My Best Guess Is… You’re An Idiot

, , , | Right | March 30, 2020

(I answer a call from a customer wanting to bring in his car for repair.)

Caller: “Hi. I’d like to bring in my car for service; it’s got a lot of problems. When is your first available appointment?”

Me: “I can do something tomorrow or Thursday this week if you’d like.”

Caller: “Do you know what might be wrong with it?”

Me: *pause* “No, sir, without looking at your car I can’t tell you what’s wrong with it.”

Caller: “Oh, okay.” *hangs up*

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The Windshield Is Not As Cracked As The Driver

, , , | Right | March 18, 2020

(I work in a well-known lube shop. We also do state inspections. If at any time a customer’s wait is too long, we offer a discount when they pay and offer a future discount, as well. It’s getting close to closing time so I am counting the till to go home. As I am in the office, a vehicle pulls up:)

Customer: “I want a state inspection.”

(My coworkers start the inspection because even though it’s four minutes to close, we do them up until closing time. All is going well, but then I have a tech walk in.)

Tech: “The customer is telling us to give him an inspection while his windshield is cracked more than is allowed. He said the manager told him ‘we got you when you come in.’”

(As I am one of the managers, I go out to try and talk to the guest about going against state rules and regulations. Keep in mind that we are able to give a rejection sticker that makes the car legal for thirty days. As soon as I get out there, I recognize the guest as one that waited too long a few weeks ago.)

Customer: *irritated* “My windshield will cost too much; just put the sticker on because you owe me.”

(I inform him of state regulations and even measure the crack to show him it’s beyond the allowed length.)

Customer: “But you owe me!”

Me: “While, yes, I do owe you a discount, I cannot break state law, risk losing my driver’s license, risk losing my location’s ability to perform state inspections, and risk accruing a $5000 fine.”

Customer: *very mad* “I will never be back! Get ready, because corporate is going to have you and your crew fired over this!”

(My boss and my boss’s boss laughed when I told them about this, and my coworker had to go out to get the signs off the curb when they were pulling out. They had a camera and flipped off my employee while trying to get a reaction. He just waved and said, “Have a wonderful evening.” Just because a company owes you, it doesn’t mean you can ask them to break the law. I just hope he didn’t get a ticket on the way home. I would love to have been a fly on the wall if he did as he complained to the cop.)

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Excuse Us Whilst We Fling Our Phones Into A River

, , , , , , | Romantic | March 6, 2020

I used to work in a car stereo shop. We had a reputation for electrical work; mechanics in the area would often refer tricky stuff to us because we were the only ones who had the equipment and knowledge to figure it out.

One day we received a call saying that they were referring a customer to us with questions about a GPS tracker.

After a short discussion, it became clear that the customer was trying to find out if a tracker had been somehow installed in her car. Apparently, her crazy ex had been stalking her all over town… just happening to appear wherever she was, even at places where he should have had no idea that she was even there.

I had never seen someone look so scared; she was pale as a ghost and her voice shook when she spoke. She was so terrified that she was literally looking over her shoulder every few seconds and speaking in whispers. 

I gave a cursory inspection at the easy spots in the parking lot. There was nothing under the wheel, nothing on the roof or under the chassis, nothing in the engine compartment, and nothing under or in the seats. There was no factory GPS, no On-Star, nothing that would track her. 

I told her that I didn’t see anything in the typical spots, but if he had somehow managed to have access to her vehicle for a good block of time, then God knows where it could be. 

I told her that I would have to do a shop charge to go deeper. For $75 an hour, we’d look anywhere and for as long as she wanted.

She paid for two hours of inspection without blinking. We took the whole dash apart, dropped the headliner, pulled a bunch of interior panels, flashlight and mirrored the chassis, and generally tore the thing apart. We couldn’t find a single wire out of place anywhere. The whole thing looked totally stock and untouched. (After a while in the industry, you can tell if you’re the first to remove a panel.)

I handed her the keys and reviewed what we did and where we looked as I walked her back to her car. She looked so relieved to finally know there was nothing on her vehicle.

