Better Late Than Never!

, , , , | | Healthy | May 23, 2018

(In Australia, certain medical costs are covered by Medicare for everyone and some only for specific populations. A person with a chronic disease can access some funding for allied health visits through a program colloquially called a Care Plan. Word of mouth from friends or family often makes people aware of this.)

Elderly Female Patient: “My friend told me I should ask you about family planning. “

Doctor: *taken aback* ” Did you mean family planning? Because that’s things like contraception.”

Patient: “OH! ” *laughter*

Doctor: “Oh, you meant a Care Plan!” *more laughter from both* “Unless you did want to have a baby?”

Need To Foster A New Roster

, , , , | | Working | May 22, 2018

(I get a phone call from work one morning.)

Coworker: *sounding angry* “[My Name], where are you? You should have been here 15 minutes ago.”

Me: “I’m not supposed to be working today.”

Coworker: “Yes, you are; it’s on the roster.”

(I quickly dress and rush in, thinking I have read the roster wrong. I double-check the roster when I arrive and find that my name has been handwritten onto the typed roster. I end up talking to the coworker who called me; she works in our office and is normally a self-entitled b****.)

Me: “When was my name written on this?”

Coworker: “I wrote it on [Day before yesterday], after [Manager] told me you were needed.”

Me: “Why didn’t you call me about it? I didn’t know about this change.”

Coworker: “It’s not up to me to call you; you should be checking your roster every day without fail.”

Me: “So, I am supposed to come in on my days off just so I can check the roster?”

Coworker: “Stop being an idiot; you are supposed to check your roster after every shift.”

Me: “My last shift was four days ago. Tell me again how I was supposed to know that my roster had been changed without my knowledge.”

Coworker: “WELL, HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT?”

Me: “By reading the roster.”

Homeownership Is A Deal-Breaker

, , , , | | Friendly | May 22, 2018

(My uncle’s friend’s partner has taken a liking to my grandmother. My uncle warns my mother to keep an eye on this woman; he doesn’t trust her, as his friend told him she was a golddigger, which is why he never married her. We notice that she has manipulated my grandmother into giving her specific items that she likes. My grandmother lives in my parent’s house, and one day my mother finds a handwritten note on my grandmother’s table.)

Note: “I, [Grandmother] hereby adopt [Friend] as my daughter.” *signed and dated by [Grandmother]*

Mum: “What the hell is this?”

Grandmother: “Oh, I was going to give that to [Friend] when she’s here today”

Mum: “Was this [Friend]’s idea?”

Grandmother: “Um… No, I thought it would be nice; she doesn’t have a family.”

Mum: “Has [Friend] seen this? Did you tell her that you wrote it?”

Grandmother: “No, not yet.”

Mum: “Please don’t do this again; I don’t trust her.”

Grandmother: “But she’s all alone; she’s got no family.”

Mum: “She’s got family and even grandchildren.”

(Mum made sure she stayed during the woman’s visit, happily telling the woman the story of how they had extended their house so that grandmother had her own rooms. She told me that the look on the woman’s face showed that she had thought that my grandmother owned the house.)

Maybe She Thought It Was Beyoncé’s Album

, , , , , | | Working | May 21, 2018

(In Australia, lemonade is a clear, carbonated, lemon-flavoured drink, like Sprite. Lemon Squash, or Pub Squash, is a yellow, carbonated drink with a stronger lemon flavour. Traditional, non-carbonated lemonade is pretty rare here. I’ve just pulled up to the speaker box at the drive-thru and am finishing placing my order.)

Me: “And a [combo], with a lemonade for the drink.”

Worker: “Sorry?”

Me: “A [combo] with a lemonade for the drink.”

Worker: “And what for the drink?”

(I am being very clear, and I haven’t said a brand name because I can’t remember which soda company’s products this restaurant has: Coke or Pepsi.)

Me: “Lemonade.”

Worker: “Lift?” *this is Coke’s brand name for lemon squash in Australia*

Me: “No, lemonade. Like a Sprite or something.”

Worker: “Oh! We have Sprite!”

(Awkward silence.)

Me: “Yeah… A Sprite.”

(When I drove up to the window, she handed me my food and drink. She looked about 16. I knew from the accent that she was Australian, so she shouldn’t have been confused. I have no idea how she got this far in life not knowing what lemonade was.)

When Meeting Is Fleeting

, , , , , | | Working | May 20, 2018

(I am due to meet with my boss at 4:00 pm one Friday afternoon for our monthly one-on-one catch-up meeting. At 2:45 pm I get a call from him about said meeting. I think he might have had something come up and is cancelling on me; this has happened many times before. Instead, he comes out with this gem:)

Boss: “So, I really can’t be bothered working any more today. You want to get out of here early and go get a beer with me, instead?”

(Of course, I immediately agreed. Best meeting ever!)

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