Seriously Bad Hair Day

, , , , | Right | March 11, 2010

(It’s 10 pm. We are in the final motions of locking up: registers closed and lights off. I’m just locking the door.)

Customer: *runs up in a panic* “Oh, no! You are closed? It’s an emergency! I really need to buy one thing!”

Me: “Sorry, we’re closed. Maybe you could come back in the morning.”

Customer: “No! I can’t wait that long-this is an emergency! Please help me!”

Me: “Okay, I suppose I can help you quickly for an emergency. Do you need antibiotics or paracetamol or something?”

Customer: “I need a packet of hair pins!”

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Scratching Is Believing

, , , , , | Right | March 11, 2010

(A customer appears at my elbow and grabs my arm.)

Customer: “You’re wearing too much make-up!”

Me: “I’m not wearing any makeup. I just have chapstick on my lips.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you!”

(Suddenly, the customer scratches her nail down my cheek and checks under it for make-up.)

Customer: “Oh, I guess you’re not. You have lovely skin.” *walks away*

(Her scratch left a huge red mark on my lovely skin that was still clearly visible three days later.)

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That Would Be A Mis-Steak

, , , , | Right | March 6, 2010

Customer: “Does this honey-baked ham contain real honey?”

Me: “Yes, it’s a honey glaze.”

Customer: “Oh, I won’t get it, then. It was for my daughter; she’s vegan. She can’t have honey, as she doesn’t believe in eating any animal products.”

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Tricky Customers Are Just Killer, Part 2

, , , , | Right | February 26, 2010

(I am sitting on a well-known whale-watching beach gathering data on migration numbers. I have a pair of binoculars.)

Tourist: “When are you going to put up the flags?”

Me: “Oh, no, I am not a lifesaver.”

Tourist: “Of course you are. Who else sits on a beach with binoculars?”

Me: “Actually, I am recording how many whales go by.”

Tourist: “Whales? There are no whales here. This is a swimming beach.”

(I gesture to a pod of six whales passing around 50 meters away.)

Tourist: “Oh, my goodness, killer whales! My children are on the beach! They could come right out of the water and steal my children!”

Me: “Um, no, they’re humpbacks. They eat tiny little fish and plankton. They can’t come up on the beach, so your children are safe.”

Tourist: “Don’t you know about Moby Dick? He eats people alive. It’s true! It’s in the Bible!” *takes his children and leaves*


This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

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Want to read the roundup? Click here!

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Playing The Blame (Video) Game

, , , , , , | Right | February 19, 2010

Customer: *walks up with an Xbox game* “Hi, I’d like to purchase this.”

(Later in the afternoon, the same customer from that morning comes in.)

Customer: “You! You sold me a bad game! You’ve ruined my son’s birthday!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “My son asked for this game for his birthday! The machine said he can’t play it! What kind of cruel business do you run? Teasing small children!”

(I look at the disc and it’s in brand new condition.)

Me: “That’s odd, ma’am. I’ll just test it on our machine quickly.”

(I go over to our display case wear our consoles are set up. I start to put the disc in the Xbox.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re putting it in the wrong machine! It’s no wonder you sold me a faulty disc!”

Me: “What does his machine look like?”

Customer: “That one there!” *points at Playstation* “Don’t you dare tell me it’s a faulty machine. It plays the other discs fine!”

Me: “I’ll bet it does, ma’am, because those are Playstation games. And this is an Xbox game.”

Customer: “We’ll, why didn’t you tell me that when I purchased it?”

Me: “I didn’t know your son owned a Playstation.”

Customer: “Well, whose fault is that?!”


This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.

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