Then, her ex drove by our lot, staring her down. He wasn’t even subtle; he was practically hanging out the window, staring at her like a hawk stares at a fat mouse.

That was my holy-s*** moment: watching this guy blatantly cruise past our business. I’m a big guy, and he didn’t even spare me a glance.

She just burst into tears, practically diving behind me to hide. One of my coworkers came sprinting over to us and said that that vehicle had cruised past three times already, and this was his fourth pass in the two hours we had been stripping her car practically down to the paint.

I walked her back into the store. I told her that we knew it wasn’t in her car, but that I wanted to check something that might help her.

I asked to look at her phone. 

Sure enough, location services were on and had geotagged at our store on Facebook. In fact, it had geotagged everywhere she’d seen him. 

She had him blocked from all her social media in moments and turned the location services off for good measure.

We moved her vehicle out of sight from the road and called the police. We didn’t want her leaving without some proper actions taken, or without a police vehicle on-site to make sure she got away without him coming by again.

From there, we helped her get a restraining order filed against him, and she was able to leave safely.

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The Useless Adventures Of Mr. F****** Friendly!

, , , , , , | Working | March 5, 2020

(It’s April in Minnesota, which means it’s pothole season. Because of this, I find myself standing in a long line at a local discount tire place. There are about six of us in line and one employee. This poor guy is trying his best but just can’t keep up.) 

Employee: *into walkie* “Assistance to the front, please.”

(After ten minutes of no one coming to help, the phone starts ringing.)

Employee: *into walkie* “Assistance to the front, please.”

(Ten more minutes pass with no help and still ring… ring… ring…)

Employee: *voice breaking a bit now* “Assistance to the front, please.” 

(At this point, I’m not even mad about waiting anymore. I just feel bad for this guy and am seriously contemplating answering the phone and just putting whoever it is on hold. Cue the entrance of Mr. F****** Friendly.) 

Mr. F****** Friendly: *saunters in, coffee in hand* “Well, hey there, everyone! Looks like we got a busy one today! I only just heard the page, so I rushed up to help! Good thing I came over here from [Sister Location]; these guys sure need my help!” *ignores the still-ringing phone* 

Employee: “Before you help, can you find the keys to [car] so we can start that job? The customer said they were in the drop-off box and I haven’t had a chance to look.” 

Mr. F****** Friendly: “Yeah, I checked, didn’t see them.”

Employee: “Weird, can you check again?” 

Mr. F****** Friendly: “Sure! Uh, where is your guys’ box?” 

Employee: *points* 

(I don’t know what happened. The spirit just gets to me in this moment and I turn into my mother.) 

Me: “So, what you’re saying is you didn’t check the box?” 

Mr. F****** Friendly: *surprised* “Well no.” 

Me: “Then why did you say you did when you didn’t? If you’re going to lie, at least put a little effort into it.” 

Mr. F****** Friendly: *quiets down, grabs the keys, and FINALLY answers the d*** phone*

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Unfiltered Story #186896

, | Unfiltered | February 16, 2020

My coworker takes a customer call one day and relays the conversation to us afterwards.

Customer: “I need a new side mirror for my car!”

Coworker: “Okay, that’ll be [fairly low amount], and we can get it fixed as soon as [date]. When can you bring the car in?”

Customer: “Well, I have school stuff, so I want to use your service where you come get my car and bring it back when you’re done.”

Coworker: “I apologize, ma’am, but we don’t have that service.” *We have done this before, but only for very high dollar jobs with special conditions, such as a sick or older customer – and always on a case by case basis approved by management* “We can definitely work with your schedule, though! When works best for you?”

Customer: “But I need my car fixed! And I’m going out of town soon, and I have all these tests for school… I need you to pick up my car to fix it!”

Coworker: “I apologize for the inconvenience, ma’am. We do have an after-hours drop box if bringing it in early or later would work better for you. Or, since it’s a very small job, we could even do it while you wait one day.”

Customer: “But I need my car fixed now!”