Using His Outdoor Voice Inside

, | Healthy | November 17, 2017

(I am opening the clinic, getting to work at 8:30 am when we open at 9:00 am. I am an avid believer of keeping the shutters closed and main lights off until I am completely ready to accept people. I leave the back-door unlocked for the remainder of staff to come in, as not everyone has a key. The back door has a ‘Staff Only’ sign. Walking around the department in the dark, paper-like bed sheets in my arms, I hear a strange yelling sound. Outside it is incredibly windy and the back door is unlocked so I assume it has something to do with that. While replacing toilet paper in the bathrooms, there is another yell. This time I poke my head out the back door and see nothing. I am finally behind the desk logging into the systems when a loud slamming sound makes me jump and in full view of the back room across the hall I see an unhappy older man march in. The lights are still off. The shutters out front are closed. There are no escape doors for me. The setting made it seem terrifying, but I really only stood there in shock. It is 8:40 am.)

Patient: *yelling as he walks up* “Your doors are closed! I have an appointment at nine!”

Me: “Y-Yes. We don’t open for another twenty minutes, sir.”

Patient: “I have an appointment! Do you expect me to wait outside in the cold? I’m not waiting outside!”

(I am still genuinely scared and consider calling the police because he is being very aggressive and I fear for my safety. Then I think, why is he not waiting in his car? Did he expect everyone to open twenty minutes early just because he was there?)

Me: “I’m not prepared to take anyone yet. That’s why everything is still closed. My computer hasn’t finished signing in.”

Patient: “FINE! I’ll wait here! I’m not waiting outside!”

(Still scared, but somewhat mad now, I left the desk and made myself busy. Then I went to the tea room and waited until 8:50. Meanwhile, the techs had come in with strange looks, wanting to know what the man’s situation was. After that, I returned, turned on the lights, and opened the shutters. His car was parked outside. Point of the story: patients genuinely scare staff when they get like this. When it comes to people’s health, they are capable of anything. I thought he was going to hit me!)

Will Not Be Host To Your Charges

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I work at a bowling alley, hosting children’s birthday parties. The parents of this party have come up to pay, and are separating the party package into each part, rather than buying the full package.)

Cashier: “The total cost of your party, including the shoe hire, one game of bowling, five tokens per guest, and party host comes to [total].”

Mum: “What was that last part?”

Cashier: The party host, [My Name], is part of the package. They help organise the party, and part of each package goes towards their pay.”

Mum: *grumbles but pays, but later returns to her husband and explains the payment* “And we had to pay for the party host, too!”

Dad: “Why would we pay for her?”

(The kicker? A party host costs $10 out of a $200+ package. Parents, if you would like to take care of your kids for $10, please, be my guest.)

Enclosed In A Guilt Cage

, , , , , , , | Learning | November 15, 2017

I am at a zoo with my school to learn about the animals, and one of the volunteers asks if there are any questions. I can’t remember my exact question, but I say something about “cages.”

The woman goes very stern and says, “We say, ‘enclosures!’”

Guilty, much?

Zombie Weddings: It’s The Next Big Thing

, , , , , | Romantic | November 15, 2017

(My hubby and I are watching a family on on [Video Website]. They’re vlogging at their sister’s wedding. The vlogger is dancing with his sister during the father-daughter dance.)

Husband: “Why is he doing that?”

Me: “He walked her down the aisle.”

Husband: “Oh. One of those types of fathers?”

Me: “What?”

Husband: “The type of father that doesn’t come to their daughter’s wedding.”

Me: “I think the father is dead.”

Husband: “Oh, okay! That’s a good excuse.”

The Complements Are Complimentary

, , , , , | Learning | November 14, 2017

(We have just finished a test and we have started a new topic: probability. We are talking about complements, which are mutually exclusive events, and our teacher is telling us not to get confused with compliments.)

Teacher: “…so, never confuse your complements.” *walks up to me* “[My Name], your marks on the test were the highest in the class.”

Me: *getting excited* “What?!”

Teacher: *to class* “See? Don’t use that type of compliment.”

Class: “OOOOOOH!”

(I giggled a little, though I felt shocked and sad. Fingers crossed; I still might have gotten good marks on the test.)

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