A Shocking Discovery

| Kitchener, ON, Canada | Working | December 8, 2016

(I’m the parts manager for a body shop that specializes in high-end cars. My shop is contracted to do all the warranty work for several dealerships in the area. I have just returned to work after taking sick leave and am still getting my head back in the game.)

Me: “I know that you can get custom nameplates for your vehicles, but since when does Land Rover provide them?”

Estimator: “What do you mean?”

Me: “I just got our shipment and these came in for that Discovery you’re dealing with, the one with the new hatchback.”

Estimator: “And?”

Me: *holding up two packages, each with a pre-arranged series of letters ready to put on the vehicle* “I’ve never seen anyone so proud of their hobbies. I mean, who would put “VERY DISCO” on their car?”

(My coworker reaches over and swaps the packages around so I can see that they combine to spell “DISCOVERY.”)

Me: “…I’ve been sick.”

You Are The Reason We Need A Holiday

| Oslo, Norway | Right | October 19, 2016

(I’m the owner of a small auto garage. In Norway it is common for most people to have their summer holiday in July. It’s also common that most businesses close down for the time, and so do we. I get a phone call on the 29th of June, two days before the summer holiday season.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Company]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, I’m a customer at [Competing Garage] but they are closing for summer holiday on Friday and can not help me. Can you?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we are also closing on Friday and have more than enough to do serving our own customers.”

Customer: “Okay, do you know anyone that can help me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, my best advice is that you go to Yellow Pages –” *business register* “– and call around to see if anyone can help you.”

(The customer totally exploded and yelled at me.)

Customer: “Why the h*** is it so difficult to get some help with my car? It’s not a f****** human right to have holiday in July!”

Me: “What’s the rush? Why do you have to have your car serviced now?

Customer: “We are going on holiday this Friday!”

Gave It A Good Try

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | Right | September 2, 2016

(A serious-looking gentleman in his forties comes in to pick up a completed car from the shop. I had never interacted with him before, having been off the day he dropped the car off for repairs.)

Me: *looking at file* “It looks like you owe your deductible of $1,000 on the repair. I can process that now for you.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, sir, your insurance advised us they will cover the amount due over the deductible, but I’ll need to collect that from you.”

Customer: *shrugs* “Well, you can try.”

(He doesn’t move to get any money out, and I freeze, as he still looks very serious and I can’t tell if he’s joking. I reply with the first thing that comes to mind.)

Me: “Well, then, I guess you can say you tried to pick up your car?”

(Thankfully the customer bursts out laughing and hands me a debit card.)

Customer: “Good response!”

(He paid his bill and went on his way as happy as could be.)

I Tire Of These Scams

| England, UK | Working | July 26, 2016

(I am a fairly new driver and quite young. I have a good little car; nothing special, but good enough. I take it to the garage after I had problems going into gears and reversing and know it is the clutch.)

Me: “Hi. I’ve come to pick up my cat. It’s the Fiat.”

Auto Guy: “All right, we’ve had a look at it and found a few problems with it. Obviously the clutch is gone so that’ll need replacing. I’ve also found out that your offside tyres need replacing now. They’re worn down to the legal limit. Also your power-steering has completely gone so that needs work.”

Me: “Okay. So what’s the bill?”

Auto Guy: “It’ll be about £500, plus labour.”

Me: “All right. I just have one question.”

Auto Guy: “Sure?”

Me: “How can my power-steering be faulty when the car doesn’t even have power-steering?”

(I took my car plus their list of “faults” to another garage. Got my clutch and a few other very minor problems fixed for about £150, and my tyres didn’t need doing until almost a year later!)

The Engine Of Your Destruction

| Denver, CO, USA | Right | April 26, 2016

(This customer has had their vehicle towed in.)

Me: “So, what issues are you having?”

Customer: “It won’t start.”

Me: “Okay, let me take a look and I’ll call you right back.”

(As I approach the vehicle I can see metal pieces on the ground. The customer’s engine had literally exploded and chunks of broken engine parts fell out whenever it was moved. I look up their service history to see if they could even hope for warranty coverage. They had no oil changes in over 28,000 miles.)

Me: “Due to lack of maintenance your engine is destroyed and needs to be replaced. The cost for this repair is around $6000.”

Customer: “Well, it’s a lease, so can’t I just turn it in?”

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