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Telling Porkies

, , | Right | July 21, 2010

(A family sits at a table in our restaurant, which specializes in steak dishes.)

Me: “Hi, guys, welcome to [Restaurant]. Let me just tell you about today’s special, the prime rib with–”

Customer: “We don’t need to hear this. Just stop.”

Me: “So, you already know about the special? Great! Would you like to start with any–”

Customer: “No! We’re vegetarians!”

Me: “Oh, all right, well, we have a few vegetarian dishes on this–”

Customer: “No! Listen, we know what we want already.”

Me: “Okay, great. Go ahead.”

Customer: “Finally! The kids will have the chicken nuggets, my husband will have the chicken burger, and I’ll have the chicken strip salad.”

Me: “Sure. Anything else?”

Husband: “I’ll have extra bacon on the burger.”


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Exchanges At This Rate Will Get You Nowhere

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2010

Customer: “I need to pay this bill and the bank said I had to come to the post office.”

Me: “Okay, that will be $625.80.”

Customer: “No, it’s $500.”

Me: “No, it’s $500 US. In Australian dollars, that’s $625.80.”

Customer: “No, it says right there it’s $500. You are just discriminating against my daughter!”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “How else can you justify a $125 fee?”

Me: “Our fee is $8; the Australian dollar is only around .8 of the American dollar.”

Customer: “So what you are saying is, I would be better off paying a thousand dollars?”

(This continues for some minutes until an old lady in line behind the customer speaks up.)

Old Lady: “I’m going to have to go to another post office. This will never get resolved. This woman is just too stupid to live!”


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Curiosity Feeds The Cat

, , , | Right | June 23, 2010

Customer: “Can you help me, please?”

Me: “Yes, of course. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Well, I want to buy some food for my cat, but mine doesn’t look like the one on the packet. Can I still feed it to him?”

Me: “Yes, sir, of course.”

Customer: “Wow, really? Thanks!”


This story is part of our Stupid Pet Owners roundup!

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A Fowl Plot

, , , , , , | Right | June 16, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, these ‘Wicked Wings’ you gave me are hot and spicy.”

Me: “Yes, I know.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t eat anything that is spicy because of my health. You should have told me they were spicy.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I assumed you’d known because that’s the only thing you ordered. I’ll give you a refund.”

Customer: “No, that’s not good enough. You should have told me that they are spicy; it’s your responsibility.”

Me: “I apologize.”

Customer: “I thought it was made from the evil chickens or something.”


This story is part of the Spicy roundup!

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Not Getting The Picture

, , , , | Right | June 14, 2010

(I work in the IT department, on part of the university’s website.)

Customer: “Can you help me? I tried to print out this webpage, and none of the images showed up!”

Me: “Sounds like it might be a problem with your printer.”

Customer: “Is it because the images are stuck inside the Internet and the printer can’t get them out?”


This story is part of the Technologically-Challenged roundup!

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