(My nieces call my mother “Nana.” They also love the movie “Sing,” which has a character named Nana. This usually prompts us to say the character’s full name, but once I forget, and this happens.)

Me: “Do you like Nana?”

Niece: “Yeah.”

Me: *to niece as we hear the garage door open* “Nana’s home!”

Niece: *points at iPad, where she’s watching ‘Sing’* “Nana here.”

Me: “No, Nana, not Nana Noodleman!”

Niece: *forcefully* “Nana HERE!”

(Since then, I’m careful to call the character Nana Noodleman at all times.)

(I have had some variation of this conversation more times than I ever would have expected.)

Customer: “Hey, I have this project I’m making, but I don’t want to sew it.”

Me: “No problem! We have some fabric glues I can show you.”

Customer: “Actually, I thought I’d just use Velcro.”

Me: “Oh, okay. Do you need the seam to open?”

Customer: “No, I just want it to stay together.”

Me: “And… how are you planning to attach the Velcro to the fabric?”

Customer: “Um…”

Me: “You would have to either sew it or use fabric glue. And if you don’t need it to open, you might as well save yourself the step.”

Customer: *pause* “Where is the fabric glue, again?”

(I guess Velcro isn’t as intuitive as I thought!)

This story is part of our Crafting Roundup!

Read the next Crafting Roundup story!

Read the Crafting Roundup!

(I’m an assistant manager at a well-known retailer for young girls. It’s back-to-school time, which generally attracts some less-than-stellar customers. A woman in her 40s or 50s approaches me at the cash register, holding a watch we sell.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Is this a watch?”

Me: *confused* “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

Customer: “But is it, like, a real watch?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is a real watch.”

Customer: “So, it works? Like, it tells time and everything?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. It’s a watch. It tells time. Like a clock, but smaller.”

Customer: “Okay! Thank you!”

Me: *turns to an associate* “Did that just happen?”

(A customer comes in to return two items. She does not have a receipt or the boxes for either product. She looks like a hippie version of a Jersey Shore cast member.)

Me: “Without a receipt or the original boxes, we can only do an exchange or give you the money back on a merchandise credit.”

Customer: “Oh, no, that won’t work. I really need the money, and I can’t use these products on my face because my friend just started an organic skin care line. I only use organic products on my face now. Please, I just really need the money.”

(My manager is right next to me. I explain the situation and she tells her the same thing I did. She continues to ask if we can call someone else over. We call another manager over, who tells her the same thing.)

Customer: “Please, I need the money for my rent. Can I buy something with the merchandise credit and return it and get cash back?”

Manager: “No, we can only refund in the original form of payment.”

(She decides to take the merchandise credit, which is over $100. I ask for her email for our rewards program.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t trust computers, except for Facebook!”

(I show her some products she’s interested in. She proceeds to apply a lipstick directly to her lips without it being cleaned off and disinfected. Thinking this would be a concern, since she only wants organic products, I tell her I can clean it off for her.)

Customer: “Oh, I don’t care!”

(When she checked out, she spent the whole merchandise credit, plus $30. I thought she “really needed the money.”)

(My sister and her family are currently living with us, which results in some hilarious moments when her toddlers, ages two and four, get into things. This happens with the two-year-old. She always brings us our things when she finds them, from phones to shoes.)

Sister: “Yeah, [Sister’s Husband] was just saying– does [Two-Year-Old] have your vape?!”

Mom: “What?!”

(They both run to the living room as I’m bent over, talking to my other niece.)

Me: “[Four-Year-Old], do you want to play Barbies?”

Four-Year-Old: “[Two-Year-Old] got Nana’s vape!”

Mom: “She just hit the button; don’t worry.”

Sister: “No, Mom, she blew smoke out of her d*** mouth! [Two-Year-Old]!”

Mom: *laughing* “What the f***?! She normally brings it to us!”

(By this time, I’m in the living room, doubled over laughing. The two-year-old, who long ago decided I’m her favorite person, waddles up to me.)

Two-Year-Old: “[My Name], more!”

Me: “You want more of Nana’s vape?”

Two-Year-Old: “Yeah!” *claps and hops*

Sister: “H***, no! [Sister’s Husband]! [Two-Year-Old] just sucked Mom’s f****** vape!”

(None of us have any idea how my niece managed to successfully work the vape, but she was unharmed, and this will definitely be a story to tell for years!)