Should Get His Head Chequed

, , | Right | May 3, 2010

(A client calls in regarding a payment he is expecting from us. I determine the reason for the delay, correct it and all that is left is the processing of the payment.)

Me: “How would you like the payment, sir? Electronically or by cheque?”

Client: “Electronically, please.”

Me: “Not a problem. I just need your bank account details so we can transfer the payment.”

Client: *short pause* “Who are you again?”

Me: “I’m [My Name] from [government department].”

Client: “So this is [government department]? How do I know that’s true?”

Me: “Well, you called me.”

Client: “Did I? I’m still not sure. I think you’re faking it.”

Me: “Well, sir, if you’re uncomfortable providing your bank account details over the phone, we can send the payment via cheque.”

Client: “No, a cheque takes too long.”

Me: “We currently don’t have your bank account details, so you will need to provide them to us if you want electronic payment.”

Client: “Well, that’s no good.”

Me: “Cheque then, sir?”

Client: “I guess, do I have to give you my address?”

Me: “No, we already have your address unless… have you moved recently, sir?”

Client: *exasperated sigh* “How would I know that?”

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No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 3

, , , , | Right | April 13, 2010

Me: “Welcome, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, what’s the time in the UK now?”

Me: “Its 9 pm. They’re ten hours behind.”

Customer: “Oh, so if I call the UK in another half hour, what time will it be?”

Me: “It’ll be 9:30 pm.”

Customer: “You mean if half an hour passes here, it will also be half an hour later there?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: *surprised* “Oh! So that’s how it works?”

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Cold But Not Calculating

, , , | Right | April 7, 2010

(There is a deal at my store that reduces the prices on DVDs if you get five or more. A customer rings up 4 DVDs.)

Me: “So, you know if you get another movie, it’ll cost you fifty cents less than what you have right now?”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “Um, well, we have this deal…”

Customer: “If I wanted another DVD, I would have gotten one before. And I would pay for it, too, because I believe in the system we have running here. I don’t need no filthy communist telling me how to use my money!”

Me: “I really don’t think that’s how communism works, but okay. That’ll be eight bucks.”

Customer: “Don’t you tell me how communism works! I fought in that war!”

Me: “Which war?”

Customer: “The Cold War!”

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Women’s Studies, Not Studying Women

, , , , | Learning Right | March 24, 2010

(I work in enrollment in my university.)

Me: “What degree would you like to enrol in?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, what are you interested in?”

Customer: “Hot girls.”

Me: “You mean ‘Women’s Studies’?”

Customer: “Does that have lots of girls in it?”

Me: “Pretty much all girls.”

Customer: “Awesome, I’ll do that.”

(Note: ‘Women’s Studies’ studies feminism.)

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Not A Nice Touch

, , | Right | March 24, 2010

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

(Customer places his order, pays, and takes his food without saying a word.)

Me: “Here you are. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “What if I don’t want to have a nice day, huh?”

Me: “Um… don’t?”

Customer: “Don’t be so rude!” *storms out angrily*

Coworker: “What just happened?”

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