Driving Temperature Change

| MI, USA | Right | June 9, 2016

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Lady: “I need a thermostat.”

Me: “Okay. What’s it for?”

Lady: “It’s for my car.”

Me: “Okay, but what is it going in?”

Lady: “It’s going in my car!”

Time For Her To Re-Tire

| MD, USA | Right | April 22, 2016

(I work at a large chain auto parts store.)

Customer: “Do you plug tires?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we do not.”

Customer: “I have a hole in my tire. I just got air and it’s leaking out. It’s on top and I need something to put on it so I can drive home.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t have anything you can put—”

Customer: “Do you have any tape?”

Me: *stifling a laugh* “The only tape I have is scotch tape and that won’t work.”

Customer: “Can I have a piece?”

(I tear her off about six inches of tape and watch as she goes outside, puts it on her tire and drives off!)

A Catalog Of Errors

| Christchurch, New Zealand | Right | February 9, 2016

(A customer comes in with an old catalogue and discovers the item he wants is no longer that price.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, that catalogue ended three-days ago. See the start and end dates on the front?

Customer: “I don’t give a f*** about where you’ve got dates. The price is in writing so you have to honour it! I know my rights!”

Can’t Filter Out The Stupid

| Kingston, NY, USA | Working | November 9, 2015

(I stop in to an auto store to pick up some motor oil, and notice that the high mileage brand I usually buy is on sale: “five quarts plus oil filter, $24.99.” That is a very good price even for the oil alone, so I grab five of them. I get to the register and put the five bottles of oil on the counter.)

Me: “Can I just buy these five quarts of oil and get the special price?”

Cashier: “No, you need to get a filter with it.”

Me: “Well, how much are these without the filter?”

Cashier: *scanning the oil* “$37.”

Me: “Can’t we just pretend I bought a filter? I really don’t need the filter.”

Cashier: “No, I have to ring up the filter.”

Me: “Well, okay, just put a filter on the check, and I’ll leave with just the oil, and then you can sell the filter to someone else. I don’t want the filter.”

Cashier: “Okay. What make of car?”

Me: “Please, I don’t want to go through the whole interview. Just pick a random filter off the shelf. I DON’T NEED THE FILTER.”

(The cashier went to the oil aisle, returned with an oil filter, rang up the filter and the same five bottles of oil again, which now cost twelve dollars less. I tried to leave the “random oil filter” behind on the counter when I departed, really not wanting it to go to waste, but the cashier insisted I had to take it with me!)

About To Get Charged With Battery, Part 6

| Pasadena, MD, USA | Right | October 8, 2015

(A customer comes up to my register with store brand mid-grade car battery.)

Customer: “This battery is no good. Can I upgrade to [high quality battery]?”

Me: “Sure thing. Let me grab that for you.” *I set up the exchange, and ring up to new battery* “All right, since you are moving up in batteries there is a price difference. Your total comes to $11.53.”

Customer: “Why? It should be free, because the old one was bad.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you want a free battery then we can do a defective exchange and you can have to the same battery that you already have… or you can pay the $12 and upgrade, but since you have made it clear that you wish to have the better product then I’m afraid you have to pay the 12 bucks. It’s just like going to a car dealership. They won’t just give you a BMW because the Toyota they sold you broke down.” *customer sulkily pays and leaves*


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