A customer comes in with a small digital thermometer, the kind that generally goes under the armpit or in your mouth. As such, they’re designed to be resistant to fluids, although they’re not entirely waterproof because, hey, they are cheap.

Customer: “I bought this a few days ago and took a couple of readings, and now it’s stopped working. I think maybe it’s the battery. Can I have a refund or an exchange?”

Coworker: “Let’s have a look and see if we can change the battery first.”

My coworker opens the battery case of the thermometer and finds it rather brown inside. As she’s new and unsure of what to do, she asks my opinion.

I take note of the brown and then notice that the outside of the thermometer is damp.

Me: “It looks wet. Could it be water damage?”

My coworker tilts the thermometer to try to see the battery better, and suddenly, about two teaspoons of very brown, very murky water run out of the battery compartment and onto our bench.

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not water damage. I mean, I did wash it, but it was broken before that. I used it on my horse because he’s sick and I didn’t think you’d want to handle it unless I washed it first.”

Yep. We now had horse poo water on our bench and on my coworker’s hands. From the condition of the battery compartment, I strongly suspect that this may not have been the first time the customer had washed the thermometer.

Despite my misgivings, my manager gave the customer the exchange anyway. My coworker disposed of the used thermometer and scrubbed the bench and her hands very thoroughly.

Ah, the joys of working retail.

It’s December 2019 and Australia is experiencing one of the worst bushfire seasons in history. The sky is constantly red-brown from smoke and ash and we are hearing about new fires popping up every day. A state of emergency has been declared and the general mood is one of fear and anxiety.

One morning, I’m trying to get my children fed and ready for school while trying to get the news to play on our [Smart Home Assistant]. I am getting cranky and shouty as “The Assistant” can’t hear me properly with my kids chattering away in the background.

Assistant: “Would you like to hear some soothing and relaxing sounds?”

Me: *Giving up* “SURE! Why not?”

“The Assistant” plays crackling fire sounds.

I work in a swimming pool that has a sauna, steam room, and spa. An older gentleman has rocked up to use the sauna. Typically, there is no problem with this, but he likes to lie down and have a nap in the sauna and then shout at staff members who check on him to make sure he’s okay. He’s been told multiple times that he is NOT to lie down and have a nap or ignore lifeguards when they ask him to give a sign that he’s okay.

There’s a rotation on the pool deck. This lifeguard is a bit more diligent in his job and sees that the headcount for the sauna hasn’t been updated for about forty-five minutes. He sticks his head in the sauna and a lady in there tells him that the guy lying down hasn’t moved for about thirty minutes since she arrived.

The lifeguard immediately asks if he’s okay. No response. He asks again, but louder and basically yelling for the person lying down to respond. No response. He taps the person on the collarbone, yelling, “Are you okay?” after radioing that we have a possible major.

Well. This old man is NOT happy in the slightest that this lifeguard has woken him up from his nap and has “VICIOUSLY” assaulted him. He goes off his nutter and has a massive argument with the manager about what the lifeguard did and he demands that the lifeguard be fired for assaulting him in the sauna.

Manager: “That isn’t going to happen.”

The old man storms off to the changing rooms and comes out about fifteen minutes later, dressed.

Old Man: “Don’t talk to me!”

After twenty minutes of waiting in the foyer, the cops show up.

Officer: “We got a report that a person was assaulted in the sau—”

They don’t even get to finish their sentence before he interrupts, yelling:

Old Man: “I’m the one who was assaulted and it was that lifeguard out there who did it and I demand that you arrest him for assault because management here won’t do anything about it!“

One of the officers stays and speaks to the manager, and the man goes from yelling to sobbing about how he was viciously assaulted in the sauna, while the other officer goes and speaks to the lifeguard who explains what he did.

Officer: *To the old man* “We aren’t arresting him or taking his details because he was doing his job.”

The cops leave the facility and the old man promptly throws a massive tantrum, throwing a bin on the ground before storming out in tears. 

About four weeks later, a journalist from the local newspaper calls the facility because they have a story about the place and they want to get a comment about it.

Journalist: “An older man was assaulted in the sauna by a lifeguard and your facility has done nothing about it. The victim was left bedridden for a week and he ended up in hospital because he had breathing difficulties, was covered in bruises, and had a possible hairline fracture on his collarbone from the assault.”

