Can We Quote You On That?

, , , , , | Working | April 23, 2021

I have to have the windscreen on my car replaced, so my husband takes it to a repairer to obtain a quote. They write the quote on one of their business cards and my husband comes home.

After we sort out our finances, my husband takes the car back to have the work completed. As our financial situation at the time is not great, we have enough money in our account on this day to cover the work as quoted and not a cent more. When my husband goes to pay, he doesn’t pay attention to the cost; he just hands over his card. It is declined. He then realises he has been charged more than what was quoted, so he queries it.

The employee who gave him the quote confirms that the lower price is correct, so my husband pays the lower price, gets his receipt, and leaves. When he gives me the paperwork, I notice that the invoice and receipt have different prices. My husband tells me what happened and we think that’s it.

But no. Today, my husband received a phone call from an admin person at the repairer.

Admin: “I am just going through our books and I notice that your invoice doesn’t match what you paid.”

Husband: “Yes, that’s because you tried to charge me the wrong amount at first. It was higher than the quoted price, so it was adjusted.”

Admin: “But we ran your card twice.”

Husband: “Yes. We didn’t have enough money in our account to cover the higher price, so when you went to charge me that, the card was declined.”

Admin: “Okay, but the receipt and invoice still don’t match.”

Husband: “Yes…”

Admin: “And we ran your card twice.”

My husband explains again why that happened.

Admin: “But the card went through okay the second time?”

Husband: *Getting annoyed* “Yes, because the second time, I was charged the quoted price, which was cheaper than the first price you tried to charge me. We only had enough money in the account to cover the lower price.”

Admin: “But how was I supposed to know that?”

Husband: “I don’t know.”

Admin: “Somebody should have told me or left a note!”

Husband: “Probably.”

Admin: “The invoices and receipts need to match!”

Husband: “Um, okay, well, if that’s all…”

Admin: “Okay, thank you. Goodbye.”

Husband: *To me* “I’m not sure what she expected me to do about it. I don’t work there. It’s not my job to make sure their invoices and receipts match or to leave notes for her!”

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I Once Knew A Woman Who…

, , , , , , , , | Right | April 22, 2021

As a healthcare worker and, you know, a relatively intelligent human being, I have done my absolute best to stick to the “rules” throughout the many lockdowns. I am shopping for some fruit and veg, and have thoroughly sanitised my hands and basket, donned gloves, and am keeping my 1.5m away from everyone.

At the checkout, I am just exchanging a couple of words with the cashier when a fly buzzes past my open mouth and I manage to inhale the thing. I instantly start involuntarily coughing and choking, and before I can drop my shopping and get my face into my elbow where it belongs, I let out two massive coughs all in the direction of the cashier.

Between coughing and trying to breathe, I attempt to talk.

Me: “Oh, my God, I am so sorry! I just inhaled a fly! I’m sorry!”

I notice the five other people waiting nearby who are looking at me like I have the plague.

Me: “I’m so sorry! I inhaled a fly!”

I grabbed my shopping and ran away into the open space of the car park to finish my revolting coughing spell and hope the fly would come out with it. Gross.

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Hopefully This Resulted In A Belly Laugh

, , | Right | April 21, 2021

I’m working in a small butcher’s shop. A lady comes in.

Customer: “I’d like a piece of the pork belly that’s in the display.”

There’s only one piece of pork belly on display so I go to grab it out for her.

Customer: “Not that one, the other one.”

I start looking around, wondering if have I missed a piece or if there is another piece on display somewhere. She just keeps pointing and saying:

Customer: “That one there!”

After a moment or two, I worked it out: the display fridge has a mirror at the end and she’d seen the reflection of the pork belly in the mirror. After I politely pointed this out to her, she bought the pork belly and was finally on her way.

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It’s A Dragon! It’s A Kangaroo! No, It’s… Actually, It IS A Dragon!

, , , , , | Learning | April 17, 2021

I’m the same person from these two stories. My Japanese teacher, who I’ll call Sensei, quite likes origami. I have a tendency to start speaking in English during speaking tasks due to nerves. She helps me overcome this by building up my confidence, and she gifts me with a pack of origami paper the first time I succeed.

During a lesson, a friend and I are chatting, and I offhandedly mention the origami prank I played earlier. Sensei jokingly interjects.

Sensei: “I hope I won’t find rabbits all over my desk, [My Name]!”

I laugh and we move to another topic.  

When I get home, I examine the pack of origami paper I was given and realize just how many pieces of paper there are in the pack. That’s when I get ideas.  

I carefully extricate one piece of each color and fold them all into dragons. I spend the next few days with a pocket full of paper dragons, waiting for an opportunity where I can get to Sensei’s desk.

A week or so later, that opportunity comes. I dash right in and get to work placing the dragons. Once I am done, I run back outside to find Sensei.

Me: “Sensei, Sensei, come quick! There’s an army of miniature dragons invading your desk!” 

Sensei: “Miniature dragons?”

Me: “Yeah, miniature dragons!” 

We walked back to the staffroom where her desk was located. As soon as she opened the door and spotted her desk, she started laughing.  

True to my word, there were eight miniature dragons in various comical positions on her desk. There was one tapping at her keyboard curiously, one climbing up the side of her desktop monitor, one on top of her monitor entirely, one swinging from the cord for the vertical blinds by its forelimbs and holding on for dear life, one running on her tape roll mounted in the desktop tape dispenser, and three more sitting around on her desk, watching the show.  

Judging by how the eight origami dragons are now carefully lined up on her desk, I think this prank counts as a success.

Related:
It’s A Dragon! It’s A Kangaroo! No, It’s A Disappearing Teacher!
It’s A Dragon! It’s A Kangaroo! No, It’s A Whole Mess Of Rabbits!

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I’ve Had Worse Nicknames

, , , , , | Working | April 13, 2021

I work in a busy restaurant in Australia which has a popular high tea service on weekend afternoons. We have one new guy who is French and occasionally has some difficulty understanding broader Aussie accents.

The new guy comes up to me, quite confused, while I am stacking plates in the kitchen. 

New Guy: “A customer asked me for German cream. Where do I find it?”

I am initially a bit confused myself, as there is a huge tray of jam and cream sitting on the pass in front of him.

Me: *Pointing* “It’s just there.”

He looks at it.

New Guy: “But this is just normal cream.”

I realised what he had said initially and couldn’t help but burst out laughing. I stuttered out, “JAM and cream.” He went bright red and grabbed some to take out to the customer. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t the only one in the kitchen at the time and the chefs gave him the nickname “German,” which was his moniker until I stopped working there.

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