Best Try The Duet Yourself Checkout

, , , , , , | Right | December 23, 2010

(An elderly gentleman selects a paintbrush and takes it to the counter.)

Customer: “Now, I don’t pay for items. I sing and dance on the tabletops instead.”

Me: *I laugh, thinking he’s joking* “That’s $1.19 please.”

Customer: “Well, I reckon that’d be about a minute’s worth of singing.”

Me: *still thinking he’s joking* “Actually, it’s $1.19, so it’s probably more like a minute and twenty seconds.”

(The customer then starts singing a monotone song — something about a cat. He is hobbling from side to side. I can’t help it; I just laugh until tears are running down my face.)

Customer: “That was verse one! There are 93 more!”

Me: “In that case, I’ll just take the cash.”


This story is part of our Musically Ignorant Customers roundup!

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This Is A Bad Sign

, , , | Right | December 12, 2010

(A customer is making a purchase on credit card.)

Me: “All right, could I just check the signature on your card?”

Customer: “I didn’t sign it.”

Me: “I’ll need to see some ID then, please. And I would recommend signing it as soon as possible so that if you lose it, no one else will be able to use it.”

Customer: “Oh, but that’s what I did last time. Someone just copied my signature.”

Me: “Sorry to hear that. Still, I would sign it or write “Photo ID only” on it or something, or if you lose it someone will just put their own signature on the back.”

Customer: “No… If there’s nothing there, there’s nothing for them to copy!”


This story is part of the Clueless With Credit Cards roundup!

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Taxing Faxing, Part 7

, , , , , | Right | December 9, 2010

Me: “Hi, [Cake Shop]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, do you have cake boxes?”

Me: “Like the ones we put the sold cakes into?”

Caller: “Yeah, but do you have just plain coloured ones?”

Me: “No, sorry. We only have ones with the company’s logo on it.”

Caller: “Well, can you order one? I told my friend that I got a special cake shop to make the cake, but I made it, and all I need is a plain box.”

Me: “Sorry, we can’t do that.”

Caller: “Okay, then, I’ll just get the one with a logo. Can you mail it?”

Me: “No, that’s not store policy. Customers have to collect it themselves.”

Caller: “Well, then just fax it to me.” *tells me his number – and before I can respond* “Thank you!” *hangs up*

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Some Recipes Contain No Margarine For Error

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2010

Customer: “Hi, could you point me in the direction of the butter?”

Me: “Of course, it’s just over here.”

Customer: “Do you have these in liquid form? Like watery?”

Me: “I’m not sure what you mean.. Did you want cream?”

Customer: “No, no, like liquid butter?”

(At this point I look at the customers shopping list: it’s a recipe list for pancakes and it clearly says ‘melted butter.’)

Me: “You want to buy melted butter? You know you can just make that, right?”

Customer: “Oh, really? You actually make it yourself? How do you do that?”

Me: “You just put regular butter in a hot pan and it melts.”

Customer: “Wow! That’s fantastic! Thank you so much!”

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H2-Woah

, , , , | Right | December 3, 2010

(At the cinema the water is really expensive. The bottle we sell costs $5.10 but anywhere else it would be $2.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get you?”

Customer: “I’ll just grab a water, thanks.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be $5.10.”

Customer: *shocked* “$5.10!?”

Me: “Yeah, sorry, just our prices.”

Customer: “But it’s water. You know, that s*** comes from the sky, right?”


This story is part of our Water roundup!

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