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The Sound Of Angry Silence

, , , , , , | Right | July 31, 2019

I’m working at a counter in the children’s department, reading a lengthy memo about sales from corporate. I’ve been looking down reading for perhaps two minutes and when I look up there’s a man standing there, fuming. I’m startled since he hasn’t said anything and has been standing out of my line of sight.

I ask him if he needs help and he continues to rant and rave to me about how awful I am at my job. He looks at my name tag and keeps repeating my name and saying how I need to “get it together.” I explain to him that he was out of my line of sight and that I’m visually impaired.

That shuts him up.

He then, of course, goes and complains to my manager saying that if I’m so visually impaired I should have a bell he could have pressed. He could have just said something to me while I was reading, but he was silent. Idiot.

No ID-ea How This Works

, , , , | Right | February 28, 2019

(The store’s policy states that everyone who looks under forty gets ID’d for tobacco or alcohol. No exceptions, and once the cashier has asked for ID you must produce one to purchase the product. One day, a very young-looking woman approaches my till. I also look very young; no one has ever been able to guess my age correctly, so I’m a bit more careful when ID’ing women.)

Customer: “Can I get two packs of cigarettes?”

Me: “Sure! Do you have your ID on you?”

Customer: *immediately gets irritated* “Seriously? You know I’m over eighteen!”

Me: “Yes, I’m sorry, but it’s company policy to ID anyone who looks to be under forty. I don’t want to get in trouble.”

Customer: “I’m way older than you, that’s for sure! I’m over forty-two!”

Me: “Be that as it may, I need an ID before I can process a transaction. I’d get in trouble if I just handed over the cigarettes.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous!”

(She stomps towards the door, not indicating if she’s coming back, so I set the cigarettes aside and wait a few moments to see if she comes back, and she does. She almost throws her ID at me.)

Me: “Thank you, ma’am. Your total is [price].”

Customer: “Whatever, just finish ringing me up.”

Me: “Okay, here’s your receipt and your bag. Have a good day!”

Customer: “Whatever.”

(This story has a somewhat satisfying ending. Because I set the cigarettes aside, they never made it into her bag. She ended up having to come back about fifteen minutes later with a pissy, self-absorbed look on her face. I just handed them to her without a word.)

That Kind Of Thinking Got You Pregnant In The First Place

, , , , , , | Romantic | February 11, 2019

(I’m six months pregnant and don’t have many maternity clothes, so I throw on a dress and tights before going to work.)

Husband: “You look really nice today.”

Me: “I ran out of pants that fit.”

Husband: “You’re carrying our child. You are the hottest woman in the world, even more so without pants.”

That’s How You Slide Out Of The Tape

, , , , | Romantic | February 1, 2019

(My girlfriend and I like going on road trips. This time, we’re flying to Austin to meet friends, then taking a rental car to San Francisco. Since we came by plane, there are a few things that we plan on buying at the starting point; for example, a big cooler box to sit in the back seat of the car — very useful on the road, but not something you’d take on the plane. We’ll buy one at the start of the trip and donate it at the destination before boarding the plane home. We are now joining our friend at the supermarket to shop for the last two things we need.)

Friend: “So, what are you and [Girlfriend] looking for, exactly?”

Me: “Duct tape and massage oil.”

Friend: *falling over backward laughing*

(I swear it made total sense to buy exactly those two things at exactly that point of time, not kinky at all!)

A Cup Of Mary With Your Cup Of Joe

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I’m taking the order of a woman talking on her cell when this exchange occurs.)

Customer: “Grande mocha, whole milk.” *goes back to talking on her phone*

Me: “Whipped cream on that?”

Customer: “Mary.”

Me: “Would you like whipped cream, ma’am?”

Customer: “Mary!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, would you—”

Customer: “M… A… R… “

Me:Mary! Would you like whipped cream?!

Customer: “Oh… Yeah.”