Very Accessible Back-Stabbing

, , , , , | Working | February 13, 2018

(I have to lay out a section at my job. I know I have to make everything accessible for our customers and I have tested it myself. The job needs to be complete for an inspection by our very strict owner. As I’m finishing, my manager comes along and decides to move one of the shelves I have put up so she can put other stock up high on the fixtures. I do feel a bit miffed that she’s changed my work but I don’t say anything. I tidy up where I am and go to move a basket where she is, but she tells me she’s still using it. That evening, I am relating a dream to a friend, who tells me that the meaning to that dream is that I have to keep an eye out for someone who’s about to stab me in the back. I get in after the owner has done his inspection and has already left.)

Manager: “[Owner] wasn’t very happy with how you left things. I had to tell him it was you who did that job. He said the work was unacceptable, so he wants to take it further, and I have to give you a verbal warning.”

Me: “Why? What was wrong with it?”

Manager: “You put the stock much too high for customers to reach.”

Me: “I don’t think I did; I’m not tall and the edges of the top shelves were at my head level. I didn’t have to stretch to take anything off them.”

Manager: “Well, what about how high the shelf with [items] on it is? Oh, wait a minute. I moved that, didn’t I? But what about [items]?” *I raise one eyebrow* “Oh, I did that, too, didn’t I? But what about the basket that was left on the floor?” *I keep my eyebrow raised and cross my arms* “Oh, that was me, too, wasn’t it?”

(I have no idea whether she’s recorded that she’s given me a verbal warning, but as I walk out of the office, much more miffed than I was last night, she still throws a little dig in.)

Manager: “So, you now know that you have to keep to the standards that [Owner] expects, don’t you? No excuses.”

I’ve Told Them A Brazillion Times

, , , , , | Friendly | February 13, 2018

(My friend was born in Brazil. When he first moved to Australia, he spoke no English, but has since become fluent. This is a conversation I’ve witnessed a few too many times.)

Person: “So, you speak Brazilian, right?”

Friend: “There’s no such language as Brazilian. Brazilian people speak Portuguese.”

Person: “Why do Brazilians speak Portuguese instead of Brazilian? That doesn’t make any sense.”

Friend: “Why do Australians speak English instead of Australian? That doesn’t make any sense.”

(At this point, the other person’s mind usually implodes a little.)

A Life-Guarded Sense Of Self

, , , , | Working | February 12, 2018

(I am a seasonal surf lifesaver at a beach popular with tourists. I have just pulled a child, who was screaming and flailing about, out of deep water, and brought him on to the sand.)

Mother: “Oh, my goodness! How did that happen?”

Me: “You okay, buddy?”

Kid: “Yeah.”

Me: “What were you doing out that far?”

Kid: “I kind of just doggy paddled, then when I put my feet down there was no, like, bottom.”

Me: “Ah. Did you swallow any water?”

Kid: “Nah.”

Mother: “How did this happen?”

Me: “Maybe when he’s ready to go back in, it would be best to have an adult in with him.”

Mother: “You saying this is my fault?”

Me: “No, I’m saying that he may not be a strong enough swimmer to be swimming alone in the ocean just yet.”

Mother: “He swims in the lake at home all the time!”

Me: “A lake and an ocean are very different.”

Mother: “All I’m saying is, this wouldn’t happen back home. Kids just don’t drown in America.”

Me: “Just make sure someone is with him if he goes back in the water, okay?”

Mother: “Oh, so, you’re the beach police, now?”

Me: “Yeah, actually, I am.”

Mother: “Smarta**.”

Silent Running

, , , , | Working | February 10, 2018

(I am a keyholder for the store where I work. I am also on the list of people that the monitoring company calls if the alarm system activates, but I am a few people down on the list. I’ve already gone to sleep, and at about 4:00 am, my mobile phone starts ringing. It’s the monitoring company calling. I give them my name and voice code.)

Caller: “Hello, my name is [Caller], and I’m calling from [Security Company] monitoring centre.”

Me: “How can I help?”

Caller: “Just calling about an activated duress alarm on your premises, and wondering whether you would like us to send the police and patrol out, as we have not been able to reach the store, or the store mobile.”

Me: “Oh, s***! What keypad was the duress entered into, and who set it off?”

Caller: “It appears to be keypad two. We can’t see who entered it, just where it was entered into. There has also been no door activity there, either.”

(This begins to sound like a false alarm to me. I ask about the arming status of a couple other areas to try and paint a picture of what is happening. I decide to call the store.)

Me: “Hold on. I’ll try to call the store and see if I can find out what is happening.”

(Using another phone, I call the store twice. No answer. I try the third time, and get through.)

Coworker: “[Supermarket], [Town]. [Coworker] speaking.”

Me: “[Coworker]! It’s [My Name]! Is everything all right there? Someone’s activated the silent alarm.”

Coworker: “Really? I can’t hear it going off… but nothing’s wrong here.”

Me: *internally face-palming* “Is there a manager there?”

Coworker: “Umm… Yeah. Hold on.”

(I get placed on hold for a minute and a manager comes on.)

Manager: “Hey, what’s going on?”

Me: “Silent alarm is going off. Everything okay there?”

Manager: “Yeah. What alarm are you talking about? There’s no alarms going off on the keypad.”

Me: *groan* “Go to the loading dock and do what I tell you. It’ll reset the alarm and then I can go back to sleep.”

(I give the manager instructions, and then verify with the security company that the duress has been reset.)

Caller: “A closing signal was just received on our end. Thanks for your cooperation!”

Me: *to employee* “Good night.” *to manager* “I’ll deal with the report for the duress and talk to [Store Manager] about the alarm later. Good night.”

(Eight hours later, I received a call from the store manager and explained everything that happened that night. Reviewing the alarm printouts, it turns out that the manager that I spoke to that night was the one who tripped off the silent alarm, by keying in the code for the door wrong and activating the duress instead of just disarming the area needed. I’m still baffled that someone actually said to me, “I can’t hear the silent alarm going off.”)

Might Not Run The Store, But They’re Running With It

, , , , , , , , , | Working | February 9, 2018

(Another staff member and I unofficially run our department because the manager who is supposed to run it only ever works at the registers and usually has no interest in anything else. But there is also another staff member who thinks he runs the store. He’s made some of our staff put stock out in a particular way, and had it wrongly priced. I am about to put it right when the store manager comes along.)

Store Manager: “Who did this?”

Me: “[Coworker #1] and [Coworker #2] put it out this way; I’m just about to redo it.”

Store Manager: “Why did you let them do this? You are supposed to be supervising them.”

Me: “I didn’t. I was at lunch. [Coworker #3] told them to do it this way.”

Store Manager: “[Coworker #3]? When will people ever learn he doesn’t run this store?”

(A few days later, the store manager is away, and for the first time, the woman who is supposed to run our section decides she will take an active role in our section — for about five minutes. She has the brought [Coworker #3] with her.)

Department Manager: *looking at stock she has no idea about* “Where is this going?”

Me: “It’s going in the floor stack right here. I have to condense this stock to fit it.” *pointing to other stock* “I’m about to start on it right now.” *I describe how I’ll set it up*

Department Manager: *turns to the other coworker* “Is that okay with you if [My Name] does it that way?”

(Maybe the store manager should have told his second in command that [Coworker #3] doesn’t run the store.)

Page 88/151First...8687888990...Last