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Trolley Folly

, , , , | Right | November 1, 2022

Customer: “Your abandoned trolleys are clogging up the foyer in my apartment building!”

Me: “Oh, I wonder how they got there.”

Customer: “Oh, I’ve been using them to bring my shopping home!”

I escalated it to the manager, who basically told her to bring them back or we’d call the police and accuse her of stealing store property!

Only Takes A Bag To Turn Them Into A Windbag

, , , | Right | October 31, 2022

Recently, the home-brand cereal has changed from a cardboard box to a plastic bag.

Customer: “Where are the cardboard box ones?”

I explained to her the situation.

Customer: “I hope you’re f****** happy! You’ve just ruined my week!”

She then THREW the plastic bag of cereal at me and stormed off.

Eighty Kilometers Of Terrible Communication

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2022

Client: “We’ll lock in the job in for February 20th in Brisbane. We can pick you up from the airport.”

Me: “Sounds good. I’ll book my flights now.”

On February 20th:

Me: “I’m about to board my flight. I’ll be in Brisbane in two hours. Can you still pick me up?”

Client: “We’re actually on the Gold Coast at the moment. Can you make it here?”

A Fifteen-Minute Drive Ahead Of The Bosses

, , , , , , , | Working | October 25, 2022

Years ago, I got hired by a company that had just been bought out by a much larger parent company that owned a lot of other sub-companies. The new management kept saying “nothing’s going to change,” but the more they said it, the more things changed. That was no big surprise, really; even as a newcomer, I could see that coming.

Six months after I joined, they decided to build a new head office for our city on the other side of the city, but they promised that the current branch would remain open (which actually did happen, what a shock).

Construction took about nine months from announcing their decision to being ready to move in. Halfway through construction, they announced that apart from management, one particular buyer would be moving to the new office, and a rumour went around that he might be taking someone to work with him from the old office.

Shortly before moving, everyone from sales, data processing, and a few other departments was called up one at a time to speak with the general manager. I presume everyone got a similar spiel that finished off with a request that “nothing gets discussed with your colleagues until we’ve spoken with everyone.”

The pitch was they wanted people to think about moving to the new office.

Me: “Yes, I’ll do it.”

General Manager: “No, you’ve misunderstood. We just want you to think about relocating.”

Me: “I get that. I’m saying yes.”

General Manager: “No, [My Name], you just need to think about it now.”

Me: *Laughing* “I have been thinking about the possibility since I saw where you were building the new branch. You’ll be a fifteen-minute drive or a twenty-five-minute push bike ride from where I live, as opposed to the hour or so of motorised travel or hour and twenty minutes on public transport to work I have at the moment. I’ve only been here for about a year, about a month or two before you arrived here. I get along well with my coworkers, but I’m sure I’ll keep in touch with them and make new friends and relationships at the new branch if I go. You’re providing parking for staff, which will be much better than here, where there’s no staff parking and street parking is thin on the ground. All in all, moving has lots of benefits and few losses, which is why I’m saying yes.”

General Manager: *Shocked* “I didn’t think anyone would have gone that far. Thanks for letting us know. We’ll update everyone soon.”

I didn’t tell him that I knew at least three other people who had mentioned in casual conversation that they would go if needed to but would rather stay where they were because, for them, staying would be easier.

Not soon after, I was offered a position at the new branch, and it came as no surprise to them that I accepted.

It’s funny when the “masters” get smacked in the face by the drones, thinking outside the boxes they’ve placed us in.

Swollen Ankles Off The Stern, Captain!

, , , , , , | Working | October 24, 2022

I’m an avid swimmer; it’s my favourite way to keep active due to some old knee injuries precluding me from high-impact sports. I normally swim every morning except Sundays, just some lazy laps in the local pool.

A few months ago, after years of trying, I fell pregnant! While I was incredibly excited, morning sickness hit hard and I didn’t swim for a few months.

Around week eighteen, I FINALLY don’t want to throw up all the time and decide to pop in for a swim. The employees, who I all know by name, haven’t seen me in months, and by now, I look like I am smuggling half a watermelon under my bathers.

Girl: “Hi, you! Long time no see!”

Me: “Hi!” *Gesturing to my stomach* “I didn’t think you’d fancy cleaning vomit out of the pool, so I stayed away for a bit. Back now, though!”

The very friendly girl sets me up in my usual end lane and chats excitedly about my pregnancy. A male employee I’ve never met before wanders up to the desk.

Girl: “Hey, [Guy], this is [My Name]. She was in here almost every day before you showed up.”

The male employee greets me warmly and then notices my protruding belly.

Guy: “Are you pregnant? And going swimming?”

I cringe, as my mother-in-law buys into the old wives’ tales about pregnant women not being supposed to swim. However, before I can say anything, he excitedly shouts:


I almost cried laughing. I’m due in a month and still go for my regular swim. Every time that employee sees me, he excitedly makes sonar noises. I love that guy.

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