “I need to complain about my car I had there on Friday night before you closed. They didn’t fix my car!”

Me: “Did they say why not?”

Caller: “They made up something about not having a part, but I know it was because they were lazy and didn’t want to fix it!”

Me: “Well, that’s a bit unusual. My guys get paid on commission and want to do every job possible so they can make more money.”

Caller: “No! They were just being lazy! I had to take my car to the dealership on Monday and they were able to fix it right away!”

Me: “Ma’am, the dealership carries all of those parts. That’s where we get our parts from if we can’t get them from any other source. If it was late on a Friday night, the dealership was probably already closed.”

Caller: “Bull****! I am VERY upset about your poor service! I thought you were the manager! I want to know what you are going to do for me about this!”

Me: “I’m sorry we weren’t able to help you to your satisfaction, ma’am. I can’t give you a refund because we didn’t charge you anything. I’d offer to fix the car at a discount, but you say it’s already been fixed. What is it you would like for me to do for you, ma’am?”

Caller: “Well, you know what you’re supposed to do in these cases!”

Me: “Well, normally I’d offer a discount or a refund, but neither of those would help you. Is there anything else I can offer you? I am sorry for your inconvenience.”

Caller: “I don’t want your stupid apology! I can’t believe you are refusing to help me!”

Me: “I’m not refusing, Ma’am. I just don’t know what it is you want.”

Caller: “You know what I want!! I want you to do what you’re supposed to!”

Me: “And what is that?”

Caller: “You know what you’re supposed to do! I’m going to call your corporate office and have you fired!”

Me: “Ma’am, if you don’t tell me what it is you want, I don’t know what to do for you.”

Caller: “Don’t give me that! I’m going to have you fired!” *hangs up*

Parts & Laboring The Obvious

| Right | March 27, 2012

Customer: “I need a tire for a 2010 Honda Accord.”

Me: “What do you have on there now?”

Customer: “A flat tire.”

Exes Can Drive You Crazy

| Right | March 21, 2012

(Note: I am a female employee at an auto parts store. A woman walks in.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Woman: “I need a tail light bulb for my Chrysler. Oh, and could you come out and show my ex-husband how to take the old one out? I’d love for you to show him up!”

(I go outside and help him switch out his taillight. As I’m walking back into the store, I hear him say…)

Man: *to ex-wife* “You had to pick the only girl in the store to help us, didn’t you?!”

Brakes Can Drive You Crazy

| Right | November 3, 2011

(My manager is talking to a customer about what they need fixed on their car. I often eavesdrop so I can hear from a person’s own words what is wrong. It often helps me to diagnose the problem.)

Customer: “The truck isn’t running right. It doesn’t have power and runs rough.”

Me: “Well, when do you notice the problem?’

Customer: “When I’m slowing down.”

Me: “I’m sorry, it doesn’t have power when braking? ”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Do you mean the brakes don’t feel right?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “What about when you get back on the gas pedal? Does it go fine?”

Customer: “Oh, yes it has plenty of power then.”

Me: “So, when you are on the brakes and slowing down, the truck doesn’t have power, but when you get back on the throttle it has plenty of power?”

Customer: “Exactly.”

Me: *speechless*

(We take the car in and run full diagnostics. I never found anything wrong with the truck. It ran like it was brand new and had very few miles on it.)