(It’s 2018. I am on the phone with the warranty company for some parts I had replaced on my truck. Last October, I had a starter module replaced, and the replacement part was faulty, causing my truck to die on the interstate.)

Me: “Hello. I am calling about a warranty on the starter module. It failed. What info do you need me to send you to get my refund?”

Company Rep: “We will need the original receipt, the receipt for the replacement, and your address and contact info. Please email this to [address].”

(I do so.)

Me: “So, when will I receive my refund?”

Company Rep: “About three to four weeks after we process the request.”

(Three weeks pass and I receive a letter in the mail. The letter, in short, states:)

Letter: “Due to your vehicle being a commercial vehicle, we will not be honoring the warranty on the starter module.”

(Of course, I contact the warranty company, enraged by their claim.)

Me: “What makes you think my truck is a commercial vehicle?”

Company Rep: “Ma’am, the address on the two receipts do not match.”

Me: “Yes, they don’t match because I used my father’s mechanic and he accidentally put my dad’s address on my receipt. I can get that fixed and resubmit the receipt.”

(My dad and I still have the same last name.)

Company Rep: “We will not accept the receipt as it will be a forged document.”

Me: “Get me your manager.”

Company Rep: “My manager is in a very important meeting and cannot be disturbed.”

Me: *absolutely ready to lose it*

Company Rep: “He will call you back.”

Me: “I do not believe you.”

(I contact the original mechanic that did the work. He is confused as to why they would deny the claim under “commercial vehicle,” as that is not a disqualifying factor on the warranty. He puts me in contact with their company’s direct representative for the warranty company.)

Mech Rep: “Hello. I was informed your warranty claim was denied. Can you tell me what the letter said?”

Me: *reads letter*

Mech Rep: “That doesn’t make any sense; there is no commercial vehicle clause in the warranty.”

Me: “I know, but do you know why it’s really stupid?”

Mech Rep: “No.”

Me: “My truck is an ‘89 Silverado, making it almost thirty years old. Nobody in their right mind would use a classic as a commercial vehicle. Also, the warranty company never called me back, and it’s been a month.”

Mech Rep: “I will take care of this.”

(Two weeks later, I received a check for the full amount.)

(I am a customer witnessing this epic exchange. My tire goes flat in rural Florida. I get it to what has to be the only shop in 50 miles. I sit down to wait while the shop owner talks to another customer getting an oil change.)

Customer: *looks through the window into the work bay* “Hey! I don’t want that [Religious Slur] working on my car.”

Owner: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I said, I don’t want that [Religious Slur] working on my car!”

Owner: *after a pause* “Well, you’re in luck. Today at [Auto Shop], we’re giving out free life lessons. Today’s lesson? Don’t piss off the man who owns the lift your car is sitting on top of.” *opens the window to the bay* “[Mechanic], drop the [Car].”

Customer: “Hey! What the h*** are you doing?”

Mechanic: “It’s not done, boss.”

Owner: “Drop it anyway and push it to a parking spot.” *closes window*

Owner: “You see, that is [Mechanic]. He’s worked with me for ten years. He’s my best and fastest guy on oil changes. Given how long he’s had your car, I can say with complete certainty that your vehicle doesn’t have a drop of oil in it. And it’s not going to… not from my shop.”

(The owner hands the customer a business card.)

Owner: “That’s the number for the only tow truck that doesn’t charge extra for coming out this far. But I’m not sure he can help you once I call him. His kids are in little league with [Mechanic]’s kids. Given how long it takes other tow companies, I’m going to give you 45 minutes to get your vehicle out of my parking lot. Then, I’m going to call the sheriff’s office. [Deputy] is on shift today and his mom plays bingo with [Mechanic]’s wife every Saturday. I’m sure he’ll be willing to tow it to an impound lot for you. You’re also banned from my store, which makes you standing there trespassing. Feel free to wait outside, no closer than fifty feet from the building.”

Customer: *looks like he might say something, but just stands there, silent*

Owner: *steps forward, leaning into the customer’s face* “Thus endeth the lesson.”

Me: *applauding as the customer heads out towards his car*

(I am working as a tire technician at an auto parts store that also does car repairs. I am always early to work, but at this job I often show up before the store opens when the store manager is not there yet. He is the only one with the key to the store, and we cannot get in until he shows up. After he lets us in, we have to stand in line to clock in on the only terminal set up for that. As a result, I often clock in late but I don’t think anything about it as my direct supervisor is often just as late. One day my future wife — at this time just a close friend — brings her car in to have the A/C worked on since I don’t have the equipment or the time to do it at home. The A/C specialist does the work and the night service writer writes it up with my discount. She picks the car up the next day. That night I get a call from her that the car has overheated for the first time ever and asks if I could look at it. The coolant is low, but when I add more it doesn’t seem to be leaking until the car is running, but it isn’t coming out onto the ground. While I am trying to figure it out, I discover that the carpet in the back seat of the car is wet, and after a little more investigation I find out that coolant is coming out of a hole in the heater core and running through the back seat vents. I pull it out and find a small hole poked into the side of the heater core. Immediately, I take it back to the night service writer. He gets a part off the shelf for me and writes it off. I fix the car and then go back the next morning to talk to the service manager.)

