Warning: Human Interaction Imminent

, , , , , , , | Working | February 12, 2021

My Internet service provider’s tech support line intersperses awful hold music with tips and comments, which it regularly interrupts mid-stream to update you with your place in the queue. One such tip, about increased call waiting times due to the health crisis, starts with “Unfortunately…”

Timing is everything. I just got told, “Unfortunately— You are next in the queue.”

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Sometimes That’s All It Takes

, , , , | Romantic | February 12, 2021

My wife and I text while she is at work. I receive this message.

Wife: “Today hasn’t been a good day. :(”

A few minutes later: 

Wife: “Oh, it got a bit better. There is cake!”

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This Concept Should Not Be This Difficult

, , , , , | Right | February 12, 2021

We work in a donut kiosk at a service centre. Due to a blackout, none of the fast food shops can cook or sell food. We can, but we can’t open our till or use the register, so we’re using a small box with some change. People are grumpy when they find out they can’t get their choice of food, and that the only food option is us.

Customer #1: “I’ll have [two flavours].”

Me: “Due to the blackout, we can only accept cash. Is that okay?”

Customer #1: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, your total is [total].”

They hand over their card.

Me: “I’m sorry, we can’t use the register due to the blackout.”

Customer #1: “They just told me the same thing over there! Why can’t I use my card anywhere here?”

Me: “There’s a blackout. No one has electricity. We can only accept cash.”

Customer #1: “I don’t have cash.”

Me: “Well, then, you can’t buy doughnuts. Have a good day.”

Another customer makes an order and pays me in cash, which I put in the cash box. A while later, she comes back.

Customer #2: “Um, I know you are only taking cash right now, but I saw that girl—” *points to coworker* “—put the coins under the counter.”

Me: “We’re keeping our cash box out of reach of customers, ma’am.”

Customer #2: “Hmm…”

She wandered away from the counter but took photos of us “hiding” the money. We got a call from our boss the next day after a complaint was made to head office.

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We’re Curious: Has This Ever Worked?

, , , | Right | February 11, 2021

I work in a club in a small town where everyone knows everyone. We have closed and are trying to kick out the last few remaining customers who are refusing to leave.

Me: “Sorry, guys, you need to leave now. The club is closed.”

Customer #1: “Don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Customer #1: “I’m [CEO Of Club Company]’s son!”

Customer #2: “Yeah, and I’m his older brother.”

Two of the CEO’s sons work for the company, one is still in high school, and one I used to go to high school with. They’re in all the time so we all know them.

Me: “Oh, wow, which ones are you two again? Sorry, I always get your names wrong!”

Customer #1: “Ummm… I’m [CEO’s Oldest Son who works for us and is currently on shift].”

Customer #2: “And I’m [CEO’s Second Oldest Son that I went to school with].”

Me: “[CEO’s Oldest Son], what are you doing out here? I thought you were supposed to be packing down the bar? Have you been drinking on shift? I’ll be telling your father about this! And [CEO’s Second Oldest Son], I thought you were still in Melbourne with your mom! [CEO’s Third Son who works with us and who is also on shift] will be so excited to see you! I’ll go grab him for you!”

I went and grabbed the CEO’s actual sons who laughed at the boys for pretending to be them. The boys left quickly.

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Now We Know Why He Needs Heart Medication

, , , , | Right | February 11, 2021

A man comes in and loudly says:

Customer: “Excuse me. I am very busy and important and I need just two of my heart medication and two of my diabetes ones!” 

Me: “Do you have a prescription?”

Customer: “I don’t. I’m just in town for the day on very important business and I forgot to bring my meds.”

Me: “We won’t be able to hand over meds without a script, but we can possibly help you with getting a faxed or emailed script from your general doctor or your regular pharmacy. Do you have their number?”

He lost his mind about how we were refusing to help even though he was “busy and important” and “he only needed four tablets.”

I pointed out that we weren’t going to do anything illegal but we could help him if he would just wait for ten minutes while we sorted it.

He stormed out, complaining about the service.

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