Playing Phone Gag

, , , | Right | January 15, 2018

(A customer has put her shopping basket on the conveyor belt. I take it after scanning her groceries through and notice a mobile at the bottom.)

Me: “Here, you’ve forgotten your phone.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks.” *nonchalantly sticks the phone inside her bra*

(I emptied a bottle of hand sanitiser after that.)

Bad Customers Are Always In Season

, , , | Right | January 14, 2018

(The most recent firmware update has been reported to wreck a lot of mobile phones by causing a lot of issues. My phone is one of these, and has become unusable. I ring up the phone company on my landline to see if there is anything they can offer me or recommend I do.)

Employee: “Oh, yes. I see. You are correct. The recent firmware update is causing a lot of issues with mobile phones. We can offer you a few options.”

Me: “That’s great! What can you offer me?”

(The employee goes through a few offers, and since I am near the end of my plan, they waive the fee for me to get a new plan and phone. I am one of the lucky ones who is able to get this, as many people who had this issue either just started a new 24-month plan or were in the middle of their plan and couldn’t get much waived.)

Employee: “Okay, can I get a few more details from you before I do this for you?”

Me: “Sure!”

(While she is gathering some details from me, I hear her sniffing.)

Me: *knowing the season* “Hayfever playing up?”

Employee: “No. I’ve been dealing with issues like this all day. You’re the first person not to yell at me or yell abuse at me.”

Me: “Aww. Why would I yell at you? It’s not your fault. Those people who yelled at you are total jerks.”

(I felt sorry for this lady and gave her the best feedback I could give somebody, and I kept reminding her that no matter what people say to her, no issue they are having is her fault. Lady, if you’re reading this, I hope your day got better!)

No Longer Free To Complain

, , , , , | Working | January 14, 2018

(I’ve pulled into a fast food drive-thru to buy a drink after a long day at work. There are only two cars ahead of me, but the way this restaurant is set up, the drive-thru is at the back of the restaurant along with the waiting car spots while the doors are around the front. The staff never park cars because they have to walk all the way around the restaurant to bring out the orders. They are also notoriously slow in putting orders together, so it’s about five minutes before the first car gets their order, and over five minutes more before the next car gets theirs. I usually don’t complain, but I’m already frustrated as yet again their shake machine has broken down, so I have to get a soda instead. By the time I get to the window I am ready to ask for a manager. The server has my drink in hand.)

Server: *before I can say anything* “You don’t need to pay.”

Me: “What?”

Server: “You don’t need to pay; it’s free.”

(There was no way I could complain after that.)

No Smooth Ways To Get Out Of The Exam

, , , , , , , | Learning | January 12, 2018

(I work in a local school, not as a teacher, but my position means I’m regularly helping out students in classes across multiple subjects and grade levels. I am a man. This happens one day in a grade-nine math class.)

Me: *walking past [Female Student #1], noticing she is falling a bit behind the average question students are up to* “[Female Student #1], do you know what to do?”

Female Student #1: “What? Oh, yeah, sure. Um, sir, can I ask you something?”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Female Student #1: *pushing one of her legs out from under her desk into the walk-space* “Feel my leg.”

Me: *absolutely taken aback* ” Um… No. Why?”

Female Student #1: *actually sounding a little annoyed* “Sir, just touch it. It’s smooth.”

Me: “I’m not going to do that. How about we get back to doing question—”

(Interrupting:)

Female Student #1: “Touch my leg!”

(At this point the students classmate chimes in.)

Female Student #2: “Just feel her leg, sir. I did; it’s really smooth.”

(This has officially reached “too weird” levels.)

Me: “I believe you.”

(I just walk away to another table of students. To my amazement, I hear [Female Student #1] talking to the class teacher.)

Female Student #1: “…and is refusing to touch it. Come on, miss! You do it!”

Teacher: *giving me a “WTF is going on?” look* “Yes, it’s smooth, [Female Student #1]. Can you do your math now?”

Female Student #1: “Can you tell my Mr. [My Name] to do it, too?”

(At this point the teacher and I lost it in fits of laughter. The ridiculousness of the situation was just too much. After class we found out the student had had her legs waxed for the first time and wanted to show it off. We could not get her to understand why it was inappropriate for her to ask a grown man to feel how smooth her thighs were. Ah, the innocence of the young.)

Tidying And Counting And Tags, Oh My!

, , , , , , , | Working | January 10, 2018

(I am a supervisor at a store. Then I leave for a year, and when I return someone else has taken over as supervisor. I don’t care, because I never really wanted the position in the first place, but it seems the new supervisor thinks differently. She often gives me misinformation, getting me into trouble from the manager for not doing the work correctly. This time is no different. She is giving out the daily job list.)

Supervisor: “[My Name], [Manager] said that [Department] is due for a count, but it has to be 100% tidy first. Today, I want you to completely tidy the whole area; spend your whole shift doing it. Don’t worry about the counter; I’ll cover that. When you finish tidying, you can start the count, but don’t worry if it’s not done today. You can finish it when you are in tomorrow afternoon.”

(I start tidying and hear the bell ring down at the counter which means there is a customer waiting. I hear it ring again moments later, so I head down, thinking the supervisor may have gotten stuck with a customer elsewhere. There’s a line of customers waiting. I apologise for the wait and serve them before I hear the door to our office closing at the back of the store. The supervisor comes down to the counter, telling me she had gone to the office for a moment, and sends me back to the department. She tells me to call her if I get a line up again. It happens again, and I notice that the phone line to the office is engaged, which means I can’t call her anyway. She’s on the phone for 20 minutes while I serve customers; there’s no reason for such a long phone call. I do as much of the tidying as I can between serving customers before my shifts ends, as well as scanning to make new price tags for the stock. I am part way through putting them out when the supervisor tells me not to worry; I can put them out the next day. The next afternoon, I get in and immediately am set on by the manager.)

Manager: “[My Name], what the h*** did you do yesterday? That count was due yesterday afternoon. I’ve been working four hours on it this morning; you can take over and do the rest. I told [Supervisor] that you had to do the count yesterday and that you weren’t to serve until it was done. She’s told me that she kept finding you at the counter after she told you to only do the count. Your problem is that you won’t listen.”

Me: “But she told me to tidy the area, first.”

Manager: “I don’t want any excuses; she told me that you were told to tidy as you counted. Don’t argue with me, or I’ll write you up. I also noticed that there are a few price tags missing; you were supposed to make sure they were all there.”

Me: “I have them here, ready to go out.”

(I go and finish the count; it takes another couple of hours. I wonder how I was expected to both tidy and count in the four hour shift the day before, when it’s taken six hours to do the count in the perfectly tidy area. I have the next four days off on my roster, and when I get back the next week, the manager has a go at me again.)

Manager: “[My Name], I told you to make sure [Department] was completely priced. I went over there today and there’s no prices anywhere.”

Me: “Strange, I did them on Thursday last week.”

Manager: “Well, you are responsible for that area, and you need to check it every day.”

Me: “Even when I haven’t worked since Thursday?”

Manager: “What? Oh, just go and do it. Stop arguing.”

(I get into the area, and he’s right; there are no prices anywhere. I redo all of the tags, then start tidying the area, and I notice that some stock has been pulled forward and crooked on a shelf. I find a screwed-up pile of price tags hidden behind the stock.)

Me: “[Manager], I’ve finished putting those tags out, and this is for you.”

(I put the pile of tags on the desk.)

Manager: “What are they?”

Me: “By the look of it, they are all the missing price tags from [Department]. I found them stuffed behind [stock].”

(Unfortunately, I could not prove who had put them there, so the manager decided it had to be a customer.)

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