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An Entitlement Buffet, Part 2

, , , , , , | Right | June 22, 2020

Breakfast in our restaurant consists of either a breakfast buffet, with everything one could possibly want for breakfast including drinks, or an a la carte menu that usually ends up costing more.

An old cowboy type is sitting cross-armed and frowning at one of my tables.

Me: “Good morni—”

The customer speaks without looking at me.

Customer: “Coffee!”

Me: “Sure, I’ll be right back with—”

Customer: “Don’t run off; I’m ready to order! I want three eggs scrambled, bacon, ham, white toast, and an orange juice.”

Me: “Sure, I can have that right out for you; however, just so you are aware, our breakfast bar does have all of that for a little less. It has fresh fruit, yogurt, pastries and bread, all the breakfast meats, and a chef that will make you eggs and omelets to order.”

This must somehow offend him because, seething, he barks at me:


I did not see fit to correct him that profit margins on the a la carte items are far higher but instead happily rang in every item individually as he had requested, amounting to approximately $30 — about twelve dollars more than he would have paid had he walked the twenty feet to the buffet.

An Entitlement Buffet

The Killer In Vanilla

, , , , | Right | June 17, 2020

My manager rings up a customer and I’ve just handed off his plain latte.

Customer: “Excuse me, miss. Could you sweeten this up a little for me?”

Me: “Sure.”

I reach for the sweetener.

Customer: “Actually, I’d prefer some vanilla syrup, if you don’t mind.”

I add one pump of vanilla.

Customer: “A few more… like, four pumps.”

Me: “Okay, but I’ll have to charge you for it.”

Customer: “What?! Why?”

Me: “Because you’re asking me to make you a vanilla latte when you only paid for a latte.”

Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: “It’s [amount].”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe you’d charge that much for a few squirts of syrup!”

My manager walks up.

Manager: “Is there a problem?”

Customer: “You bet there is! She’s trying to gouge me just for adding a little syrup!”

Manager: “How much we talkin’ about here?”

Me: “Four pumps.”

Customer: “Every other place I’ve been has never charged me for this.”

Manager: “So, every other place you go to, you deliberately order and pay for a plain latte only to have the barista add the vanilla after you’ve paid?”

The customer’s face turned red as he snatched his drink from the counter and left.

Getting Past The Fox Firewall Of Ignorance

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2020

Me: “What Internet browser are you using?”

Caller: “Windows 7.”

Me: “What do you use to navigate the Internet with?”

Caller: “Oh! Time Warner Cable!”

Me: “No, no… What do you click on? What application do you use when you want to surf the web?”

Caller: “Google.”

Me: “Google Chrome?”

Caller: “No, just Google.”

Me: “You mean www-dot-google-dot-com?”

Caller: “Yes!”

Me: “No… that’s a search provider, still not your browser.”

Caller: “I’m sorry, I’m very computer illiterate.”

Me: “Do any of these sound familiar; Windows Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome, Apple Safari, Op—”

Caller: “Yes! That one!”

Me: “Which one?”

Caller: “Fox Fire!”

Me: “Close enough…” *starts troubleshooting*

Look Inside To Find The Answers You Seek

, , , , | Right | October 25, 2019

(A woman comes to the registers with an opened wireless mouse. Note that most wireless mice at the time keep the USB attachment inside the mouse’s battery case to prevent loss.)

Customer: “I need to return this.”

Me: “Certainly. Might I ask why?”

(It’s our standard question; we’ll take back almost anything, but I need to know why so I can mark it as saleable or damaged.)

Customer: “It didn’t have the little USB thing.”

(The customer points to the already opened and thoroughly inspected packaging.)

Me: “Woah, really?”

Customer: “Yeah, I looked everywhere.”

Me: “Huh, not even on the inside?”

Customer: “Not even… inside?”

(I open up the mouse’s battery pack and sure enough, there’s the USB.)

Customer: “I don’t need to return this.”

Wouldn’t Believe It If It Wasn’t On Camera!

, , , , , , | Legal | September 25, 2019

(I manage a small art supply store in a college town. One day early in the semester, a young man comes in and asks for help in putting together a set of oil painting supplies as cheaply as possible. I go around the store with him for several minutes, adding things to his basket.)

Customer: *asking out of the blue* “Do you have security cameras?”

(I look around at the many “You’re on camera!” signs around the store, figuring he must be joking.)

Me: *chirpy voice* “That would be telling!”

Customer: “Oh.”

(He set down the basket and left the store. Nice to know some thieves are easily discouraged!)