The Gallifreyan Version Of A Magic Eight Ball

, , , , , | Friendly | November 22, 2017

(My friends and I are part of a Doctor Who fan-club. One day I come in with a stuffed version of one of the show’s characters, a robot dog called K-9, programmed to say a few of his phrases from the show when you press a button. Everyone starts playing with him.)

Friend #1: “Hey, K-9. What do you think of me?”

K-9: “Maximum defence mode!”

Friend #1: “Wow. That was… harsh. What do you think of [Friend #2]?”

K-9: “Master?”

Friend #2: “Wow; I guess K-9 has his favourites, don’t you?”

K-9: “Affirmative.”

Terror Is Color-Blind

, , , , , | Related | November 21, 2017

(My mother, while being an incredibly kind woman in all other walks of life, is alarming when it comes to racial stereotypes and is very vocal about them at home, particularly when watching the news. This particular incident is in relation to the recent shooting in Las Vegas, Nevada. On the night of the attack, when there is very little knowledge of the attacker released by media, we have this discussion:)

Dad: “Is it another terror attack?”

Me: “Yeah, in Las Vegas this time.”

Dad: “What, by a Muslim man?”

Mum: “Of course it’s another Muslim! Who else causes terror attacks these days?”

Me: “They haven’t said anything about the guy’s race, not that it even matters, and you know that anyone can cause a terror attack, right? It’s not just Muslims.”

Mum: “But who else would?”

(My sister and I both roll our eyes, not wanting to start an argument, and just let it go. The next afternoon, the name of the attacker is released.)

Mum: “Oh, look; he’s black.”

Me: “What?”

Mum: “Oh, half-black. Half-black!”

(A photo appears on the TV, showing that the attacker is clearly of Caucasian descent.)

Mum: “Wait… He’s white?”

Me: “YES. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT RACE; ANYONE CAN MURDER ANYONE!”

(To top it off, we are all of Southeast Asian decent, and my mother is a strong supporter of Pauline Hanson, a Senator who could be described as the Australian Donald Trump, and still supports her even after my sister and I told her she’s attempted to get Asians kicked out of Australia. Thoughts and prayers are with the victims of the shooting.)

They Can’t Worm Their Way Out Of This One

, , , , , , , | Working | November 21, 2017

(I am with my mum and some friends of the family at a restaurant. We have ordered our meals and they just arrived.)

Mum: “OH, MY GOD!”

(Everyone looks over to see some form of worm or larvae inside the duck she ordered.)

Mum: *not in an angry tone but more looking to help out* “Excuse me; there are some worms in my meal.”

(The waiter walks over and inspects the duck.)

Waiter: “I don’t see anything.”

Everyone At The Table: “What do you mean?”

Waiter: “I can take it back to have it inspected.”

Mum: “That would be great.”

(After a short wait the manager with the waiter come back.)

Manager: “We inspected the duck and found no worms.”

Mum: “We all saw it.”

(Everyone nods and agrees.)

Manager: “We can’t do anything; if you’d like a free meal or refund, we aren’t giving you one!”

(At this point the manager is yelling.)

Mum: “We told you to let you know that maybe your supplier has a problem, and that it should be checked up.”

Manager: “THAT COSTS MONEY!”

Mum: “We only want to help; we don’t want any refund or free meals.”

Manager: “WE AREN’T GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU. WE HAD THE DUCK CHECKED AND NO WORMS WERE THERE!”

Mum: “Are you seriously getting angry at us for making a suggestion to change suppliers?”

(We left and filed a complaint to health services.)

Oscar Mike Golf

, , , , , , | Working | November 20, 2017

I am doing some stock take at a high-end watch shop. Each watch has a long serial number on the back, a combination of letters and numbers. All the staff use the International Radio Alphabet (Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, etc.) to call out the serial numbers. The store manager comes from upstairs, needing a watch to transfer to another store — a fairly common occurrence.

He needs to note the serial number on our POS system, but elects to write the number down and fill it in later.

The number is called up to him as another sales staff packages up the watch in a pretty box.

Later, the manager is getting frustrated with the POS system not accepting the serial number.

He’s about to go berserk at the sales clerk that’s reading him the number, until I check, and the manager is trying to enter “Whiskey Romeo 3456” rather than “WR3456″ into the database.”

Hard To Accept The Hard Drive

, , , , | Working | November 20, 2017

(I work at a computer store in the repair section. I’ve just diagnosed a customer’s computer and called them to say what needs fixing.)

Me: “I found that the email program wasn’t loading due to a corrupt file caused by bad sectors on the drive. My recommendation is to replace the drive.”

Customer: “Can I have some time to think about it?”

(This is normal and usually means the customer is considering buying a new machine rather than repairing their old one. When they ring back:)

Me: “So, have you decided to go through with the repair?”

Customer: “My nephew just Googled the problem and it couldn’t be a faulty hard drive.”

(I was dumbstruck at this point. They were waiting for my response and I didn’t know what else to tell them. Apparently my answer, based on evidence and backed by 20 years experience, held less weight than an answer from a relative who spent five minutes on Google. I wanted to just tell them to fix it themselves, but then I would still have to charge the diagnosis fee. In the end, I did what any self-respecting worker would do: I handed the problem off to the other tech to deal with.)

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