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A Ham-Fisted Attempt To Poison Themselves

, , , , | Right | August 4, 2021

I work in supermarket deli and I get a customer who asks me if she can taste test the sliced ham. She is standing in front of the short-cut bacon section that has giant special tickets up surrounding it.

Me: “Sure, our ham is just down this way, which one would you like to taste-test?”

Customer: “That one!” *Pointing at the bacon*

Me: “Ma’am, that’s our bacon.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I want to try it.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t give you raw bacon, ma’am.”

Customer: *Still pointing at the bacon* “I don’t want the bacon. I want that ham!”

Me: *Pointing at the other end of the case* “That is bacon; our ham is kept down there.”

Customer: “You just don’t want to give away free food!”

She stormed off. No helping some people.

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The Price Of Assuming

, , , | Right | August 3, 2021

I work at a craft store. One day, I overhear a customer complaining to her friend that she prefers to buy online because it’s cheaper. Her friend says that she prefers to shop.

Customer #1: *Smugly* “I’ll prove it to you; I got this on eBay the other day.” *Leans down to choose a product* “Oh, s***!”

Customer #2: “What’s wrong?”

Customer #1: “It’s only [Price]. I paid double that and extra for delivery.”

I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing.

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Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 16

, , , , | Right | August 2, 2021

I’m the manager of an independent supermarket in outback Australia. We are the only proper supermarket within 100 kms. The original owner has passed away and his family has sold the supermarket. It has not been made known publicly who the new owners are.

The day the new owners take over, a woman whose family owns a large cattle station comes in. She is known to be extremely rude and has made many workers cry and more than one quit. The original owner refused to ban her as she would spend several thousand dollars once or twice a month. She often comes in and demands that we do her shopping for her, which is a service we do not offer. The problem is that the list she leaves will have things like “bread” written. Not what type, just “bread.” No matter if the same one is given as the previous time, it is always wrong and she causes a huge scene.

I’m serving a customer at the service desk and cigarette counter when she interrupts.

Rude Customer: “You!” *Snaps her fingers in my face* “This needs to be done. I’ll be back in an hour and it had better be right this time.”

Me: *To the original customer* “Please excuse me for a minute.” *To the rude customer* “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but personal shopping is not a service we offer.”

Rude Customer: “I don’t care. You need to do what I say. Now get to it. I don’t have time to deal with idiots like you.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not your slave. You have interrupted the customer I am serving, and quite frankly, I’m sick of the way you treat me and my staff. You need to apologize and learn some manners or find somewhere else to do your shopping.”

Rude Customer: “Listen here, you little s***. You do as I say, or I’ll have your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, you need to leave. You can come back when you’ve learnt some manners and are ready to apologize or you can shop elsewhere.”

Rude Customer: *Yelling* “I’ll have your job for this, you stupid piece of s***! I’m very good friends with the new owners and I’ll make sure you’re fired. I’ll make sure my groceries come out of your pay! You’ll regret ever crossing me, you stupid slut!”

One of the new owners who has heard everything comes out from the back.

New Owner: “Is there a problem here?”

Me: “This woman has caused many problems in the past and is now causing a scene. I’m banning her.”

Rude Customer: “Who the f*** are you? I’ll have everyone in this s***hole fired!”

New Owner: “Ma’am, you need to leave before I call the police and have you trespassed. You are no longer welcome here.”

Rude Customer: “F*** you! You have no idea who I am! I’m calling the owners and having you both fired!”

Me: “No need to call them; you’re already talking to them. You have been asked by both owners to leave. Now, I suggest you do and stop making a bigger idiot of yourself than you already are.”

She stands there for a minute turning several interesting shades of red before storming out.

New Owner: “Is that the woman you told me about?”

Me: *Slowly calming down* “Yes, and man, that felt good.” *To the original customer* “Sir, I am so sorry for that.”

Customer: “Heck, you have nothing to apologize for. What a b****. That was the best thing I’ve seen in years. I feel like I should be paying for the show! Thank God you guys won’t put up with the crap some people around here try to pull.”

A few days later, the rude woman’s husband came in and apologized for her behaviour. We agreed to allow anyone from their station but her to shop with us, but if she sets foot back in our store, the police will be called. I love being my own boss!

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 15
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 14
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 13
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 12
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 11

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

Read the next Best Of August 2021 roundup story!

Read the Best Of August 2021 roundup!

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Take A Pregnant Pause To Reconsider Your Ideals

, , , , , , | Right | July 28, 2021

I used to work for a Christian retailer for many years, and whoo-boy, could I tell some stories. This one sticks in my mind, however.

One of my coworkers, a young unmarried female, fell pregnant — a bit of a no-no to our customer base. To assist her, she was retrained for a different department which had limited contact with the shop floor. One day, however, she needed to get something from the counter and a female customer spotted her.

Immediately, the customer exclaimed:

Customer: “Oh, you’re pregnant! That’s so exciting! Your husband must be so pleased.”

I could see my coworker have a mini internal struggle as to whether she should lie or tell the truth. She chose the latter and advised the customer that she was not married.

The customer’s countenance immediately changed and she began raging about sin and how terrible this girl was, etc. I bee-lined over right away and politely asked my coworker, now close to tears, to please pop out back for a moment as the manager was looking for her.

As soon as she left, I whirled on the customer and let fly.

Me: “How dare you judge that girl! You have no idea the circumstances surrounding her pregnancy! She may have been raped for all you know! Or divorced. Or any number of things. You have no right to judge her whatsoever.”

I let fly for a few more moments before the customer, who at least now looked properly chastened, left the store.

As soon as she left, my manager popped out from the next aisle, having heard the whole thing.

Manager: “You know, I technically should reprimand you for speaking to a customer like that.” *Pauses* “I won’t, though. Well done.”

We never saw that customer again.

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That’s Going To Be A Big Dirty NEIGH To That Return

, , , , , | Right | July 26, 2021

A customer comes in with a small digital thermometer, the kind that generally goes under the armpit or in your mouth. As such, they’re designed to be resistant to fluids, although they’re not entirely waterproof because, hey, they are cheap.

Customer: “I bought this a few days ago and took a couple of readings, and now it’s stopped working. I think maybe it’s the battery. Can I have a refund or an exchange?”

Coworker: “Let’s have a look and see if we can change the battery first.”

My coworker opens the battery case of the thermometer and finds it rather brown inside. As she’s new and unsure of what to do, she asks my opinion.

I take note of the brown and then notice that the outside of the thermometer is damp.

Me: “It looks wet. Could it be water damage?”

My coworker tilts the thermometer to try to see the battery better, and suddenly, about two teaspoons of very brown, very murky water run out of the battery compartment and onto our bench.

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not water damage. I mean, I did wash it, but it was broken before that. I used it on my horse because he’s sick and I didn’t think you’d want to handle it unless I washed it first.”

Yep. We now had horse poo water on our bench and on my coworker’s hands. From the condition of the battery compartment, I strongly suspect that this may not have been the first time the customer had washed the thermometer.

Despite my misgivings, my manager gave the customer the exchange anyway. My coworker disposed of the used thermometer and scrubbed the bench and her hands very thoroughly.

Ah, the joys of working retail.

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