Me: “Yeah, I pulled the heater core and found this tiny little hole poked into the side, right on a seam; it had to have been done on purpose.”

Service Manager: “You’re right; that couldn’t have been an accident. He shouldn’t have needed to do any work inside the car.”

(Just then, the day service writer — my direct supervisor and the son of my friend’s coworker — comes into the service office.)

Service Writer: “You should have told me that was your car!”

(I looked at him for several seconds like he was crazy and then calmly said, “I quit.” I told my future wife, and she understood how ethics can be a burden. I don’t think she ever told her coworker, though. I had never applied for unemployment benefits before, but I then found out that I was eligible if I quit for cause. I wrote it up and turned it in. Later, I got the denial in the mail, not because they didn’t believe my explanation, but because the company claimed that I had been late over fifty times! By that time I had another job and fighting it was not worth it.)

(I work in a tyre shop just off the main shopping street in a small holiday town. The town has a similar name to several other similarly-sized towns in the UK. One Saturday morning I take this phone call:)

Customer: “Hi, I’ve got a puncture; are you close to the high street?”

Me: “Yes, we’re about fifty metres off it. Turn down the side of the old, blue chapel and you’ll see us on your right.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m parked in the high street and I can’t see a chapel. I’m by the white tower.”

Me: *thinking he must mean our lighthouse, which is actually a little way out of town* “Okay, you need to head south, then at the roundabout take the third exit, and then turn right when you’ve passed the supermarket.”

Customer: *angrily* “WHAT? No! I’m in the high street now, I can see the white tower. Where are you?”

Me: “We’re about a mile from the lighthouse tower.”

Customer: “NO! NOT A LIGHTHOUSE, THE WHITE TOWER!”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know any white tower other than the lighthouse.”

Customer: “THE BIG WHITE TOWER IN THE HIGH STREET!”

Me: “I’ve lived here all my life and there is no white tower on the high street.”

Customer: “There’s a clock at the top of it! I passed a pub called The Star! THE WHITE TOWER!”

Me: *catches on, and hits Google* “Sir, you’ve phoned a company in Burnham on Sea, Somerset; you appear to be in Burnham on Crouch in Essex, 220 miles away…”

Customer: *hangs up*

(Still, he’s not the only one to have made the mistake. Our local paper printed a photo of the post office in the “wrong” Burnham recently!)

Customer: “The bumper is falling off of my car!”

Me: “Oh, no, I’m sorry to hear that! Unfortunately, we don’t do body work here; only mechanical repairs. Do you need a referral to a body shop?”

Customer: “No, YOU have to take care of it. My car is less than two years old and it’s a lease. This should be under warranty!”

Me: “Let’s go take a look.”

(We go out to the service driveway where his car is parked. The bumper is indeed separating at the fenders, but the lower section of the front bumper is clearly dented, scraped, and generally mangled, with some trim pieces falling off.)

Me: “Did somebody hit your car? There’s clearly signs of impact. Unfortunately, the warranty doesn’t cover outside influence. If you were in an accident, you may want to consult your insurance company about covering the repairs.”

Customer: “Nobody hit my car. I did that. My driveway is steep and there’s a dip going in, so the bumper hits if I pull in or out too fast. I mean, if I go slow enough it won’t, but… I hit it a lot. And sometimes I hit the curb when I don’t get the angle right, too.”

Me: “That would DEFINITELY qualify as an outside influence. The manufacturer’s warranty only covers factory defects.”

Customer: Well, it’s a FACTORY DEFECT that they built the car so low! I shouldn’t have to go so slow in my own driveway! So this should be covered under warranty!

Me: “Yeah… Unfortunately, the manufacturer doesn’t see it that way.”

Customer: “But this is a lease car! I’m going to have to give it back and they penalize for damage. I am NOT paying for this!”

(I knew I wasn’t going to make any headway, so I ended up referring him to the manufacturer’s corporate helpline. The case manager assigned to him ended up calling me for confirmation of his complaint, laughing and incredulous that the customer thought his inability to drive without hitting things should be considered a ‘factory defect.’ Unsurprisingly, he did not get his way. And best of luck to him when he tries to return the 3/4 of his car that will probably be left at the end of his lease!)