At The End Of The Day They’re Both Jerks

, , , , , | Learning | October 4, 2017

In year nine of high school, I had a really great maths class, with a super cool teacher. He was a bit of a joker and made maths classes actually enjoyable.

One of the things he had us do, near the end of the class, was a competition where we answered various math equations in an elimination competition. I was pretty good, and in this case, managed to get right to the final round against another guy.

Both of us are named Jack, and as soon as the teacher noticed it was down to us, he said without thinking, “Let’s have a Jack-Off.”

To a crowd of teenagers.

His face immediately went bright red, as everyone in the class exploded into laughter, after which he ended the lesson a little early.

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My Husband The T-Rex

, , , , | Romantic | October 4, 2017

Me: *making toast in the kitchen* “What are you looking for?”

Husband: “Paper towel.”

Me: *hands it to him; it is right next to his hand* “Wow, that really was a man-look.”

Husband: “I can’t help it. Men have eyesight based on movement. It’s true. Look it up. It’s a hunter thing.”

Me: *laughs* “Are you saying that all men are predators?”

Husband: “Rawr!”

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Don’t Call Tin Man For Charity

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2017

(I work in a call centre, selling raffle tickets to raise money for different type of charities. This call happens to be for a heart research institute.)

Me: “Good morning, sir. My name is [Name], and I’m calling on behalf of [Heart Charity].”

Potential Customer: “Sorry, don’t have one of them.” *click*

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Unfiltered Story #96634

, | Unfiltered | October 3, 2017

(I’m working the service counter, which is always a great place to find annoying customers. This particular day just wasn’t my day though, because I’m met with a line of what I’m about to learn is four separate annoying customers. That’s right, strap in and get ready for what may be the first ever ‘Not Always Right’ anthology story.)

Me: “Who was first?”

Customer #1: “Yes, could you call down [store manager] for me?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I go and call the manager down and return to the customer.)

Me: “He shouldn’t be long. Was that all?”

Customer #1: “No actually. I wanted to know why you people never answer the phones. I rang twice just before and no one answered.”

Me: “Really?”

Customer #1: “Yes, don’t they teach you people to answer the damn phones?”

Me: “I’m not actually trained to answer the phones myself, but you should definitely talk to [store manager] about it when he gets down here.”

Customer #1: “It’s ridiculous. I rang twice, and no answer either time.”

Me: “Okay, um, who was next?”

Customer #2: “That’s me. I wanted to find this product.”

(She shows me a picture of what she’s after on her phone. Now, normally I’d just get the supervisor to do a quick search for it on the computer to see if and where we have it, but for whatever reason, the supervisor on duty has told me that after 4:00pm we aren’t going to use the computer anymore and that I’d have to call down someone from the longlife department to help instead. It’s now 4:10, so I call someone from longlife to come to the service desk.)

Me: “Okay, I’ve called someone down from the longlife department. They’ll be able to help you find it.”

Customer #2: “But I just spoke to someone from the longlife department. They sent me here to talk to you.”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer #2: “They said you could look it up on the computer.”

Me: “Hey [supervisor], this customer wants to know if we stock a certain product.”

Supervisor: “Call longlife.”

Me: “I did, but she says she already spoke to longlife and they sent her here. Can you look it up on the system?”

Supervisor: “No, she’ll just have to wait for someone from longlife to come down.”

Me: “Sorry, there’s nothing we can do. I’ve called someone to help.”

Customer #2: “But I already spoke to someone from that department and they sent me here.”

Me: “I know, and I’m sorry, but I can’t do anything.”

Customer #2: “This is ridiculous. I just want you to do a search. Are you new or something?”

Me: “No, not at all. I’m just not a supervisor, so I can’t use the system.”

Customer #2: “Don’t they train you people? This is ridiculous.”

(Meanwhile, remember Customer #1?)

Customer #1: “Hey, where’s [store manager]? Has he gone fishing or something?

Me: “I’ll try him again. Hey [supervisor], [store manager] is in today isn’t he? A customer wants to see him?”

Supervisor: “Yeah, he’s in.”

(I call him again. And I call longlife again. No one comes.)

Me: “Who’s next?”

Customer #3: “Yes, that’s me. I just went through selfserve and I notice that you have signs up saying that you’re now taking Apple Pay.”

Me: “Yes…”

Customer #3: “But you’ve always taken Apple Pay, it’s what I pay with.”

Me: “Oh, really? Huh. That’s weird. I wouldn’t know because I don’t use it.”

Customer #3: “Why would you say you’re now taking Apple Pay if you’ve always taken it?”

Me: “No idea. Was that all?”

Customer #3: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “Well, I mean, if you’ve always paid with Apple Pay and you can still pay with Apple Pay, there’s not really a problem is there?”

Customer #3: “I just want to know why. I don’t understand why you would say you’re now taking it when you’ve taken it for years.”

Me: “I really don’t know sir. I don’t use Apple Pay and I know nothing about it sorry.”

(After a bit more back and forth, Customer #3 finally leaves. Customers #1 and #2 are still waiting for the people I called down to help them.)

Me: “Who was next?”

Customer #4: “Hi, I bought this saucepan here the other day and I want to return it.”

Me: “Um okay.”

Customer #4: “I have a receipt here.”

(Knowing that only supervisors can make refunds, I get ready to tell her that I’ll just need to grab a supervisor, but before I can open my mouth, I notice her receipt.)

Me: “Can I see that receipt?”

Customer #4: “Yes, here you go.”

Me: “Ah, you see, this is actually a receipt from [our competitor].”

Customer #4: “What?”

Me: “You bought this saucepan from [our competitor].”

Customer #4: “Yes…”

Me: “This is [my work].”

Customer #4: “Are you sure it’s [my work]?”

Me: “Well… um… yes. Either that or I was very confused when driving into work today.”

Customer #4: “Oh, sorry. I guess I’ll come back another day then. Thanks.”

(She turns bright red and backs out of the store. Customers #1 and #2 both laugh.)

Customer #1: “It’s really not your day today is it?”

Me: “No, it most certainly is not.”

(Eventually, someone from the back comes down. He’s not the store manager, but he tells me the store manager is busy and has sent him instead. He helps Customer #1 with his issue. Then, seeing that he’s a longlife manager, I ask him if he’ll help Customer #2 find that product she’s after. He does so, by looking it up on the very computer my supervisor refused to use. I shifted onto a bulk register after that. That was more than enough service desk for one day.)

Unfiltered Story #96630

, | Unfiltered | October 3, 2017

I have just bought a sewing machine that has a range of decorative stitches, usually most sewers don’t use most of the stitches. I have found a pattern in a sewing magazine for a teddy bear that uses the stitches as an embellishment. After making the bear I take it to show my new friends at the sewing machine shop.

Me “Hi (Name) I just wanted to show you the latest thing I’ve just made”

Staff 1 “Oh Wow! (My name), you did a really good job and thank you for making my day.” *calls her co-workers “Look what (My name) made”

Staff 2 “O M G, how brilliant is that? (My Name) it’s beautiful and Congratulations (Staff 1)”

Staff 1 “I know right?” *hugs me “Thank you, Thank you, Thank you”.

Me “What for?”

Staff 1 “This is the first time a customer has brought in a finished project from one of my designs”

Me “You designed it?”

Staff 1 “Yes it’s the first time I’ve had a design published too.”

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