You Are The Reason We Need A Holiday

| Oslo, Norway | Right | October 19, 2016

(I’m the owner of a small auto garage. In Norway it is common for most people to have their summer holiday in July. It’s also common that most businesses close down for the time, and so do we. I get a phone call on the 29th of June, two days before the summer holiday season.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m a customer at [Competing Garage] but they are closing for summer holiday on Friday and can not help me. Can you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are also closing on Friday and have more than enough to do serving our own customers.”

Customer: “Okay, do you know anyone that can help me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, my best advice is that you go to Yellow Pages –” *business register* “– and call around to see if anyone can help you.”

(The customer totally exploded and yelled at me.)

Customer: “Why the h*** is it so difficult to get some help with my car? It’s not a f****** human right to have holiday in July!”

Me: “What’s the rush? Why do you have to have your car serviced now?

Customer: “We are going on holiday this Friday!”

Gave It A Good Try

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Right | September 2, 2016

(A serious-looking gentleman in his forties comes in to pick up a completed car from the shop. I had never interacted with him before, having been off the day he dropped the car off for repairs.)

Me: *looking at file* “It looks like you owe your deductible of $1,000 on the repair. I can process that now for you.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, sir, your insurance advised us they will cover the amount due over the deductible, but I’ll need to collect that from you.”

Customer: *shrugs* “Well, you can try.”

(He doesn’t move to get any money out, and I freeze, as he still looks very serious and I can’t tell if he’s joking. I reply with the first thing that comes to mind.)

Me: “Well, then, I guess you can say you tried to pick up your car?”

(Thankfully the customer bursts out laughing and hands me a debit card.)

Customer: “Good response!”

(He paid his bill and went on his way as happy as could be.)

I Tire Of These Scams

| England, UK | Working | July 26, 2016

(I am a fairly new driver and quite young. I have a good little car; nothing special, but good enough. I take it to the garage after I had problems going into gears and reversing and know it is the clutch.)

Me: “Hi. I’ve come to pick up my cat. It’s the Fiat.”

Auto Guy: “All right, we’ve had a look at it and found a few problems with it. Obviously the clutch is gone so that’ll need replacing. I’ve also found out that your offside tyres need replacing now. They’re worn down to the legal limit. Also your power-steering has completely gone so that needs work.”

Me: “Okay. So what’s the bill?”

Auto Guy: “It’ll be about £500, plus labour.”

Me: “All right. I just have one question.”

Auto Guy: “Sure?”

Me: “How can my power-steering be faulty when the car doesn’t even have power-steering?”

(I took my car plus their list of “faults” to another garage. Got my clutch and a few other very minor problems fixed for about £150, and my tyres didn’t need doing until almost a year later!)

The Engine Of Your Destruction

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | April 26, 2016

(This customer has had their vehicle towed in.)

Me: “So, what issues are you having?”

Customer: “It won’t start.”

Me: “Okay, let me take a look and I’ll call you right back.”

(As I approach the vehicle I can see metal pieces on the ground. The customer’s engine had literally exploded and chunks of broken engine parts fell out whenever it was moved. I look up their service history to see if they could even hope for warranty coverage. They had no oil changes in over 28,000 miles.)

Me: “Due to lack of maintenance your engine is destroyed and needs to be replaced. The cost for this repair is around $6000.”

Customer: “Well, it’s a lease, so can’t I just turn it in?”

Engine Failure Fail

| AB, Canada | Working | April 19, 2016

(This is back when the ‘service engine soon’ light is a relatively new feature in cars. One day, the light comes on, so my dad takes it in to the local auto shop. The car is fixed the next day, all is fine, but then the light comes on again. Dad takes it in again, and again it’s fixed in a day, and the cycle begins anew. After about a month or so, the car finally won’t start. Dad tows it into the auto shop.)

Mechanic: “Yeah, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car.”

Dad: “But that ‘Service Engine Soon’ light kept coming on! Surely you found something wrong every time you fixed that.”

Mechanic: “Oh, that. I have no idea what that light’s for.”

Dad: “Then what were you doing to fix it?”

Mechanic: “I’d just disconnect the battery for a few minutes, and then hook it back up. That resets the on-board computer, and that gets rid of that light completely.”

Dad: “So, you actually have no idea why that light kept coming on?”

Mechanic: “Nope.”

(We lived in a small town. Despite being quite expensive, Dad paid the extra to have the car towed into the city to the dealership, where it was discovered that a faulty processor in the computer kept causing the light to come on…and eventually shut down the engine for its own protection. From that day on, Dad always took the car into the dealership!)

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