Unfiltered Story #140402

, , , | Unfiltered | February 17, 2019

I’m waiting on two middle aged ladies who have decided to split an entree that is intended for one person. It’s not a large meal, and this occurs as I’m clearing their plates. It should also be noted that I’m a very small, petite woman.

Me: Are y’all all done here? Can I go ahead and grab this out of your way?

Lady #1: Yes, thank you. That was so good! And there was so much food!

Lady #2: Yeah, I can’t believe we finished all of that! I’m so full!

Me: I’m glad you both enjoyed it! That’s one of my favorite meals here.

Lady #2: You eat all of that by yourself?! But you’re so small!

Me: Oh yes, seafood doesn’t really fill me up too much.

That Kind Of Thinking Got You Pregnant In The First Place

, , , , , , | Romantic | February 11, 2019

(I’m six months pregnant and don’t have many maternity clothes, so I throw on a dress and tights before going to work.)

Husband: “You look really nice today.”

Me: “I ran out of pants that fit.”

Husband: “You’re carrying our child. You are the hottest woman in the world, even more so without pants.”

1 Thumbs
444

That’s How You Slide Out Of The Tape

, , , , | Romantic | February 1, 2019

(My girlfriend and I like going on road trips. This time, we’re flying to Austin to meet friends, then taking a rental car to San Francisco. Since we came by plane, there are a few things that we plan on buying at the starting point; for example, a big cooler box to sit in the back seat of the car — very useful on the road, but not something you’d take on the plane. We’ll buy one at the start of the trip and donate it at the destination before boarding the plane home. We are now joining our friend at the supermarket to shop for the last two things we need.)

Friend: “So, what are you and [Girlfriend] looking for, exactly?”

Me: “Duct tape and massage oil.”

Friend: *falling over backward laughing*

(I swear it made total sense to buy exactly those two things at exactly that point of time, not kinky at all!)

1 Thumbs
257

Unfiltered Story #137186

, , , | Unfiltered | January 26, 2019

Me (Answering phone): Thank you for calling [Fabric Store], how can I help you?

Customer (on the other end of a crackly line): Yes, thank you, I was wondering if you had any more of your fifty-gallon oil drums in stock?

Me (trying to figure out what I’d misheard):  Uh…are you looking for oilcloth?

Customer: No, the fifty-gallon oil drums.  You were out last time I checked and I wanted to see if you’d gotten them back in.

(I’m still straining to figure out what our phone line could possibly be garbling so bad.)

Me: We don’t carry oil drums.

Customer: But you said you were going to get them back in last time I called.

Me: Wait, did you mean to call [Tool Store] next door?

Customer:  …wait, what store is this?

Me: [Fabric Store].

Customer:  Oh.  Sorry.  I’ll try them.

(Still haven’t figured out how he got our numbers mixed up!)

A Cup Of Mary With Your Cup Of Joe

, , , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I’m taking the order of a woman talking on her cell when this exchange occurs.)

Customer: “Grande mocha, whole milk.” *goes back to talking on her phone*

Me: “Whipped cream on that?”

Customer: “Mary.”

Me: “Would you like whipped cream, ma’am?”

Customer: “Mary!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, would you—”

Customer: “M… A… R… “

Me:Mary! Would you like whipped cream?!

Customer: “Oh… Yeah.”

1 Thumbs
643