English Is Going Down (Under)

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2010

Me: “Hello, how are you?”

Customer: “What country are you from?”

Me: “England.”

Customer: “Oh, no wonder you don’t speak English properly.”


This story is part of the Bad With English roundup!

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Learn Your Acronyms ASAP

, , , , , | Right | May 25, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me, miss, do you have those movies on circles?”

Me: “Do you mean DVDs?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it, VDVs. Do you have those?”

Me: “Yes, right over here.”

(I leave the customer to browse and she comes back with a stack of DVDs to borrow).

Customer: “They’re good aren’t they, VDVs?”

Me: “Yes, they are. Very clear.”

Customer: “Yes, I love them. I can’t believe I waited so long to get a nice VD player.”

(I finish the loans and hand the customer her DVDs. As she’s leaving she sees a friend walking in).

Customer: “Oh! Cynthia! You need to come over for coffee. I finally got a VD!”


This story is part of our Old People & Technology roundup.

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The Twelve (Billion) Days Of Christmas

, , , | Right | May 6, 2010

(This takes place on Christmas Eve.)

Customer: “What’s this about you guys closing tomorrow?”

Me: “Yes, we are closed for Christmas day so we can have time with our families.”

Customer: “But if you’re closed, then what am I supposed to feed my family with!? You guys are supposed to be open all the time!”

Me: “But what about our families? Can’t we spend time with them?”

Customer: “No, because you’re supposed to be here working and serving us food!”


This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

18 Chill-Inducing Stories About Freezing Weather And Those Who Can’t Handle It (And A Few Who Can)

 

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Should Get His Head Chequed

, , , | Right | May 3, 2010

(A client calls in regarding a payment he is expecting from us. I determine the reason for the delay, correct it, and all that is left is the processing of the payment.)

Me: “How would you like the payment, sir? Electronically or by cheque?”

Client: “Electronically, please.”

Me: “Not a problem. I just need your bank account details so we can transfer the payment.”

Client: *short pause* “Who are you again?”

Me: “I’m [My Name] from [Government Department].”

Client: “So this is [Government Department]? How do I know that’s true?”

Me: “Well, you called me.”

Client: “Did I? I’m still not sure. I think you’re faking it.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you’re uncomfortable providing your bank account details over the phone, we can send the payment via cheque.”

Client: “No, a cheque takes too long.”

Me: “We currently don’t have your bank account details, so you will need to provide them to us if you want electronic payment.”

Client: “Well, that’s no good.”

Me: “Cheque, then, sir?”

Client: “I guess. Do I have to give you my address?”

Me: “No, we already have your address unless… have you moved recently, sir?”

Client: *exasperated sigh* “How would I know that?”

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No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | April 13, 2010

Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what’s the time in the UK now?”

Me: “Its 9:00 pm. They’re ten hours behind.”

Customer: “Oh, so if I call the UK in another half hour, what time will it be?”

Me: “It’ll be 9:30 pm.”

Customer: “You mean if half an hour passes here, it will also be half an hour later there?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh! So, that’s how it works?”

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 2
No Fortitude For Longitude

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