Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Providing All Sorts Of Aid

, | Friendly | January 16, 2017

(I’m volunteering and badly cut a finger while hanging clothes. I go to the main office, and the first idle person I find is a psychologist I’ve never spoken with before. They are usually busy counseling people who fled from war zones.)

Me: “Hi! Sorry to bother you with trivial stuff, but do you happen to have a bandage?”

Psychologist: *jokingly* “Wonderful, something meaningful for me to do! I can finally apply my degree for the first time today!”

Me: “Yeah, this is obviously a cry for help. My sub-consciousness must have decided that I needed to hurt myself once my skin encountered the manic thrill of touching a coat hanger.”

Psychologist: “Perfect. A challenge. Attempted suicide by self-mutilation.”

(She hands me a bandage.)

Psychologist: “It’s nice to know that my full expertise can be applied to such a demanding case.”

Me: “Thank you for taming my bloodthirsty inner demon!”

(We joked some more, and once I went back to sorting clothes, I tried to be more careful than before. An hour later, however, I managed to cut myself again. Too scared to return to the office and risk making the psychologist worry for real, I worked the rest of the day stitched up with packing tape.)

1 Thumbs

Time To Say Bye Bye Baby

, , , , , | Friendly | February 3, 2016

(I’m in an elevator leaving a subway station. Entering with me are an old man and a young woman, the latter with a baby stroller filled with shopping bags.)

Old Man: *leaning above the stroller* “Hey, sweet baby, look at me!”

Young Woman: *with suppressed laughter* “There is no baby.”

Old Man: *still face to face with nothing but plastic bags* “Why won’t he talk to me? He’s so quiet!”

Young Woman: *no longer amused* “That’s my shopping.”

(We exit the elevator. The old man still doesn’t want to let go of the imaginary baby and sets out to follow her. I start walking in the other direction until his tone changes and my conscience kicks in.)

Old Man: *angrily* “Did I scare him? Why doesn’t he answer when I talk to him?”

Me: *calling back towards them* “Hey, [Some Random Female Name], where are you going? Come on, hurry, our exit is over there.”

(She was very relieved to take the long way to the original destination.)

This story is part of our Subway roundup!

Read the next story in this roundup!

Read the Subway roundup!

1 Thumbs


, | Working | December 16, 2015

(We’re talking about what we’d do if faced with the decision between eating another human or death. Coworker #1 is a vegetarian.)

Coworker #1: “I’d rather starve. Eating another human is even worse than eating an animal. I wouldn’t do that.”

Coworker #2: “Don’t be so sure about that. I don’t think you can know how you’re going to react in such extreme situations until you actually are in them.”

Coworker #1: “No, I know I wouldn’t eat meat under any circumstances.”

Me: “Okay then. If we’re ever stuck in a bunker together, we’ll eat [Coworker #1] first. She’s going to starve to death anyway, so we might as well eat her before she gets too skinny.”

1 Thumbs