My friend is telling me about what happened to her at work yesterday.

Customer: “Could I have a large [burger] value meal, and a three-nugget kids’ meal?”

Friend: “Certainly. That will be [price].”

The customer looks through his wallet and finds that he doesn’t have enough for both the meals.

Customer: “Change that to just the large [burger] and a forty-cent ice cream cone?”

My friend looks at the man’s young daughter and doesn’t want to give her just that for what is obviously going to be her only dinner.

Friend: “Okay.”

Her coworkers work on his meal, while she makes the ice cream cone. The young girl starts crying and saying that she wants hot fudge. My friend, feeling sorry for her, decides to make her a hot fudge sundae rather than the cone, without charging the man any extra.

Customer: “What do you think you’re doing? Why are you intervening in my parenting?!”

My friend gets grumpy at this, as the man obviously values himself more than his daughter, but she just ignores it. She does, however, let her manager know about it, who decides to give the girl ten mini-nuggets, free of charge.

Customer: “Stop intervening in my parenting!”

Manager: “I’m sorry, it’s a thing called human decency and making sure everyone gets fed.”

I was completely flabbergasted that a father would value his own meal over something for his daughter to eat, when he could have bought a small meal for him, and one for her, not to mention his outrage at their attempt to help feed his daughter for him.

I work in a drive thru fast food restaurant that also does barista made coffees, those being small, regular or large in size

A lady has come around to the pay window to pay for her coffee and my manager asked me to double check what size as she said ‘small medium’ at the speaker.

Me: Hi sorry was that a small cappuccino?
Customer: A small regular cappuccino thanks
Me: So were you after a small or a regular?
Customer: A small regular, you know like a small standard?
Me: Sorry but a small and a regular are 2 different sizes, were you after the smallest size *using my hands to demonstrate* or the middle size?
Customer: Oh the smallest one thank you

I am a student nurse who hasn’t seen much of the world. I’m working in a geriatric ward and I have been really enjoying working with these patients. Thus far, they have all been sweet, polite, and charming, and they usually have delightful things to tell me.

A group of patients has been positioned together in lounge chairs near the window. It’s a lovely sunny morning; the sun is streaming in and everyone is feeling great.

I approach one gentleman.

Me: “How are you doing there?”

Patient: “Ahhh…”

He settles himself right back in his chair.

Patient: “If I was any more comfortable, you’d be f****** me!”

(I am working on registers one day when a man I guess to be in his late 70’s places a few items on my belt. Amongst them I see a box of condoms. I raise my eyebrows in surprise, but otherwise say nothing. As I pick them up, the man smiles at me.)

Man: Just so you know, those aren’t for me, they’re for my grandsons.

Me: (smiles in relief) Ah, that explains it. I wasn’t going to say anything, but I did think “good for you!”

Man: (laughs) Oh, no, I’m far beyond that at my age!

(We had a good laugh and the man paid and went on his way. I had been having a lousy day, but this funny misunderstanding cheered me up.)

It is 2005 and I am working at a video rental store – remember those? We also sell snacks, sweets and ice cream. All the food items are in view of the counter, and are the only items of value that aren’t stored behind the counter (all the DVD and video game boxes on the shelves are empty).

The location I work in is in a slightly seedy part of town, on a major road leading to the city center, and we are surrounded by a mix of cheap bed-and-breakfasts and bail hostels, so shoplifting is an issue for us. The ice-cream is often targeted since it is the most expensive single food item we sell; one-pint pots cost for about $5 each.

There are always at least two people on shift, and the cleverer shoplifters wait for us to both be busy before swiping the ice-cream, but this guy is far from smart…

While I am sorting a couple of things out behind the counter my colleague watches this guy walk up and get a tub of ice cream and walk out of sight between the aisles. He goes to leave the store a couple minutes later and my colleague pipes up:

Colleague: “Excuse me, sir, are you going to buy that ice cream?”

Shoplifter: “What ice cream?”

Colleague: “The tub of cookies and cream that you have in your carrier bag.”

There’s a pause and the shoplifter looks like a deer in headlights, then my colleague points at the bag, which is obviously bulging and semi-translucent, so you can clearly see the tub of ice-cream, which is how he can tell the flavour.

It was priceless watching him sheepishly put it back and slouching off like a scolded child.