I worked in a sporting goods/hardware/automotive store that also had a gas station and bait shop. I was working in the gas station, and a lady dumped a plastic bag full of fishing lures on my counter.

Customer: “So, the customer service desk told me to handle my return out here.”

Me: “The store’s customer service desk specifically told you to get your return handled in the gas station?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “No, they didn’t. We aren’t even trained on that out here. You can try your luck again at the customer service desk directly, but I’m betting they already denied you because you didn’t buy those here. Have a nice day.”

Customer: *Grabbing her stuff.* “This is why everyone only shops at Walmart!”

Me: *Looking out at our full parking lot.* “Oh no, whatever will we do…”

We repair a car; it’s a simple fix, so we only charge £20.

Two weeks later, the customer phones back.

Customer: “I want a refund on my repair.”

Me: “Has the car broken again?”

Customer: “No, but I just found out that the garage where I got the car from to begin with would have fixed it for free!”

Me: “That doesn’t change the fact that we put in the time and labour to fix your car, sir. We won’t be refunding that.”

The customer left a negative review on Google as a result of this conversation. We left a reply, explaining the situation in full, and also letting them know that we couldn’t issue a refund as our time machine was broken.

Anyone who knows how creative the English and Scottish can be about their insults should have a good idea how little mercy this cheapskate received in the comments section after that.

The review was taken down within a day.

We got a new customer from that bad review a week later:

New Customer: “You those guys with the broken time machine?”

We’re an auto shop that gets insurance claims brought to us primarily from an insurance company whose mascot is a little talking reptile with a British accent.

When it comes to any form of insurance claim, there is one golden rule: the insurance company will only cover costs if you are actually getting a vehicle repaired at our shop or if the vehicle is a total loss per their system. They won’t pay just for an estimate, and to get a full, comprehensive estimate, we have to do a teardown of the vehicle (disassemble where the damage is to assess for further damages), which comes with labor fees.

We’ve had a customer who cannot seem to make up his mind about whether or not he’s bringing his car in. His appointment was for one date, but he wasn’t able to drop it off because the rental car company had nothing available. Our main estimator was on vacation at the time, so I offered our usual alternative, which is to get photos of the vehicle and damages and email them to the insurance adjuster for a visual estimate. No problems there, he lets me do so, and I email it over.

The adjuster sends over the estimate, and once I have the estimate in the system, I call the customer to see when he would like to drop off so I can get a rental set up for him. He doesn’t answer, and after several days, I cancel the assignment.

When he does finally drop off (two and a half weeks later), and I have to reopen his assignment, he refuses to sign one of the authorization forms. We have two forms that customers have to fill out, one being authorization for teardown and repair, and the other to authorize insurance companies to pay us directly for repairs.

He refuses to sign the second form because he decides he doesn’t want repairs; he just wants an estimate. I explain to him that we have a visual estimate from the insurance company, but if he wants a full teardown estimate, he will have to pay the labor costs because the insurance company won’t pay just for an estimate.

Cue almost twenty minutes of back-and-forth of him not getting that the insurance company isn’t going to pay us to just write him an estimate if he’s not getting repairs done. I have to use an analogy and compare it to a landlord paying his tenants to live in another house to emphasize that this does not work. Eventually, my manager has to step in and explain it to him in the exact same terms.

I end up tuning out the rest of the conversation as it’s akin to talking to a brick wall, and he storms out. I canceled his assignment and moved on with my day.

Two hours later, he comes back in and says he’ll drop off for repair per his lawyer’s advice, so I have to reopen his assignment again. He says he’ll drop back off later, that he needs to come up with money for the rental deposit, and fills out the forms.

It’s been a week. He still hasn’t come back, and I just know that as soon as I cancel his assignment for the third time, he’ll show back up.

Related:
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 23
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 22
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 21
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 20
Not Much Assurance About The Insurance, Part 19

Customer: “My ‘check engine’ light is on, can you help?”

Me: “Sure, let me just hook up the OBD reader. Looks like it’s a small evap leak, no problem, it can be as simple as… wait, where’s your gas cap?”

Customer: “Oh, I lost that a couple of days ago. Is that a problem?”

I work in an auto shop. One of our more experienced veteran mechanics is looking at an engine that’s been giving its customer problems and has been unable to be fixed using more passive troubleshooting. Our guy has finally identified the problem.

Mechanic: “So here’s the problem. Your fuel injectors aren’t delivering a consistent mist, so the combustion isn’t clean. That’s why you’re getting those misfires and the drop in mileage. Basically, the chemistry’s off; the ratio of fuel to oxygen isn’t balanced, and it’s throwing everything out of sync.”

Customer: *Not really paying attention.* “Uh-huh. And how much is this gonna cost me?”

Mechanic: “Between the parts and labor, about $800.”

Customer: “$800?! For what? Spraying some gas? Come on. That’s ridiculous!”

Mechanic: “It’s not just spraying gas. It’s precision calibration. A few milliliters too much or too little and your engine won’t run right.”

Customer: “Forget it, I’m not paying that. I want to talk to your manager.”

After the manager has been brought up to speed:

Manager: “Sir, the price reflects both the technical nature of the work and the skill of the mechanic.”

Customer: “Why? It’s not like it’s rocket science!”

Manager: “Sir, it’s combustion chemistry. It’s exactly like rocket science.”

The customer goes quiet, quietly agrees, and the mechanic goes back to work.