This Isn’t The Source You’re Looking For

, , , , , | Right | December 21, 2017

(I work in retail auto parts supply. The following phone call is received about a week before Christmas.)

Me: “Good morning, Parts Source. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Um, hello. Do you have an inflatable cactus?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Caller: “I’m looking for a giant inflatable cactus. Do you happen to carry them?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry.”

Caller: “OK. Thanks anyway.”

(About two months later, a friend and his wife buy a home and host an open house. I meet one of his new neighbours. The following exchange occurs after some chitchat about the Christmas holiday.)

Neighbour: “It was our turn to host the whole family this year and we decided to make it a Mexican-themed Christmas party with Mexican food, Mexican decorations … the whole nine yards.”

Me: “Great idea! I’ll bet it was fun to plan and set up.”

Neighbour: “Yup … one hilarious thing that happened was my wife decided she wanted to decorate a cactus instead of a tree. The only problem was finding a cactus big enough. I suggested she might find an artificial one … like the big inflatable palm trees we once saw…”.

Me: “Mmmmm.”

Neighbour: “…so she gets the phone book out and calls what she thinks is a store called Party Source and asks if they have an inflatable cactus…”

Me: *uncontrollable laughter*

1 Thumbs

About To Turn Yourself Upside Down

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(I work at a parts store where we sometimes get some people whose mechanical knowledge is less than what they think. One particular day I get this gem of a customer.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Welcome to [Parts Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I bought your best most expensive brake pads a few months ago, and now they’re shot! I’d like a refund!”

Me: “Sir, with those brake pads you get a life time warranty. There’s no need for a refund; we’ll just give you a new set.”

Customer: “Why would I want a new set if they went bad in a few months?!”

(He continues to ream me for a solid ten minutes on the poor quality of the pads. At this point, he shows me the old pads. It is VERY obvious he had no idea what he was doing, and put the pads on upside down… Neither I, nor any of my coworkers, nor guys at a competitor parts store, can figure out how he managed to put the vehicle back together with them like that.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t refund these, nor can I give you a new set. The warranty doesn’t cover improper installation.”

Customer: *now red as a tomato* “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IMPROPER INSTALLATION?!” *he then calls me all sorts of names, none short of making fun of the fact that I have long hair* “Where is your manager?!”

Manager: “How can I help you today, sir?”

(The customer replays the story, even though my manager had no trouble hearing the encounter from his office.)

Manager: “Sir, we can’t replace these pads. They were obviously installed wrong. Our warranty does not cover improper installation.”

Customer: “How do you guys have jobs? These were installed by ME! I’m a mechanic, for Christ’s sake!”

Manager: “Hey [Coworker], can you come up here for a second? Tell me what’s wrong with these pads?”

Coworker: “Looks like they were installed upside down.” *walks back to the back of the store*

Customer: *yells some more obscenities, calls us all idiots, and storms out of the store*

(Another day on the job. Please treat the parts guys with some respect. We’re trying to help you, not make your life miserable!)

1 Thumbs

Talking In A Grandfatherly Tone

, , , , | Right | September 6, 2017

(My store handles most of our business over phone orders, so it’s not uncommon to pick up a call and have someone checking or double-checking something they already called about with a coworker. I’m a college student, and quite literally the only female at my store in any capacity. Everyone else is at least forty-five and male.)

Me: *answering phone* “[Store], this is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’m calling to check on an order.”

Me: “All right, can I get the car type and part?”

Caller: “It’s a water pump for a ’99 Buick. I just talked to you this morning.”

Me: *I don’t recall working on any Buick orders at all, but check my notes anyway.* “I don’t see anything. Are you sure you spoke to me?”

Caller: “It was definitely you!”

Me: *I double-check and still don’t see it, so I’m doubtful I took the order.* “Can I just verify your car information one more time? It doesn’t seem as if I took the order.”

Caller: “I know you took it! It was just this morning, lady!”

Me: “Please hold. I’m going to double check something.” *I put the guy on hold. I turn to the rest of the counter people, whose stations are all around me and within easy speaking distance.* “Has anyone dealt with a guy on a Buick water pump this morning?”

Coworker Beside Me: “Oh! Yeah, I did one this morning.”

(My coworker is a grandfather and a heavy smoker with the accompanying rasp. I have absolutely no idea how anyone would confuse our voices.)

1 Thumbs

Not Quite The Sun-Cream Of The Crop

, , , | Working | September 1, 2017

(My store is a parcel collection point, so customers can have their parcels sent to the store to pick up. A customer comes up to the customer service desk and asks to pick up his parcel and gives his name, so I go in the back to find it. After searching for a few minutes, the assistant manager comes to help. He tells me to ask the customer if it’s big or small, and the customer informs me it’s a small box containing a few bottles of sun cream and lip balm. I tell the assistant manager exactly that.)

Assistant Manager: “Wait… Sun cream?”

Me: “Yeah, and lip balm, so it’s a small box.”

Assistant Manager: “Oh no… Oh God no… I opened it…”

Me: “Wait, what? Why did you open it?”

Assistant Manager: “I didn’t see a customer name on it, it just said the company name, so I thought it was for us! I shared the sun cream with everyone and used the lip balm! The bottles are still in the office, I can make this work…”

Me: “WHAT? You used it?! Why would head office send us that stuff? What are we going to do?”

Assistant Manager: *starts digging through the bins outside* “I’ll find the box and you can scan it through, we can still give it to him… I can’t find the box, so this paper will do.” *starts wrapping the half-empty sun cream bottles and used lip balm in brown paper and coating it in tape*

Me: “You can’t give it to him! He’s going to notice and complain! The seal is broken and everything!”

Assistant Manager: “It’s fine, just give him this, tell him to check it’s all there without actually giving it to him until he’s signed for it, it’ll be completely fine.”

Me: “No, no, no. You opened it, you’re telling the customer what happened. I’m not getting involved any more.”

Assistant Manager: “All right, I’ll do it.”

(I stayed within earshot of the transaction with the customer, and lo and behold, he didn’t tell him it was used! He told the customer the box was damaged in transit and repackaged it. The customer checked there were three bottles and the lip balm and took it! I hope he comes back to complain!)

1 Thumbs

Cycling Through Useless Answers

, , , | Right | June 14, 2017

(I’m working at the auto desk in an auto parts and cycle store. There’s a separate desk for the cycling department, but people usually come to the auto desk if the cycling one is busy. This takes place on a hectic Sunday afternoon:)

Customer With Child: “What size is he?”

Me: “Uh… In regards to what, sorry?”

Customer With Child: “What frame size does he need?”

Me: “Oh, I’m not sure. I’m afraid you’ll have to talk with the cycle colleagues for that. Auto colleagues are only trained with car things.”

Customer With Child: “But they’re busy. Just help me or call someone over.”

Me: “All of the cycle colleagues are serving at the cycle desk, but as soon as one is free they’ll be able to help you.”

Customer With Child: “Just tell me the frame size, for f***’s sake!”

Me: “I couldn’t even guess. They can help you at the cycle desk.”

Customer With Child: “Say a number! JUST SAY IT!”

Me: “…3?”

Customer With Child: “Ugh, you’re useless.” *rolls eyes and walks out*

1 Thumbs