That Would Be A Mis-Steak

, , , , | Right | March 6, 2010

Customer: “Does this honey-baked ham contain real honey?”

Me: “Yes, it’s a honey glaze.”

Customer: “Oh, I won’t get it, then. It was for my daughter; she’s vegan. She can’t have honey, as she doesn’t believe in eating any animal products.”

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Tricky Customers Are Just Killer, Part 2

, , , , | Right | February 26, 2010

(I am sitting on a well-known whale-watching beach gathering data on migration numbers. I have a pair of binoculars.)

Tourist: “When are you going to put up the flags?”

Me: “Oh, no, I am not a lifesaver.”

Tourist: “Of course you are. Who else sits on a beach with binoculars?”

Me: “Actually, I am recording how many whales go by.”

Tourist: “Whales? There are no whales here. This is a swimming beach.”

(I gesture to a pod of six whales passing around 50 meters away.)

Tourist: “Oh, my goodness, killer whales! My children are on the beach! They could come right out of the water and steal my children!”

Me: “Um, no, they’re humpbacks. They eat tiny little fish and plankton. They can’t come up on the beach, so your children are safe.”

Tourist: “Don’t you know about Moby Dick? He eats people alive. It’s true! It’s in the Bible!” *takes his children and leaves*


This story is part of our Clueless Tourists roundup!

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Playing The Blame (Video) Game

, , , , , , | Right | February 19, 2010

Customer: *walks up with an Xbox game* “Hi, I’d like to purchase this.”

(Later in the afternoon, the same customer from that morning comes in.)

Customer: “You! You sold me a bad game! You’ve ruined my son’s birthday!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What’s the problem?”

Customer: “My son asked for this game for his birthday! The machine said he can’t play it! What kind of cruel business do you run? Teasing small children!”

(I look at the disc and it’s in brand new condition.)

Me: “That’s odd, ma’am. I’ll just test it on our machine quickly.”

(I go over to our display case wear our consoles are set up. I start to put the disc in the Xbox.)

Customer: “I’m sorry, do you have any idea what you’re doing?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re putting it in the wrong machine! It’s no wonder you sold me a faulty disc!”

Me: “What does his machine look like?”

Customer: “That one there!” *points at Playstation* “Don’t you dare tell me it’s a faulty machine. It plays the other discs fine!”

Me: “I’ll bet it does, ma’am, because those are Playstation games. And this is an Xbox game.”

Customer: “We’ll, why didn’t you tell me that when I purchased it?”

Me: “I didn’t know your son owned a Playstation.”

Customer: “Well, whose fault is that?!”


This story is included in our Videogame Store roundup.

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Passing It Forward

, , , , | Right | February 17, 2010

Me: “How are you today, sir?”

Customer #1: “Ahhhhh… well, I’m pretty good now!”

Me: “Now?”

Customer #1: “I’ve just had a horrible stomach ache all day, but I just farted and I feel much better!”

Me: “That’s… nice…”

(The relieved customer leaves, but another customer approaches. They’re unaware of the previous conversation.)

Customer #2: “Can you smell something? Do you think it’s the meat? Does it smell off to you?”

Me: “No, miss. I don’t think it’s the meat.”


This story is part of our customers give TMI roundup!

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Caught Calling The Kettle Black

, , , | Right | February 16, 2010

(“Where The Wild Things Are” has just been released at the cinema. When movies come out, the book usually skyrockets in popularity.)

Me: “Good morning, how can I help you today?”

Patron: “Hi, I was wondering if you have a copy of Where The Wild Things Are?”

Me: “I’m sure we do, but I have to warn you that since it has just come out at the movies, there will probably be a waiting list.”

(I look up the book, and sure enough, there are 12 reservations)

Me: “I’m sorry, there are currently 12 reservations in place. I can put you down for a reservation but you probably won’t get it for another 4-6 months.”

Patron: “What? That’s ridiculous! It’s such an old book. Why are people suddenly interested?”

Me: “Well, when a movie is made out of a book, people are suddenly interested in reading the book.”

Patron: “That’s stupid. I don’t see why they should want to read it just because the movie has come out.”

Me: “Why did you want to read it?”

Patron: “Because the movie has just come out!”


This story is part of our Ironic Customer roundup!

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