Management tells the journalist what happened and we send her an incident report form, along with a few others showing that the man had been told before not to sleep in the sauna and not to abuse staff who check on him, and if they put out a defamatory story, then lawyers would be involved. Thankfully, the story was killed.

I’m working over the weekend and the man comes in with some papers that he shows me that he got from lawyers. 

Old Man: “I’m suing the lifeguard who assaulted me for damages. You have to hand over to me the full name, address, phone number, and birthday of the lifeguard.”

Me: “I’m unable to do that. Any legal action undertaken against a member of staff has to go through the council’s legal team.”

Old Man: “Are you finished?”

Me: “Yes.”

Old Man: “Good. Now do your job and give me what I have asked from you.”

Me: “I’m not able to give you that information; if you want t—”

Old Man: “Are you incapable of doing your job?”

Me: “No, sir, I am not.”

Old Man: “Then do your job and give me the details of the man who assaulted me.”

Me: “Sir, I’m not allowed to give out any personal details o—”

Old Man: “This is for legal purposes! You are required to hand over the information of that lifeguard to me!“

Me: “Sir, don’t yell, and no, I am bound by contract not to give out any personal details of the staff here. Any legal action goes through the council’s legal team.”

Old Man: “I am not suing the council! I am suing that lifeguard who assaulted me! If you do not hand over the information, then I’ll have you charged and thrown into prison for obstructing the course of justice!”

Me: “Go through the council lega—”

Old Man: “No! No!” *Stomping* “Give me your name right now!“

Me: “No. Go through the legal tea—”

Old Man: “I am not suing the council! I am suing that lifeguard; now give me his details!”

By this time, management heard the yelling and came down. Amazingly enough, a member of the council’s legal team was there and tried to have a talk with the man, but he refused because, “I AM NOT SUING THE COUNCIL; I’M SUING THAT LIFEGUARD!”

The man left, yelling at customers about how the facility was defending a man who assaulted him in the sauna and left him hospitalized. As he left, he yelled that he’d be going onto social media to have this place shut down and that he had recorded the entire incident on a hidden camera.  

To date, it’s been three weeks since this incident. Nothing has appeared on social media.

I work in a pharmacy, so you can imagine that we get more than our fair share of sick, coughing people. Unfortunately, that also means that we get more than our fair share of people who insist they cannot wear a mask. While corporate has refused to allow us to use curbside service, my management HAS been very good at backing us up and insisting we can refuse service to people that don’t comply.

Customer: “Hi, I just need this script filled.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, can you please put on your mask?”

Customer: “No, I have a medical exemption.”

Me: “I’m afraid that I am going to have to insist.”

Customer: “I cannot wear a mask.”

Me: “Ma’am, we will refuse service to anyone who isn’t wearing a mask. Many of our customers are high-risk.”

At this, she lifts her script to press it flat against the plastic of the barrier between us.

Customer: “The sooner you give me these, the sooner I can leave and start taking them so that I can wear a mask. But I need this script first.”

I am about to keep arguing, but then I realise what the medication on the script is. It’s a strong prescription painkiller, used for nerve disease and shingles and its complications.

I then look at the woman’s face again, and  I realise the redness on her cheeks and jaw are not embarrassment or just a ruddy complexion but inflammation.

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I’ll… get right on that.”

Could she have been clearer? Given the particular painkiller, probably not.

My city is currently in the midst of a two-week lockdown due to the health crisis. I am still turning up to work as our store is deemed essential, though most other stores in the same shopping complex are shut and at this point have been closed for about a week.

A customer walks in, already seemingly annoyed.

Customer: “Why is the [Insurance Provider] store closed?”

My store is in no way shape or form affiliated with this insurance provider other than being located next to it.

Me: “I’m not too sure, sir, but it’s probably due to the lockdown.”

Customer: “What lockdown?!”

Me: *Pauses* “Sir, we’re in a lockdown currently due to cases rising.”

Customer: “Why did it start today?!”

Me: *Pauses again* “Sir, it started last week.”

Customer: “…”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Well how am I supposed to pay my bills?!”

Me: “I’m not sure sir, you could try… calling them?”

Customer: “That’s useless! I’m just not going to pay them, since you lot make everything so difficult! And don’t you dare think of charging me additional fees for your incompetence!”