This Customer Has Blown Another Kind Of Valve

, , , | Right | November 3, 2018

(It is my first week at a new job, and I have been lucky that most of the “regulars” recognize that I am new to this store and try to help me help THEM. One customer comes in with a part and drops it onto the counter in front of me, ignoring the customer I’m already waiting on.)

Customer: “I need one of these, and I AIN’T GOT ALL F****** DAY!”

(I recognize the general part as being a valve and ask what it goes on — what does it do?)

Customer: “My truck, smarta**!” *not the answer we need*

(At this point the customer that was already in front of me looks over and says:)

Regular Customer: “That looks like a [specific type of valve]. What kind of truck does it go on?”

(The customer ignores the regular customer and just glares at me, so I ask him the same question.)

Me: “Sir, what kind of truck does it go on?”

Customer: “My red one!”

Failed In The Wink Of An Eye

, , , , , | Right | October 24, 2018

Me: *finish ringing up the customer’s items* “Ok. That comes to $67.47”

Customer: *leans in very close and looks over his shoulder and whispers* “Hey, man. Can I get a discount?” *proceeds to give me a wink*

(I lean in equally as close and look over my shoulder and whisper…)

Me: “No”.

Customer: *smile fades from face*

Me: *unenthusiastic stone-faced wink* “$67.47, please.”

And You Drive A Car?

, , , , | Right | October 21, 2018

(Some of the air fresheners we sell have a “scratch and sniff” on the packet so the customers can try the scents before they buy. As I walk past our air freshener display one day, a customer browsing them asks me for help.)

Customer: “Excuse me. How do I use the scratch and sniff on this?”

About To Get A Battery Of New Charges

, , , | Right | September 7, 2018

(During my first week working for a well-known auto retailer, a customer walks in with a lawn mower battery.)

Customer: “I need this charged right away and I will be back in twenty minutes.”

Me: “Sir, this battery requires at least an eight-hour trickle charge. Fast charging will damage this battery and possibly cause it to explode.”

Customer: “Look, I bring all my lawn batteries here and they put it in that machine for fifteen minutes and it is ready to go. I do this twice a week.”

Me: “Okay. I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Customer: “Man, I wouldn’t lie about it. Trust me.”

(I take battery and place it in charger. Ten minutes later the entire store starts to smell like sulfur and burning metal. I go back to the charger and the battery is swollen to twice its normal size and acid pouring down the sides. The customer comes back and I show him the destroyed battery.)

Customer: “Wow, putting it on fast charge does that?”

Me: “I thought you said you do this all the time here on that charger?”

Customer: “I knew you were new so I figured you didn’t know what you were talking about. So is it okay to trickle charge now?”

Me: “Not now. It is hazardous material and has to be contained and shipped to the battery disposal company.”

Customer: *dumb look on his face* “So I have to buy a new one?”

Fraught With A Quart

, , , , , , | Working | July 20, 2018

(I’m bringing some used motor oil to an auto parts store to be recycled. Depending on who’s working at the time, they may take the oil for me, or they might have me go in the back and pour it out myself. This time, an employee escorts me to the recycling tank. Each time this is done, there’s a log that needs to be filled out. We get to the part regarding “quantity” when this happens.)

Employee: “So, how much?”

Me: “Well, this says gallons, so let’s say one.”

Employee: *indicating my container* “That’s one?”

Me: “Well, it’s five quarts, and there are four quarts in a gallon, so it’s a little more than one.”

Employee: “So…”

Me: “We can say one and a half, because that’s gallons.”

Employee: “So, four?”

Me: *giving up* “Sure.”

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