Laugh And The World Laughs With You

, , , , , | Legal | July 4, 2021

As the manager of a fast food place, I once explained very sweetly to a very irate customer what the holdup was with the supply of chicken.

Customer: “The supply of chicken isn’t the problem. This is a holdup!”

On realising what he was saying, the two servers and I fell about laughing. He threw his hands up in the air and promptly left in a huff, without taking our money or any chicken. 

I came across this crook a few years later when I was a correctional officer and he was in gaol (prison) for something else he’d done, and I asked him why he’d left so quickly.

Customer: “Because I didn’t want you to see me laughing.”

Other officers and crooks nearby wondered what we were both laughing about.

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A Classic Item In The Racism Catalogue

, , , , , | Right | July 1, 2021

I work in a fairly well-known bookstore chain in my country. I’m a fairly new hire, which means that I don’t have the authority to do some things, like ordering.

I’m standing behind the counter — not at the register because we only have one working and our manager is using it. A customer clears her throat loudly and I look up.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, but this register doesn’t work. If you wait for a second, my manager can help you with your purchases.”

The manager is of Indian descent and very dark-skinned.

Customer: *Smiles nastily* “Oh, I was hoping you could help me, if you know what I mean.”

Me: *Gritting my teeth* “I can help you find something, sure, but this register doesn’t work. I can’t ring you out.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay. I need to find something.”

Me: “Sure, what did you need?”

Customer: “Oh, I want to know about a book in your catalogue.”

Me: “Sure! My coworker can help you with that.”

My coworker is also Indian.

Customer: *Sighs and taps her foot* “Can’t you help me?” *Brandishes a catalogue* “I want to order this book.”

Me: *Internally laughing* “I’m so sorry, but I don’t have the authority to do that. Let me get you my manager.”

I motion as if I’m going to get my manager, literally two meters away, but before I can, the customer huffs and storms out of the shop.

Me: *Under my breath* “And stay out.”

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Bookstores Abhor A Vacuum

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2021

I work in a popular bookshop chain in my country. We do sell things like board games and stationery and gift-related things, but that’s it. It’s a bookstore.

I’m tidying the display in front of the counter when a man approaches me, looking confused. He’s holding a vacuum cleaner, which I assume he bought from the appliance shop next door.

Me: “Hi, sir, can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: *Holding out the vacuum cleaner* “Can I buy this?”

Me: *Thinking I’ve heard him wrong* “What?”

Customer: “Can I get this?”

Me: “Um… I’m fairly sure we don’t sell those here.”

Manager #1: “What do you need, sir?”

Customer: “I want to get this!”

Manager #1: “Uh… Okay. Come over here?”

The man follows him around to the other end of the counter. Then, as I’m watching in disbelief, he walks BEHIND the counter and puts his bag down. 

Customer: “So, how much for the wrapping paper?”

Manager #1: “Oh, you wanted this… wrapped?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Manager #1: “I don’t think we have enough wrapping paper here. Would you like to buy some?”

Customer: “Okay.”

[Manager #1] goes to get more wrapping paper. The man follows him, BEHIND THE COUNTER the entire way.

Manager #2: “Does he know he’s not supposed to be behind here?”

Me: “I… honestly don’t know.”

[Manager #1] comes back. The man acts as if he’s going to follow him behind the counter again.

Manager #2: “Sir, you can’t be behind the counter.”

Customer: “I’m just getting my stuff.”

Manager #2: “Then go around.”

The man huffs and goes around. By this point, I’m hiding behind a display so he can’t see me trying not to laugh. The man spots me.

Customer: “Don’t be scared.”

Me: “I’m not. It’s just the first time someone’s come into a bookshop and asked me if they can buy a vacuum cleaner, that’s all.”

I very quickly turned and walked away so he couldn’t see me cracking up again. I ended up laughing so hard I cried once I’d made it into the break room. I don’t know what happened next, but when I came out, he was gone.

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Right Next To “I Don’t Need To Give You My Email Address” Boulevard

, , , , , | Right | June 30, 2021

Me: “All right, ma’am, to reset your password, we’re going to need to go through your security questions.”

Client: “All right, go ahead.”

Me: “First question: what is the name of the street your first home was on?”

Client: “How dare you demand I have to answer security questions?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you, this is all standard pro— Oh.”

Client: “It’s the answer to the question.”

Me: “Yes.”

Client: “Yeah, your bank lets people create these questions when they’re still teenagers and I thought it was funny at the time. Sorry about that.”

Me: “That’s all right. Do you want to change any of these questions once we’re done?”

Client: “Honestly, I think that they’re more secure this way. I want to leave ’em.”

And although it triggers the PTSD of anyone in any call centre ever… fair enough.

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Whatever Your Expectations Are… Just Don’t

, , , , , , | Working | June 29, 2021

I’m not usually a complaining person, but when these two things happened on the same day, I must have had some time on my hands.

Thing #1: We ordered takeaway from [Restaurant]. At the bottom of our loaded fries, we found a large shard of broken glass. I called the restaurant immediately. The manager was apologetic but only just. Not a massive deal: I just wanted them to know so they could investigate and prevent further food endangering anyone. End result, we got sent a voucher for a free [signature entree dish that no one really likes] for our “next order”.

Thing #2: I had a special cleaning product in my cupboard and discovered that one of them had leached up out of the upright bottle and spilled all through the cupboard. As that was the second time that had happened with that brand of product, I emailed them to inform them and see if there had been a reported fault with the bottle. End result: I was sent a MASSIVE box of the company’s full range of cleaning products, skincare products, and cosmetics. 

Moral of the story: complain about a serious food safety issue, get a weird onion thing; complain about a minor packaging fault, get given a huge box of freebies.

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