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Poured Oil On Troubled Water

| MO, USA | Transportation

(I work in a major auto parts store. A customer comes in one day.)

Customer: “My ‘check oil’ light is on. Do you think I need some oil?”

Me: “I’d say so.”

(The customer gets one quart of our in-house oil brand and I ring her up. She dumps the oil into her engine, which instantly starts smoking. She then drives off, but comes back five minutes later.)

Customer: “That one bottle wasn’t enough. Do you think I need more?”

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Beautiful Resolution

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Family & Kids, Love/Romance

(I’m the only female employee at a well known auto parts store. I’m at the register with a coworker of mine.)

Customer: *while my coworker rings him up* “You’re gorgeous! You’re very beautiful.”

Me: “Thanks.”

Customer: “No, seriously! You have beautiful eyes. You look like an old movie star. You’re beautiful.”

Me: *obviously uncomfortable at this stage* “Thank you.”

Customer: “You’re lovely. Oh, don’t be worried! I’m married.”

Me: *motioning to my coworker* “That guy? He’s my dad. Trust me, I’m not worried.”

(The customer walked away obviously embarrassed, but now awkwardly stuttering:)

Customer: “Well… your daughter is lovely!”

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Doesn’t Register How Stupid You’re Being

| Nottingham, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I work in a retail chain selling car parts and accessories. We are often asked by customers to look up parts for their vehicle. The most accurate way to search is using the car’s registration number. One day a customer marches up to me and, without first politely asking for my attention or assistance, he barks his order at me.)

Customer: “I want brake pads for my car.”

Me: *politely* “Sure, can I take your registration number, please?”

Customer: *getting instantly high rate* “Why should I tell you that? I’m not giving you my registration number.”

Me: “It’s the most accurate way of finding out what parts you need. If you’d rather not give me the registration that’s fine I can do a manual search. What car is it?”

Customer: “I’m not telling you what car I have!”

Me: “How am I supposed to tell you what parts you need without telling me what car you have?”

Customer: “You should just know.”

Me: “Sir, with the kindest of respects there are thousands of different vehicles on the road with literally hundreds of thousands of parts available. Even a fully qualified mechanic would first need to look up what parts are required for a particular vehicle and we’re not mechanics here; we just work in a shop. Besides it would be impossible for anybody to tell you what parts are required without first knowing what car it is!”

Customer: “Fine, it’s a Ford.”

Me: “And what model Ford is it?”

Customer: “A blue one.”

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Driving Temperature Change

| MI, USA | Bizarre

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Lady: “I need a thermostat.”

Me: “Okay. What’s it for?”

Lady: “It’s for my car.”

Me: “Okay, but what is it going in?”

Lady: “It’s going in my car!”

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Time For Her To Re-Tire

| MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(I work at a large chain auto parts store.)

Customer: “Do you plug tires?”

Me: “No, ma’am, we do not.”

Customer: “I have a hole in my tire. I just got air and it’s leaking out. It’s on top and I need something to put on it so I can drive home.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t have anything you can put—”

Customer: “Do you have any tape?”

Me: *stifling a laugh* “The only tape I have is scotch tape and that won’t work.”

Customer: “Can I have a piece?”

(I tear her off about six inches of tape and watch as she goes outside, puts it on her tire and drives off!)

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