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At Least You Weren’t “That” Customer

, , , , , | Working | March 11, 2022

I was approaching the counter at a local pharmacy. I was the only one checking out at the time. I walked around a divider in the way.

The girl behind the counter politely pointed out that the entry was actually around the other side, so I backtracked and came around the other way.

Me: “I’m sorry. I didn’t see the sign.”

Assistant: “Oh, there isn’t one!”

He’s A Real Pizza Work

, , , , | Working | March 10, 2022

As a vegetarian, I’m used to having to check my pizza for meat before accepting it. One time, my friends and I got pizza delivered. I ordered a Hawaiian pizza without meat. When it arrived, my friend accepted it. When I checked mine, it was just a regular Hawaiian pizza with meat on it. Everyone else’s orders were perfect.

I had to ask for my pizza to be remade and redelivered.

When the pizza guy came back, he actually brought me a meat lover’s pizza and just left.

I called the store and asked for a manager.

Manager: *Quickly* “Don’t let anyone eat that! I discovered that our delivery driver took it from a pile of old pizzas which had been sitting out for too long and were destined for the trash bin.”

The manager himself remade my pizza and drove it out to me.

I can only assume the original delivery driver brought me an old meat lover’s pizza on purpose. I’m just glad that the store’s manager actually cared about their customers.

Sometimes A Hairnet Is More Than Just A Hairnet

, , , , , , | Healthy | March 6, 2022

I had dreadful labour with my first child four years ago: forty-six unsuccessful hours where nothing went smoothly and which eventuated in an emergency caesarean under a general anaesthetic, followed by permanent nerve pain from the failed attempts of spinals and epidurals.

Fast forward to a couple of months ago. I am in the hospital being prepped for a second (planned this time) caesarean.

Things are all a bit scary, due to last time being so… well, scary… and we’re in the middle of a health crisis, so I am quite tense. I am most nervous about the epidural, but if my nerves hold up, I’ll let them attempt once, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll take the general.

I’m being prepped in various ways, with bed socks, fifty questions, and various other things. There’s time to kill before I am called in, so the nurse is pretty chill and taking her time coming to and fro with whatever props she might need.

I need the restroom and I don’t know how much time I have before I go, so I steal a moment mid-prepping.

When I return, my husband is sitting where he was, on the far side of my bed. I sit and the nurse returns. She asks us to put our hairnets on. I look all over the bed, thinking I’ve lost mime, but I realise I’ve not been given one. Suddenly, my husband looks a bit flushed.

Husband: *Embarrassed* “They gave me two hairnets while you were in the restroom. I thought they were shoe covers.”

The nurse was sympathetic, though; she had a little chuckle, but I full-on cracked up. He turned beet red but laughed along with me. The nurse said they no longer need to wear them on their feet and gave us two fresh nets.

A little later, my husband had to wait outside while they were attempting to give me an epidural. My obstetrician was in front of me, understanding my intense fear of the epidural, when I suddenly remembered the hairnets.

I chuckled to myself and my obstetrician looked confused. I had to tell her what my husband had done, and she laughed, too.

And just like that, the epidural was a success.

To this day, I don’t think what he did was that funny, but I don’t think that’s the point. The point is the fact that it was exactly what I needed at that moment, and so it still makes me laugh.

What Does “Appointment” Mean To You?

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2022

I work as a vet, and I happened to overhear the receptionist dealing with what sounded like a brief but exasperating phone call. She recounted part of it to me afterward. It took place just before 9:00 am.

Client: “I’d like to book [Dog] in for vaccination today, please.”

Receptionist: “We’re nearly fully booked today; the only appointments I have available are 10:00 am and 4:30 pm. Do either of those work for you?”

Client: “Yes, I’ll take the 10:00 am appointment. But I need to do my grocery shopping first, so I won’t get there until closer to 10:30. That’ll be okay, right?”

Receptionist: “Uh, no. If you have a 10:00 am appointment, you need to be here at 10:00 am. The vet has other patients to see after that, and we will reschedule your appointment if you’re more than five minutes late. So you can either be here at 10:00, take the 4:30 pm appointment, or we get [Dog] booked in on another day. Which would you like?”

Client: “Oh… right. I’ll be there at 10:00.”

And she was. She did apologise after the receptionist gently explained that one client being late can often make the day go wrong in a bad way, and nothing further was said.

How Else Can I Tell You That I AM ME?

, , , , , | Working | February 25, 2022

I am female, but I have a name that is usually chosen for males. I answer a phone call from a number I don’t recognize. The caller sounds like a middle-aged Aussie bloke.

Me: “Hello.”

Caller: “Hi, I’m calling for [My Name].”

Me: “That’s me.”

The caller is silent.

Me: “So, what do you want?”

Caller: “I was hoping to talk to [My Name].”

Me: “Yeah, that’s me.”

Caller: “Oh, areyouthebetterhalfthen?”

Me: “Say again?”

Caller: “Are you the better half, then?”

Me: “Um… I guess.”

Caller: “Well, I’m just ringing from [Solar Panel Company]. I’m not trying to sell you anything, but, [My Name] rang us some time ago for a quote; he was quite interested and we just wanted to follow up with him.”

Me: “Why are you saying, ‘he’? Who are you talking about?”

Caller: “[My Name].”

Me: “I’ve told you twice already: that’s me. What the f***, dude?”

Caller: “…”

I hung up.

Honestly, I get that I am female and my name is traditionally male. A lot of people are confused when they first speak to me, but they immediately take it in their stride and move on. Not this guy; his hole is so deep he’s halfway to China by now.