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Knowing No Peace With Her For A Niece

, , , , , | Related | April 22, 2022

Because of the large age difference between me and my brother, my niece is significantly older than my own son. While normally having a default babysitter is a blessing, it would be better if she didn’t remember my own behaviour as a young twenty-something and wasn’t egged on by her dad seeking revenge for when I was her babysitter.

When my son was a toddler, he had an intolerance for dairy, and therefore wasn’t allowed ice cream. She got him sherbet.

When my son was struggling with his reading, I said he wasn’t allowed to watch Pokémon until he read at least two books on weekends. She got him the Pokémon novel set.

When there was a heatwave, I said my son wasn’t allowed to play outside because he’d already gotten heatstroke twice. She took him to the ice skate rink.

When I had to take back my promise to take them both to the movies because I was stuck working multiple shifts in a row, she took him to watch the latest Marvel movie without me. (And then they both spoiled the whole thing for me.)

When I tried to block naughty websites, my son worked out how to bypass my nanny filter. She blocked the sites for both of us.

I grounded my son because he wasn’t participating in English class. She showed him how to find the “inappropriate” jokes in Shakespeare’s plays. Now he participates too much.

My son is now nearly an adult. He is considering becoming a lawyer. It’s her fault, I’m sure.

Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 5

, , , , , | Right | April 22, 2022

I am a donut maker, bread slicer, and shelf stacker at a bakery in a supermarket. We have two bakers and on this particular day, our baker works solo. I am putting freshly cut bread on the shelf.

The baker is five-ish meters behind me pulling freshly baked bread out of the oven, banging the bread molds on the table to liberate the bread from its metal captor. A customer walks up to me:

Customer: “Hey mate, where can I find the fresh bread?”

I look at the baker banging bread on the table, look at fresh cut bread in my rack and hands, and then look at the customer.

Me: “Right here, mate.”

The customer looks at the bread, then at the baker pulling bread out of the oven, then back to the bread.

Customer: “Nah, this is yesterday’s bread. I want today’s fresh bread.”

I threw away yesterday’s bread as it’s a rule. I also waited for the hot bread in front of me to cool down to slice.

Me: “The fresh bread is right here. This is the bread the baker took out of the oven an hour ago.”

I point to the baker putting more bread into the oven. The customer just looks at the name-brand bread that is at least a day or two old but can sit on the shelf for a week.

Customer: “Ah, here’s the fresh bread! Thanks for helping, ya lazy prick.”

Related:
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 4
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 3
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here, Part 2
Thermodynamics, You Take It From Here

Just Don’t Get A Chip On Your Shoulder About It

, , , , , , , , | Working | April 21, 2022

My work leases a laptop, monitor, and accessories for each employee through a third party. Employees submit a ticket for new equipment when the lease expires. When my current laptop is up for replacement, I don’t bother to submit a ticket for a new one. Unlike my previous laptop, this one is still working perfectly well and it seems like a waste to order a new one, especially in the middle of the global chip shortage.

About six months later, I receive an email advising me that the lease has expired, the laptop is out of warranty, and I must order a new one. No problem. I fill out the ticket and hit submit. A few weeks later, I receive an email with an update on my new laptop. Due to supply issues, any available stock is being used to fulfil orders for new staff and lost, stolen, or damaged equipment.

After not ordering a new laptop because of the global chip shortage and then being told I had to order a new one, my order was cancelled due to the global chip shortage.

In Danger Of Being “Left” Behind

, , , , , , | Learning | April 19, 2022

Back in 2002, I was in Sydney training a group of people on how to use our software. The training took five days and involved the use of Windows XP, keyboards, and mice. It was expected that the trainees would be familiar with the use of Windows, etc.

After the first two days, one gentleman was having huge difficulties with making his mouse work correctly. After checking the mouse wheel — not optical in those days — and the surface he was using and using it myself, I could find no real problem.

Then, he asked:

Trainee: “Am I allowed to use my left hand on the mouse?”

He was profoundly left-handed and had spent two days using the mouse with his right hand as that was how it was set up on day one.

Once he changed, he was fine.

It’s A Good Friday Somewhere, But Not Here

, , , , , | Right | April 17, 2022

I work in customer service for a bus company. We have different service schedules/timetables for weekdays, school holiday weekdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Public holidays operate on the Sunday timetable.

Me: “[Operator], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller #1: “Yes, I wanted to know, is tomorrow a normal timetable?”

Me: “No, as tomorrow is Good Friday, it will operate on a Sunday timetable.”

Caller #1: “Oh, so is Saturday a Sunday timetable, as well, then?”

Me: “No, ma’am, Saturday is a normal Saturday timetable, and Friday, Sunday, and Monday are all on the Sunday timetable.”

Caller #1: “Oh, so is today a Sunday timetable?”

Me: “No, ma’am, as today is Thursday, it is a normal weekday timetable.”

Caller #1: “Is today Thursday?”

Me: *Banging my head on the desk* “Yes, ma’am, today is Thursday and therefore a normal weekday timetable.”

Caller #1: “Oh, thank you.”

A bit later:

Me: “[Operator], this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller #2: “I’m looking up the timetables on your website and it says, ‘Bus operates public school days only.’ Does that mean that it operates today?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, as today is the last day of public school, that bus will operate today.”

Caller #2: “I’m just trying to understand, if it says, ‘Bus operates public school days only,’ does that mean that it operates on days when public school is on, or on the school holidays?”

Me: “That means that it operates on the days when the public schools are open, and as today is the last day of term one for public schools, then that bus operates today.”

Caller #2: “I’m just confused. Does it mean it operates on public school days or public school holidays?”

Me: “Ma’am, as it states, ‘operates public school days only,’ that means it operates on public school days only.”

I’m not sure how else to spell this out.

Caller #2: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Absolutely, ma’am.”

Caller #2: “O-okay, then.” *Hangs up*

Cue more head-desking.