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Your Right To Entry Is Not The Same As Your Right To Be Human

, , , , , , | Right | October 26, 2021

We are in the middle of a lockdown. Masks are to be worn by everyone outdoors, and particularly when entering any shop or other venue. Patrons are also required to check in their name and phone number for tracking purposes, either by using a check-in app or other means.

I’m standing at the door, checking patrons in, when a rather large man strides importantly up to me and attempts to push me aside so he can enter. I politely bar his way.

Me: “Excuse me, sir, but you must wear a mask if you want to come in here, and you must check in, too.”

Patron: *Very aggressively* “No! Wearing a mask is blasphemy. It’s up to God to decide who gets, or doesn’t get, the disease, so wearing a mask is flouting God’s will!”

I’m trying not to get involved in a religious argument. 

Me: “Sir, the law requires you to wear a mask, regardless.”

Patron: *Getting more aggressive* “It is my human right to freedom of religious beliefs. If you force me to wear a mask, you are denying me my human rights!”

I’m not too sure where I stand legally on the situation.

Me: “Well, sir, I can’t allow you to come in. If you force your way in without wearing a mask or checking in, it is my duty to call the police. You can fight it out with them.”

Patron: “You haven’t heard the end of this! I am going straight to see my lawyer to make a complaint to the Human Rights Commission. You will hear more from them when they put you in prison for denying me my human rights!”

He strode rapidly away, leaving a number of other patrons asking what was going on. I simply shrugged and continued checking in the other patrons. I never heard any more about it.

When A Lockdown Is Just A Suggestion

, , , , , | Right | October 15, 2021

We are in lockdown here. All businesses and venues open to the public must be registered, and patrons must check in using an app or by providing the owner with their names and phone numbers. Owners are held responsible for making sure that patrons check in properly and can refuse entry to anyone who does not comply. If a patron makes trouble over checking in or not being allowed entry, then the owner is authorised to call the police to sort it out.

I am displaying the proper signs and check-in information, and I take the checking in very seriously. I see a woman enter without showing her phone.

Me: “Hello, have you checked in all right?”

I suspect she hasn’t.

Customer: *Irritably* “No, I can’t be bothered with all that trouble.”

I respond quietly, trying to be helpful without causing an argument.

Me: “You are required to check in using the app or give me your name and phone number so I can register your visit here.”

Customer: *Glaring at me* “No! I’m not giving you my phone number. That’s personal information and I don’t know what you are going to do with it.”

Me: “It’s not for me; it’s for your own benefit. If you don’t check in one way or the other, I can’t allow you to come in.”

She is already several metres inside and still moving forward. I move very slightly toward her but still keep a safe distance. The woman suddenly turns on me and starts shouting.

Customer: “Touch me and I will have you up for assault and discrimination because I’m a woman!”

I quickly step back, holding up my arms.

Me: “All right! All right! I wasn’t going to touch you, but if you don’t behave properly and check in, it is my duty to notify the police.”

She turns and walks out, shouting over her shoulder.

Customer: “Don’t be stupid! You don’t know my name, my phone number, or where I live, and I’m wearing a mask, so how are the police going to find me?”

Even though she had actually been inside and should have been checked in, there was not much I could do about it once she had gone. I was left bewildered and confused, wondering why some people feel that they have to be so troublesome.

Someone This Stupid Should Not Be Behind The Wheel

, , , , , | Legal | September 22, 2021

My friend is a police officer. He and his partner are driving behind a car that isn’t doing much to attract their attention, but their onboard computer tells them that the owner’s driving licence has been suspended for multiple DUI offences.

They pull the car over for a licence check, and the young man driving explains that it is his mother’s car and she allows him to use it. That’s no problem, but just to make sure, they ask for his licence as identification.

The Provisional Licence — one step up from a Learner’s Permit — he only had for three months has been cancelled for many unpaid speeding fines.

Police Officer: “Since you are driving without a valid licence, we are impounding the vehicle.”

Young Man: “Do you have to? I need to take the car home so that my mother will have it to go to work tomorrow.”

Police Officer: *Stunned* “You want me to let you drive home tonight, without a licence, so that your mother can drive to work tomorrow, also without a licence?”

The young man apparently doesn’t see any problem with this.

Young Man: “Yes, that would be very good of you. It would save me getting told off by my mom and she wouldn’t stop me borrowing the car.”

The officer turns to his partner, who is trying to stifle a laugh.

Police Officer: “It’s not funny!”

Trying not to laugh himself, he shakes his head and turns to the young man.

Police Officer: “I think we had better take you into the station and have a long talk with you and your mother when she comes to get you.”

Volume High, Intelligence Low

, , , , , | Friendly | September 6, 2021

I live in a flat near a woman who disturbs the whole block of flats with her very loud music. When we can’t stand it any longer, a group of us go to ask her to turn it down a bit. Because the music is so loud, it takes a lot of banging on her front door to get her attention. When she finally answers, we can’t talk to her because the music is still far too loud.

I push past her, go into her flat, and turn the volume down so we can talk to her. She looks very surprised.

Woman: “How did you do that?”

I’m a bit slow on the uptake here.

Me: “What?”

Woman: *Very puzzled* “How did you make it go quieter? I have been annoyed by it being too loud since I got it.”

I’m very perplexed, as we all are.

Me: “You just turn the volume control knob and it goes lower.”

Woman: *Even more puzzled* “What’s a volume control knob?”

After a demonstration, she finally came to understand that she could use the volume control to turn the loudness up or down. It appears that no one had ever told her that there was such a thing as a control to change the volume. She thought it was set at one loudness and she had to make do with it.

She still sometimes has her music a bit loud, but it’s nothing like it used to be, and now she can turn it down when we ask her to.

Not Feeling So Good

, , , , , , | Healthy | August 22, 2021

I went to my doctor for a very minor operation on my hand. He gave me two shots of local anaesthetic and we waited for a few moments for it to work. As soon as the scalpel touched my hand, I nearly jumped out of my skin.

Doctor: *Puzzled* “You shouldn’t have felt that. You must be very sensitive. I’ll give you another shot.”

We waited a few minutes again. When the scalpel touched my hand, I jumped again.

Doctor: *Even more puzzled* “You shouldn’t have felt that. I can’t give you any more; it would be a bit risky.”

I just want to get it over and done with.

Me: “It’s not so bad. Go ahead and I’ll try not to react.”

The doctor carefully and successfully finishes the operation.

Doctor: ”Has this ever happened before? It looks like anaesthetics don’t work very well on you.”

Me: “I’ve never had any sort of anaesthetic, full or local, before.”

I drove home, a trip of about an hour. I sat down with a cup of tea, and suddenly, I lost all feeling in my body. Before I could react, I fell asleep. I woke up about three hours later with no apparent after-effects, apart from being worried.

A week later, I saw my doctor for a follow-up and told him what had happened.

Doctor: *Looking very concerned* “I’ve never heard of such a reaction before. It’s a good job it didn’t happen while you were driving home. I think that you had better be very careful about having any sort of anaesthetic in the future. I will put a DANGER note in your medical record.”

I now wear a bright orange “Anaesthetic Risk” medical alert wristband ALL THE TIME!