In this story I’m a student who’s grabbing a few essentials and checking out.
Cashier: Hi, how are you today?
Me: I’m good thanks, just grabbing the essentials today. How are you?
*While chatting, I put my four items on the counter: milk, bread, chocolate and lollies. As I put up the chocolate..*
Cashier: Now THAT’S my kind of shop! Those are definitely essentials on my shopping list!
Me: *laughing* Oh I couldn’t agree more! You’ll have to grab some after work.
Cashier: I’ll have to now!

(I work for a call centre affiliated with a car manufacturer. I’ve been speaking with a private dealer about an issue with a secondhand vehicle she bought.)

Me: “All right, let me just take some details down and we can process your claim.”

Dealer: “Sorry, can you hold for just a moment? One of our regulars has just come in; he’s a bit of a handful.”

Me: “Sure, no worries. A handful?”

Dealer: “Well, he thinks he’s Russell Crowe…”

Me: “Seriously?”

Dealer: “Yes, he’s utterly convinced of it. He cruises around in a black Mercedes with custom plates which read ‘CROWE.’ I’ll just be a minute, sorry.”

(The call ended while I was on hold. I can only hope Mr. Crowe didn’t try to do an impromptu rendition of “Gladiator” in the foyer or something.)

My father is our doing a promotion in a mall that involves him and a few friends wearing medieval amour. After the promotion they have to go to the fabric shop to pick up some fabric. As they are coming back down the escalator they hear this exchange from a coffee shop at the bottom of the escalator.
Customer: No! I am telling you! Yesterday the price said $3.15 and now you are charging me $3.85!
Assistant that just handed him his coffee: Sir, as I explained—
Customer: No! the price went up! You’re just trying to make me think I’m crazy and seeing things!
Here the customer turns around while taking a sip from his coffee. He sees my dad and friends approach the bottom of the escalator. The guy goes wide eyed, he misses his mouth with is coffee and pours it down his shirt.

A good part of my day involves trying to help customers login to their online accounts. This involves issuing a case sensitive temporary password that consists of letters and numbers. A lot of people have trouble with these (despite the fact we never include letters and numbers that could be confused, such as 0, o, O, 1, l or I.)
Me: now type in the password we emailed you, it is case sensitive.
Customer: it didn’t work!
Me: that’s ok, you can try again, remember you need to type the capital letters as capitals and the lower case as lower case.
Customer: oh, I didn’t do that.
They try again.
Customer: it still doesn’t work! The password must be wrong.
Me: I’ll reset the password, is it ok if I email it to myself and read it out? That seems to help some people, I’ll stay on the line until you can login and change it to your own password.
Customer: Oh, yes please!
Me: ok, here’s the new password. The first letter is a capital T for tango.
Customer: is that a big T or a small T?
Me: that’s a big T.
Customer: ok
Me: Now the number 2
Customer: is that a big 2 or a small 2?
Me: any 2…
Customer: are you sure?
Me: yes…
(this continues with every number, I cannot convince the customer that numbers don’t have capitals)

We’re studying Shakespeare in English class, and our teacher divides us into groups and gives us scenes from his plays to perform. My group gets Julius Caesar, particularly the “Friends, Romans, countrymen…” scene. A friend of mine from another group agrees to “play” Julius Caesar’s corpse, hidden under a white sheet. 

We are practising one afternoon in front of the class and I am partway through the massive speech when our teacher decides the rest of the group isn’t acting devastated enough at Caesar’s assassination. He has me start again and joins the others. 

We get to the part again where the Plebeians get angry over Caesar’s death, and our teacher is overly dramatic in pretending to grieve. My friend under the sheet is struggling not to laugh. 

The teacher, noticing the sheet shaking, shouts, “Caesar lives! Ho! He lives!”

This is too much and everyone falls about laughing. Another group has to take over and practice in front of the class while we all compose ourselves.