This Stupidity Comes In Stereo

, , , , , | Right | February 14, 2018

(A customer comes in complaining that her trunk lid on her car is making noise.)

Me: “Did you recently install a stereo system or speaker box in the car?”

Customer: “Yes, my boyfriend installed a new system.”

Me: “The rattling is probably caused by the vibrations. We sell sound deadener sheets, or you can tighten up all the screws and nuts in the trunk area.”

Customer: *clearly getting mad now* “Well, can’t you just come outside and look at it? It is not the stereo!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. Let’s go outside and take a look.”

(We do so.)

Customer: “See? I told you it is rattling.”

Me: *hardly containing my laughter* “Well, ma’am, the rattling is the bass from the stereo box. If you—”

Customer: *interrupting* “NO, NO, NO! It isn’t that. See what happens when I do this…”

(She turns up the stereo and it gets worse. I’m trying to think how I can get out of this.)

Me: “Um, yeah, about that… Best thing I can tell you is… Yeah, I have nothing. Maybe you need to take it by a shop.”

Customer: “Hmph! I will go somewhere else where they know what they are doing!”

And This Person Is Trusted To Read Road Signs?

, , , , , | Right | January 29, 2018

(I own an online auto parts store, and this is a common phone call that I get every day.)

Me: “[Auto Parts Store].”

Customer: “Hi, I saw your ad online for car part and was wondering if you have it in stock.”

Me: “Was there a ‘buy it now’ button?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Then it’s in stock.”

Customer: “Does it fit a 2005?”

Me: “What does it say in the heading?”

Customer: “2004 through 2007.”

Me: “Yes, it fits a 2005.”

Customer: “How much are you asking for it?”

Me: “How much does it say on the listing?”

Customer: “$35.”

Me: “$35.”

Customer: “Will you take $30?”

Me: “Sure.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m not even sure if that’s the problem I have with the car. I’ll find out, and if it turns out I need this part, I’ll be in touch with you.” *click*

Me: “…”

An Auto Comeback

, , , , | Related | January 16, 2018

(My mother and I go into an auto parts store and notice the only one working is a female employee.)

Mom: *groans* “I don’t like women looking at my car. I don’t think they know what they’re doing.”

Me: “Didn’t you used to work at [Other Auto Store]?”

Mom: “Don’t catch an attitude with me.”

(The female employee was very knowledgeable and helpful, but I did get in trouble for “smart-mouthing!”)

This Isn’t The Source You’re Looking For

, , , , , | Right | December 21, 2017

(I work in retail auto parts supply. The following phone call is received about a week before Christmas.)

Me: “Good morning, Parts Source. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Um, hello. Do you have an inflatable cactus?”

Me: “Pardon me?”

Caller: “I’m looking for a giant inflatable cactus. Do you happen to carry them?”

Me: “Um, no, sorry.”

Caller: “OK. Thanks anyway.”

(About two months later, a friend and his wife buy a home and host an open house. I meet one of his new neighbours. The following exchange occurs after some chitchat about the Christmas holiday.)

Neighbour: “It was our turn to host the whole family this year and we decided to make it a Mexican-themed Christmas party with Mexican food, Mexican decorations … the whole nine yards.”

Me: “Great idea! I’ll bet it was fun to plan and set up.”

Neighbour: “Yup … one hilarious thing that happened was my wife decided she wanted to decorate a cactus instead of a tree. The only problem was finding a cactus big enough. I suggested she might find an artificial one … like the big inflatable palm trees we once saw…”.

Me: “Mmmmm.”

Neighbour: “…so she gets the phone book out and calls what she thinks is a store called Party Source and asks if they have an inflatable cactus…”

Me: *uncontrollable laughter*

About To Turn Yourself Upside Down

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2017

(I work at a parts store where we sometimes get some people whose mechanical knowledge is less than what they think. One particular day I get this gem of a customer.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Welcome to [Parts Store]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I bought your best most expensive brake pads a few months ago, and now they’re shot! I’d like a refund!”

Me: “Sir, with those brake pads you get a life time warranty. There’s no need for a refund; we’ll just give you a new set.”

Customer: “Why would I want a new set if they went bad in a few months?!”

(He continues to ream me for a solid ten minutes on the poor quality of the pads. At this point, he shows me the old pads. It is VERY obvious he had no idea what he was doing, and put the pads on upside down… Neither I, nor any of my coworkers, nor guys at a competitor parts store, can figure out how he managed to put the vehicle back together with them like that.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t refund these, nor can I give you a new set. The warranty doesn’t cover improper installation.”

Customer: *now red as a tomato* “WHAT DO YOU MEAN IMPROPER INSTALLATION?!” *he then calls me all sorts of names, none short of making fun of the fact that I have long hair* “Where is your manager?!”

Manager: “How can I help you today, sir?”

(The customer replays the story, even though my manager had no trouble hearing the encounter from his office.)

Manager: “Sir, we can’t replace these pads. They were obviously installed wrong. Our warranty does not cover improper installation.”

Customer: “How do you guys have jobs? These were installed by ME! I’m a mechanic, for Christ’s sake!”

Manager: “Hey [Coworker], can you come up here for a second? Tell me what’s wrong with these pads?”

Coworker: “Looks like they were installed upside down.” *walks back to the back of the store*

Customer: *yells some more obscenities, calls us all idiots, and storms out of the store*

(Another day on the job. Please treat the parts guys with some respect. We’re trying to help you, not make your life miserable!)

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