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She So Didn’t Ace This One

, , , , , , | Romantic | August 6, 2021

I’m a cis female. I go with some friends of mine to an LGBT bar to celebrate my friend’s birthday, and we’re all dressed up for it. The bar is also a popular place for LGBT people to hook up. I’m at the bar to order a drink when another woman approaches me.

Woman: “Hey, listen, you’re really cute. I know you’re here with a group of people, but do you want to hang out with me, instead? See where the night goes?”

Me: “Thanks, but I’m not interested.”

The woman very quickly gets put out.

Woman: “Wait, are you straight?! Because these bars are supposed to be a safe place for gay people.”

Me: “One, I’m not making it any less safe. Two, I’m not straight.”

Woman: “You’re not straight?”

Me: “No.”

Woman: “But you’re not a lesbian?”

Me: “Bit of a jump from ‘not interested’ to ‘not a lesbian,’ but no. And I’m not bi, either, before you guess.”

The woman is looking very confused by this point, but the bartender who is returning with my drink nods to my wallet: a flag made of black, grey, white, and purple stripes.

Bartender: “She’s ace, love.”

Me: “Aromantic, as well. Shoot for the moon if you want, honey, but you’re going to be lucky if you make it to Wollongong.”

But seriously, who sees that someone who is clearly there with a group of friends and celebrating, and decides, “Surely this individual will want to hook up!”?

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When The Consequences To Their Behavior Become Real

, , | Right | August 5, 2021

We have an arrogant regular customer who has just crossed the line and become abusive.

Me: “You need to leave now, and not come back.”

A few weeks later, he walks back into the shop as if he owns it.

Me: “Uh… you’re banned!”

Customer: “I’m sorry if you were offended, but I’m still willing to do business with you!”

Me: “But we’re not willing to do business with you!”

The arrogance!

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A Ham-Fisted Attempt To Poison Themselves

, , , , | Right | August 4, 2021

I work in supermarket deli and I get a customer who asks me if she can taste test the sliced ham. She is standing in front of the short-cut bacon section that has giant special tickets up surrounding it.

Me: “Sure, our ham is just down this way, which one would you like to taste-test?”

Customer: “That one!” *Pointing at the bacon*

Me: “Ma’am, that’s our bacon.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t. I want to try it.”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t give you raw bacon, ma’am.”

Customer: *Still pointing at the bacon* “I don’t want the bacon. I want that ham!”

Me: *Pointing at the other end of the case* “That is bacon; our ham is kept down there.”

Customer: “You just don’t want to give away free food!”

She stormed off. No helping some people.

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The Price Of Assuming

, , , | Right | August 3, 2021

I work at a craft store. One day, I overhear a customer complaining to her friend that she prefers to buy online because it’s cheaper. Her friend says that she prefers to shop.

Customer #1: *Smugly* “I’ll prove it to you; I got this on eBay the other day.” *Leans down to choose a product* “Oh, s***!”

Customer #2: “What’s wrong?”

Customer #1: “It’s only [Price]. I paid double that and extra for delivery.”

I had to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing.

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Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 16

, , , , | Right | August 2, 2021

I’m the manager of an independent supermarket in outback Australia. We are the only proper supermarket within 100 kms. The original owner has passed away and his family has sold the supermarket. It has not been made known publicly who the new owners are.

The day the new owners take over, a woman whose family owns a large cattle station comes in. She is known to be extremely rude and has made many workers cry and more than one quit. The original owner refused to ban her as she would spend several thousand dollars once or twice a month. She often comes in and demands that we do her shopping for her, which is a service we do not offer. The problem is that the list she leaves will have things like “bread” written. Not what type, just “bread.” No matter if the same one is given as the previous time, it is always wrong and she causes a huge scene.

I’m serving a customer at the service desk and cigarette counter when she interrupts.

Rude Customer: “You!” *Snaps her fingers in my face* “This needs to be done. I’ll be back in an hour and it had better be right this time.”

Me: *To the original customer* “Please excuse me for a minute.” *To the rude customer* “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but personal shopping is not a service we offer.”

Rude Customer: “I don’t care. You need to do what I say. Now get to it. I don’t have time to deal with idiots like you.”

Me: “Ma’am, I am not your slave. You have interrupted the customer I am serving, and quite frankly, I’m sick of the way you treat me and my staff. You need to apologize and learn some manners or find somewhere else to do your shopping.”

Rude Customer: “Listen here, you little s***. You do as I say, or I’ll have your job!”

Me: “Ma’am, you need to leave. You can come back when you’ve learnt some manners and are ready to apologize or you can shop elsewhere.”

Rude Customer: *Yelling* “I’ll have your job for this, you stupid piece of s***! I’m very good friends with the new owners and I’ll make sure you’re fired. I’ll make sure my groceries come out of your pay! You’ll regret ever crossing me, you stupid slut!”

One of the new owners who has heard everything comes out from the back.

New Owner: “Is there a problem here?”

Me: “This woman has caused many problems in the past and is now causing a scene. I’m banning her.”

Rude Customer: “Who the f*** are you? I’ll have everyone in this s***hole fired!”

New Owner: “Ma’am, you need to leave before I call the police and have you trespassed. You are no longer welcome here.”

Rude Customer: “F*** you! You have no idea who I am! I’m calling the owners and having you both fired!”

Me: “No need to call them; you’re already talking to them. You have been asked by both owners to leave. Now, I suggest you do and stop making a bigger idiot of yourself than you already are.”

She stands there for a minute turning several interesting shades of red before storming out.

New Owner: “Is that the woman you told me about?”

Me: *Slowly calming down* “Yes, and man, that felt good.” *To the original customer* “Sir, I am so sorry for that.”

Customer: “Heck, you have nothing to apologize for. What a b****. That was the best thing I’ve seen in years. I feel like I should be paying for the show! Thank God you guys won’t put up with the crap some people around here try to pull.”

A few days later, the rude woman’s husband came in and apologized for her behaviour. We agreed to allow anyone from their station but her to shop with us, but if she sets foot back in our store, the police will be called. I love being my own boss!

Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 15
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 14
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 13
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 12
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 11

This story is part of our Best Of August 2021 roundup!

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