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Thanos’s Good Ideas Continue To Pay Off Somehow

, , , , , , , | Friendly | May 26, 2020

I’m a ski instructor that works in the Austrian Alps. I’m in charge of a group of ski students from a boarding school in the UK.

One of my students is wearing a suit of motocross armour under his ski clothes — a full neck guard, breastplate, shoulder armour, elbow and knee pads, gauntlets, buttplate, and calf armour. They are all made of the same reinforced plastic as his ski helmet. He wears it as he is “paranoid that he’d get hurt on the slopes.” We all laugh and call him a wimp. As his armour is painted bright gold, everyone calls him “Thanos.”

This happens on the third day of skiing. Thanos manages to get into the ski lift ahead of us, and there’s a group of what looks like university-age girls speaking in obvious American accents. They’re quite loud and when in the queue, they use their poles to disconnect the skis of the person in front of them before shoving them aside before taking their spot. It’s gotten more than one person angry, but the girls ignore them.

They reach Thanos, but when they try to disconnect his skis, he moves his leg out of the way, lightly knocking one of them on the ankle in the process. Those girls go ballistic, shouting about him being rude and a jerka**. They start swearing, but Thanos has reached the front by then and goes up the lift.

I think that’s the end of it, but that is not the case. When Thanos reaches the top, he patiently waits for the rest of us, but the university girls get up there first. They see him and start shouting and swearing at him, calling him rude and demanding an apology.

Naturally, all they get is a flat refusal. They take that poorly, to say the least. They then start hitting him with their ski poles and punching him with their fists. He turtles up and takes the hits, calling out for help while telling his assailants to desist. The girls push him over and then they notice that he is Chinese and add accusations about the recent health crisis — this is during the outbreak in Italy.

At this point, I arrive with a few more students. Seeing us and some ski patrol guys rushing toward them, the girls run off, leaving Thanos behind.

Thanos says cheerfully, getting up, “Well, thank goodness for my armour.”

[Student #1] asks, “Did that even hurt?”

“Nope,” Thanos responds. “Barely felt a thing.”

“Dang, that armour’s tough,” I observe. “I’ll be more worried about the person that rams into you than you.”

“Told you all that my paranoia was justified,” Thanos says smugly.

[Student #2] asks, in an appalled tone, “This was what you were paranoid about?”

I ask him, “Should we go to the police? Press charges?”

Thanos just says, “Nah. It’s our holiday. Let them go. Besides, they’re long gone by now.”

We reluctantly agree with him and continue skiing, but I just wonder what would have happened if Thanos wasn’t wearing his armour or if they had gone after one of the other students. Would they be unharmed and treat the whole thing as a joke? Those girls could have hurt someone badly, and I can only hope that they face justice at some point in the future.

Related:
Thanos Had One (1) Good Idea

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Thanos Had One (1) Good Idea

, , , , , | Learning | May 19, 2020

I’m a ski instructor working for a ski school. This winter, we were hired as ski instructors for a high school ski trip. I was assigned the most advanced skiers, who consistently insisted on taking the hardest slopes and racing at high speeds.

During our lunch break on the first day, when we took off our jackets, I noticed that, apart from the mandatory helmet, one of the boys was wearing a full suit of armour underneath. It was a complete suit of hard plastic motocross armour, with a breastplate, shoulder armour, elbow and knee braces, gauntlets, shin guards, buttplate, calf armour, and a neck brace. It was also bright golden, as he once wore it as a Thanos cosplay.

We all laughed and mocked him over it, but he took it in good stride, lamenting that he didn’t bring his purple face paint or two Infinity Gauntlets and laughing off us calling him a coward, insisting that it was a worthwhile precaution. 

By the last day, after several crashes, everyone was sore and bruised. One of the guys even dislocated his shoulder after he tumbled down a slope. On the other hand, Thanos was completely unscathed, despite tumbling down a slope in a similar manner thrice — he was showing off — being rammed into by another skier, and even getting into a fistfight with a pair of very rude Americans.

That was the first time in my seven years of ski instructing that I ever heard or saw anyone do that, but given the amount of punishment he shrugged off, I’m starting to think he had a point.

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A Heartbreaking Lack Of Pets In This Story

, , , , , , | Friendly | May 6, 2020

I was going out for a walk and ended up at a crossing where I waited for the light to turn green. I was joined by a middle-aged woman and her teeny, tiny puppy on a leash.

As I locked eyes with the dog, it started to tremble and wag its tail — more like its whole backside — ready to explode with happiness as it was about to be pet by me.

I was about to ask the woman if that was okay for her, when she suddenly looked at me and barked, “NO!”

I learned my lesson. I’m not sure the dog did, though.

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She Should Just Scoot On Out Of There

, , , , | Right | April 30, 2020

I am working at a movie theater. As part of the safety precautions, larger items aren’t allowed in the auditorium. A school class was here yesterday for a private viewing and a boy had to leave his scooter with us. We have a little room behind the register, barely big enough to store bigger items and for lost and found, where the employee on duty stored the scooter.

Apparently, the little boy forgot to reclaim his scooter after the movie, so the next day, as soon as we open, he and his mother return to get it. The mother approaches me angrily, as if it is my fault and not her son’s.

Mother: “My son forgot his scooter here yesterday. It’s red and black. Is it still there?”

Me: “Let me check.”

I check the small room and it’s there, the only scooter we have at the moment, so I bring it out.

Mother: “Well, thanks. Wait, it doesn’t look right. The handle is too high!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, that must have happened while carrying it.”

Mother: “Bulls***! It can’t just adjust like that while carrying it. You have to use a screwdriver to adjust it. Someone did this on purpose and probably drove around in that room back there!”

Me: “I assure you, nobody—”

Mother: *Interrupting* “Bulls***! You’re lying! You or one of your colleagues was driving around on it.”

Me: “We respect our customers’ belongings, and apart from that, we have neither the time nor the space for driving around on your kid’s scooter.”

The manager — who is maybe about twenty-five — and another curious employee come to join me because they overheard the woman getting louder and louder.

Manager: “Excuse me, may I help you?”

The mother tells the manager that someone drove around on the scooter and that I’m lying to her.

Mother: “But maybe you dumb young people just can’t grasp what I’m trying to say. Maybe—” *turns to me* “—you could call the manager so he can listen to how you treat me.”

I turn around to the manager who is standing next to me.

Me: “[Manager], this woman needs your help.”

Mother: “You’re the— Anyway, do something!”

Manager: “Maybe we could get a screwdriver from the office and readjust your son’s scooter. Although I highly doubt any of our employees used the scooter, I apologize for any inconvenience.”

Meanwhile, the son is looking more and more visibly embarrassed for his mother’s behavior. Suddenly, while holding the scooter the whole time, he begins nudging her and trying to tell her something.

Boy: “Mooom?”

Mother: “Not now!”

Boy: “But Moooom!”

Mother: “WHAT IS IT?!”

Boy: “Look, the handle can be readjusted without a screwdriver; you just have to pull and—”

The mother has a shocked stare and then turns back to us.

Mother: “Anyway, there is probably something else you did wrong, so I’m not sorry for accusing you!”

She stormed off.

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Sorry, Ma’am, This Is The Ugly Section

, , , | Right | April 15, 2020

I am a customer browsing through the tableware department and I witness an elderly couple approaching a sales clerk.

Man: “Is this the tableware?”

Sales Clerk: *somewhat puzzled* “Yes, this here is the tableware.”

Woman: “We are looking for a certain dinner set which we saw in your catalogue.”

Sales Clerk: “Sure, what does it look like?”

Woman: “Beautiful.”

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