No Faith In Science

, , , , , , , | Right | January 3, 2011

Child: “What’s the Cretaceous period?”

Mother: “Something scientists made up.”

Me: *chiming in* “It’s the third period that the dinosaurs lived in. It was from about 140-65 million years ago.”

Child: “Really?”

Mother: “The Cretaceous period is just something that scientists made up to dispute Christ.” *turns to face me* “But we won’t get into that.”

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Best Try The Duet Yourself Checkout

, , , , , , | Right | December 23, 2010

(An elderly gentleman selects a paintbrush and takes it to the counter.)

Customer: “Now, I don’t pay for items. I sing and dance on the tabletops instead.”

Me: *I laugh, thinking he’s joking* “That’s $1.19 please.”

Customer: “Well, I reckon that’d be about a minute’s worth of singing.”

Me: *still thinking he’s joking* “Actually, it’s $1.19, so it’s probably more like a minute and twenty seconds.”

(The customer then starts singing a monotone song — something about a cat. He is hobbling from side to side. I can’t help it; I just laugh until tears are running down my face.)

Customer: “That was verse one! There are 93 more!”

Me: “In that case, I’ll just take the cash.”


This story is part of our Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

Read the next Musically Ignorant Customers roundup story!

Read the Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

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This Is A Bad Sign

, , , | Right | December 12, 2010

(A customer is making a purchase on credit card.)

Me: “All right, could I just check the signature on your card?”

Customer: “I didn’t sign it.”

Me: “I’ll need to see some ID then, please. And I would recommend signing it as soon as possible so that if you lose it, no one else will be able to use it.”

Customer: “Oh, but that’s what I did last time. Someone just copied my signature.”

Me: “Sorry to hear that. Still, I would sign it or write “Photo ID only” on it or something, or if you lose it someone will just put their own signature on the back.”

Customer: “No… If there’s nothing there, there’s nothing for them to copy!”

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Taxing Faxing, Part 7

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2010

Me: “Hi, [Cake Shop]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, do you have cake boxes?”

Me: “Like the ones we put the sold cakes into?”

Caller: “Yeah, but do you have just plain coloured ones?”

Me: “No, sorry. We only have ones with the company’s logo on it.”

Caller: “Well, can you order one? I told my friend that I got a special cake shop to make the cake, but I made it, and all I need is a plain box.”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t do that.”

Caller: “Okay, then, I’ll just get the one with a logo. Can you mail it?”

Me: “No, that’s not store policy. Customers have to collect it themselves.”

Caller: “Well, then just fax it to me.” *tells me his number – and before I can respond* “Thank you!” *hangs up*

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Some Recipes Contain No Margarine For Error

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2010

Customer: “Hi, could you point me in the direction of the butter?”

Me: “Of course, it’s just over here.”

Customer: “Do you have these in liquid form? Like watery?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean.. Did you want cream?”

Customer: “No, no, like liquid butter?”

(At this point I look at the customers shopping list: it’s a recipe list for pancakes and it clearly says ‘melted butter.’)

Me: “You want to buy melted butter? You know you can just make that, right?”

Customer: “Oh, really? You actually make it yourself? How do you do that?”

Me: “You just put regular butter in a hot pan and it melts.”

Customer: “Wow! That’s fantastic! Thank you so much!”

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