Next Year All Cars Will Be Blue

, , , , , | Right | January 14, 2019

(I’m a manager at an auto parts store. This is a rather common discussion.)

Me: “Hi! How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need parts for my truck.”

Me: “Okay, what year and model is your truck?”

Customer: “Black.”

Me: “Sir, I need information about your truck like the year, make, and model before I can help.”

Customer: “Well, how should I know?”

Me: “Is your truck outside?”

Customer: “No, I need parts for it!”

This Customer Has Blown Another Kind Of Valve

, , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(It is my first week at a new job, and I have been lucky that most of the “regulars” recognize that I am new to this store and try to help me help THEM. One customer comes in with a part and drops it onto the counter in front of me, ignoring the customer I’m already waiting on.)

Customer: “I need one of these, and I AIN’T GOT ALL F****** DAY!”

(I recognize the general part as being a valve and ask what it goes on — what does it do?)

Customer: “My truck, smarta**!” *not the answer we need*

(At this point the customer that was already in front of me looks over and says:)

Regular Customer: “That looks like a [specific type of valve]. What kind of truck does it go on?”

(The customer ignores the regular customer and just glares at me, so I ask him the same question.)

Me: “Sir, what kind of truck does it go on?”

Customer: “My red one!”

Failed In The Wink Of An Eye

, , , , , | Right | October 24, 2018

Me: *finish ringing up the customer’s items* “Ok. That comes to $67.47”

Customer: *leans in very close and looks over his shoulder and whispers* “Hey, man. Can I get a discount?” *proceeds to give me a wink*

(I lean in equally as close and look over my shoulder and whisper…)

Me: “No”.

Customer: *smile fades from face*

Me: *unenthusiastic stone-faced wink* “$67.47, please.”

And You Drive A Car?

, , , , | Right | October 21, 2018

(Some of the air fresheners we sell have a “scratch and sniff” on the packet so the customers can try the scents before they buy. As I walk past our air freshener display one day, a customer browsing them asks me for help.)

Customer: “Excuse me. How do I use the scratch and sniff on this?”

About To Get A Battery Of New Charges

, , , | Right | September 7, 2018

(During my first week working for a well-known auto retailer, a customer walks in with a lawn mower battery.)

Customer: “I need this charged right away and I will be back in twenty minutes.”

Me: “Sir, this battery requires at least an eight-hour trickle charge. Fast charging will damage this battery and possibly cause it to explode.”

Customer: “Look, I bring all my lawn batteries here and they put it in that machine for fifteen minutes and it is ready to go. I do this twice a week.”

Me: “Okay. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Customer: “Man, I wouldn’t lie about it. Trust me.”

(I take battery and place it in charger. Ten minutes later the entire store starts to smell like sulfur and burning metal. I go back to the charger and the battery is swollen to twice its normal size and acid pouring down the sides. The customer comes back and I show him the destroyed battery.)

Customer: “Wow, putting it on fast charge does that?”

Me: “I thought you said you do this all the time here on that charger?”

Customer: “I knew you were new so I figured you didn’t know what you were talking about. So is it okay to trickle charge now?”

Me: “Not now. It is hazardous material and has to be contained and shipped to the battery disposal company.”

Customer: *dumb look on his face* “So I have to buy a new one?”

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