Our auto parts store is closing at 9 PM. A customer comes in at 8:50 PM. As soon as it’s 9 PM we lock the doors so that no new customers can come in and then we walk out anyone left in the store when they are ready.

This customer is just casually browsing the store putting stuff in his basket. At 9:05 PM or so we make an announcement that the store is closed. The customer immediately starts screaming into the store at the top of his lungs.

Customer: “Fine! I didn’t want to buy anything anyways!”

He throws his full basket on the ground and sprints for the front door. Now before anyone can say anything he is already at the door going at full speed, not knowing they are locked. He slams straight into them. 

My manager runs over there and unlocks the door.

Customer: “What the f***! You want me to leave but you won’t let me leave! Make up your f****** minds!”

Manager: “Sir, we don’t expect our customers to go all Usain Bolt at the doors after closing.”

He leaves without saying another word. We finish closing up while laughing the entire time.

I’m buying some small parts for my car and I see a sign behind the clerk at the counter.

Sign: “We do not sell Cadillac Converters. What you’re after, is a Catalytic Converter.”

Me: *Pointing at the sign.* “Cute joke.”

Clerk: “It’s not a joke. Customers kept asking for the Cadillac Converters so we had to put the sign up.”

Me: “Seriously? How often did people ask for one?”

Clerk: “On average about once a week.”

Me: “Wow, sorry dude. What do they think a Cadillac Converter is?”

Clerk: “It’s different every time, but one guy was so adamant it was called a Cadillac Converter even though we corrected him we had to ask him “okay, so what do you want to convert your Cadillac into?” and swear to God this guy thinks a moment and then says, “a Tesla!””

Me: “Do you have a tip jar, because you deserve it!”

I was working at a car battery store when a customer came in with a receipt for a battery.

Customer: “I want a refund.”

Me: “I can see the battery was only purchased a couple of weeks ago so it’s well within the return period. Can I see it?”

Customer: “No, I don’t have it anymore, I put it in a car I just sold.”

Me: *Confused.* “You want us to refund you for a battery that you don’t have anymore?”

Customer: *Just as confused.* “Yeah well I don’t have the battery anymore, so why should I have to pay for it? You need to refund me.”

Me: “But we wouldn’t have the battery, either.”

Customer: “You sold it to me with a five-year service warranty! I don’t have the battery anymore so I need to get that money back! I never enjoyed the warranty!”

Me: “Well, that’s not how it works. We need the battery back to be able to give you a refund.”

Customer: “Well can’t you figure it out with the guy I sold it to and get my money back?”

I had to break down how standard purchases and refunds worked. He left but he still didn’t get it, still muttering about how he didn’t have a battery anymore so why should he pay for it?

On my way home from work, my tire completely gives out on me. I take the next exit where there’s an [Auto Parts Chain]. I ask to borrow the store jack — every [Chain] has one — and the manager says no. One of the store attendants comes outside to help me jack my car up with a scissor jack — the s***ty one my car came with — and my car ends up falling onto the rotor on which the tire is missing.

I am infuriated.

The store attendant tells me to buy a jack from inside and return it, and if the manager says anything about it, to contact corporate. I do just that: buy the jack, change my tire, and return the jack.

The manager tells me she can’t return it because the store doesn’t “rent out” jacks.

Me: “I didn’t rent it. I bought it. I was unsatisfied. Now I want to return it.”

The guy who helped me, bless his heart, fakes a phone call and pretends to talk to a customer:

Attendant: “Yes, we can return parts. The money will be sent back to your card within two or three days. Yes, even opened parts.”

And so on.

So, the manager rips the receipt out of my hand and processes the return. Then, she looks at the work shirt I’m wearing.

Manager: “I know I won’t be shopping at [Electronics Chain] anytime soon.”

Me: “We will not miss your business.”

The next day, I get the store attendant who helped me out a $50 gift card to a local steakhouse. And with the remaining $50 I saved by returning the jack — $100 at [Chain] — I buy the same jack on a local classified ad site for $50.

The next week, the manager from [Chain] comes into the store, and my general manager points her to me for a set of smart security cameras. I help her. And as she walks out, I say:

Me: “We’ll always appreciate your business!”

I work for one of the big auto part stores. This week, the top brass have been crying, “Cut hours!” like their lives were on the line. We barely have enough staff to run as it is, but today was a different scenario entirely. I got told to cut more hours. A little insight: managers cannot go to lunch or leave our store without having another manager take their place.

Cue the malicious compliance.

I cut the hours of three nonmanagement employees and gave a few hours to someone who has been out of the country for family affairs. We had no layover between these hours, but that does not matter. We basically ended up with net zero hours between cutting and adding.

But they wanted me to go farther.

I cut my own hours. We were scheduled for two managers for about 4.5 hours, just us. I called in the next (nonmanagement) employee 2.5 hours early. I left at 14:30. Managers cannot take lunch if there is not a relief manager. So, we had me who worked eight hours (no lunch), a manager who would work for 9.5 hours (no lunch), and a nonmanagement employee who would work 7.5 hours (no lunch). We get a “pity” stipend for food if we cannot leave the store for lunch as well.

Let’s break this down.

Times three: Employees got a one-hour meal penalty at one hour of our regular base pay.

Times one: Employee is working more than nine hours. (Beyond eight is time and a half.)

The company has to pay for their lunch. (Let’s say $30.)

Times one: Employee was called in 2.5 hours earlier than scheduled.

So, even though we “cut” hours, it cost the company far more than keeping one extra person to be a layover. I’m sure I will hear about it when I get back, but I was just following orders, which I have in writing.