(I work as a web developer but I also take care of IT in the office. I come back to work after being sick for two days.)

Coworker: *annoyed* “Good, you are back. I wasn’t able to open PDF documents for two days.”

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “The program doesn’t work anymore. This is a disaster; I wasn’t able to work for days. You need to fix this now!”

Me: “Show me what’s going on.”

(I check her computer. When I open a document the program says, “Your reader has been updated,” and there is a close button.)

Me: “Why didn’t you just click on the close button?”

Coworker: “How am I supposed to know I can do that? I was afraid I was going to destroy it. This is your fault; you are responsible for this! Fix it now. I need to do my work!”

(I click on the close button and the program works as it is supposed to.)

Me: “Here, I fixed it.”

Coworker: “This is all your fault. I will tell the boss that I wasn’t able to work because of you. You should make sure that things like this do not happen.”

Me: *head meets desk*

(When creating online accounts, I usually fill the “Recovery Questions” with another random password and store both in my password safe. I do the same for a password for an online shopping service. Cue the following call:)

Caller: “I’m calling on behalf of [Shop] and wanted to clear a problem with your password recovery answer.”

Me: “Yes?”

Caller: “It seems you entered some random characters as the answer to, ‘What is your mother’s maiden name?’. You’re not supposed to put your password there, but answer the question.”

(I go into explanation mode on how password recovery features are insecure.)

Caller: “Still, you need to put a correct answer there; if you lose your password how do you plan to recover it?”

Me: “I have the password stored in my password safe.”

Caller: “You might lose it.”

Me: “It’s stored on a RAID 6 guarded by a three-generation backup off-site.”

Caller: *pause* “It’s still not something you’d remember.”

Me: *getting fed up* “So what? It’s stored on—”

Caller: *interrupting* “But it may get lost; it always happens and then you have no way to recover your account. We take this very seriously and—”

Me: *also interrupting* “Okay, I will remember this!”

Caller: “You want to tell me you would remember… 5zNdkU1Pr9kN—”

Me: *interrupting and reading the rest of the answer I stored* “Of course I will. That’s my mother’s maiden name.”

Caller: “…”

Me: “My mother was an alien from Tau Ceti Five and 5zNdkU… is a perfectly normal and actually even fairly common name there!”

Caller: “…”

Me: “Are you saying my mom was not a decent person just because she doesn’t have a German name like Huber or Maier? Are we at that point already again?”

Caller: “N… no, of course not, but…”

Me: “Because I didn’t expect [Company] to be in any way xenophobic.”

Caller: “Of… of course we are not, but…”

Me: “Great. So, I guess you have no further inquiries about my mother’s maiden name?”

Caller: “Er… have a nice day.”

Me: “Same to you.”

(I don’t know whether she thought I was nuts, and I’m usually not the one to play the xenophobia card, but seriously, what trouble do you put people through for an online shopping account?)

(A woman walks into the store with something held closely to her chest. It is obvious that she is crying.)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “My baby… My baby is dead…”

(Not knowing what to expect, I get nervous and turn a bit pale. She then shows me what she is holding: a smartphone with a black screen.)

Customer: “I don’t know what to do… It’s so important to me… And it’s my little darling… Please help me…” *single tear running down her face*

(The phone doesn’t react at first, but after removing and inserting the battery pack again it works just fine. Her eyes go wide and she stutters softly.)

Me: “Don’t worry. If you want, you can call it a hiccup. I fixed it and it should be working just fine. Let me know if I can help you from time to time.”

(She thanked me a few times and gave me a tip, all while the other customers stood there, not knowing if to giggle or be concerned. I wasn’t laughing, but it sure was something to talk about with my coworkers.)

(I am about to move and ran out of boxes. I head to the nearest hardware store to buy two. It’s Wednesday morning, so the shop is dead; I am the only customer. I get my boxes and head to the checkout. The boxes get scanned by a bored cashier, for 5€ in total. I pay with a 20€.)

Cashier: “Here is your change.”

(She hands me a 5€ note.)

Me: “But I paid with a 20€.”

Cashier: “No, you didn’t. You paid with a 10€ note.”

Me: “I am sure I did pay with a 20€ note!”

Cashier: “Yeah, but to check I would have to count all my change. This would take a while.”

(She is obviously not interested in doing so.)

Me: “Please do. I have time.”

(She sighs heavily and calls for a second cashier. Without even looking at me, both start counting the money, which takes twenty minutes. In the end, it becomes obvious that she has 10€ too much in her till. Without further comment or even an apology she hands me two 5€ notes.)

Me: “Can you please give me a 10€?”

(She looks into her till and shakes her head.)

Cashier: “I don’t have a 10€ note in my till.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “I need a medical thermometer.”

Me: “A digital one that’s battery-operated or a glass one without a battery?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

(Since a digital one gives results faster, I grab one and hand it to the customer.)

Customer: “Oh, no, I’ve got one of these at home, but it has no battery, and it’s not working!”

Me: “These run all on battery. Maybe the battery in yours is empty.”

Customer: *thinking hard for a minute* “Maybe that’s why it’s not working anymore.”

Me: *internal facepalm*