Unfiltered Story #155546

, , , | Unfiltered | June 26, 2019

(I am the snack cashier for a well-known movie theater. Recently, we installed a dine-in feature. However, the cafeteria was being worked on, so we were giving out “Free Entree” coupons with their tickets as a compensation; we could still get customers drinks and candy though. Not every customer understood this.)
(*A teenage couple walks up*)
Me: Hi, thanks for choosing [Theater]. May I get you anything?
Boyfriend: *Hands me coupon* Yeah, I’d like a medium pizza and two large drinks.
Me:*Hands him two large cups* I’m sorry sir, our kitchen isn’t able to take any orders for food at the moment. Would you like some snacks instead?
Boyfriend: So how long will that take?
Me:*Blank stare*
Boyfriend: To get the pizza, you know? God, why do they hire you guys?
Me: Sir, we can’t make the pizza you want because our kitchen is undergoing maintenance.
Boyfriend: Right. How long?
Me: Sir, that could take a long time. Would you like some candy or popcorn instead?
Boyfriend: No! I DEMAND to have that pizza! I have the coupon!
Me: Sir, I respectfully acknowledge your request. However, we literally CANNOT make that pizza. That coupon is for a later date when the kitchen is functional again.
Boyfriend: Just get me my godd*** pizza, woman!
Girlfriend: Hey, [boyfriend’s name], the kitchen is broken. Let’s just get some candy and soda, then come back when it isn’t, okay?
Boyfriend: Oh, okay. Why didn’t the stupid cashier just SAY that?
Me and Girlfriend: *Synchronized eye-rolling*
Boyfriend: What?

(They went to their theater room without further complaint. I hope the girlfriend enjoyed her movie! I never saw them again!)

You Just Brightened Their Day

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2018

(We’re in the lobby of the animal hospital where I work. It has several large windows that look out towards the parking lot. Dark clouds have rolled in and it looks like rain. A client sitting on a bench with her dog doesn’t quite yell at me, but definitely speaks loud enough at me to make stop dead in my tracks.)

Client: “Hey! You know, you guys can turn the lights on at any moment. It getting dark out there!”

Me: *cautiously* “Are those prescription sunglasses you’re wearing?”

(The client’s jaw drops as she takes off her sunglasses, then hides her face from me.)

Client: “I’m so f****** embarrassed.”

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Has Some Hangups About The Belch

, , , , , | Related | November 26, 2017

(It’s the mid 90s, I’m about 15 years old, and my brother is in his early 20s. My brother gives me a comic that he found. It is the #1 issue of “The Man of Steel,” and he’s convinced that he is gifting me something that is worth hundreds – possibly thousands – of dollars. There’s only one comic book store in town, and he thinks I should call them and see if they are willing to buy it since I really could use the money. I pick up the phone after looking up the number, but as soon as I go to dial, my brother takes the phone from me and says that HE should call, since the comic shop will not want to “talk to a kid.” He dials the number and I can hear the phone ringing in the earpiece from where I’m sitting.)

Employee: “[Comic and Coin Shop], how can I help you?”

(My brother, at that very moment, tries to hold in a loud burp that springs up from the depths of the pit he calls a stomach. However, all he manages to do is slightly muffle the brunt of the guttural explosion, puffing up his cheeks, and making a disgustingly wet, rasping, and hissing noise right into the microphone. Then he tries to carry on with the phone call, as if he didn’t just electronically belch in the guy’s ear, and waves his free hand in a “hang on a second” gesture as if the man was able to see it.)

Brother: “Yeah, we, w- we, we, we, wa-w-w-wait, wait, wait—”

(Somehow, he manages one more belch. Then there’s silence.)

Brother: *looking angry and genuinely confused at the same time, looks at the handset* “He hung up on me.”

Me: “You f******* think so?”

(After some hard laughter on my part, I called the comic store myself, and found out the comic was worth about $10. To this day I can’t tell — or even write — this story without laughing. I don’t think I’ll ever sell that comic.)

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A Hug For Thanksgiving

, , , , , , | Hopeless | November 21, 2017

(I am shopping in a grocery store with my two-year-old son. My son is VERY shy. It has been a tough few years; my son’s father had an accident and couldn’t work. We went from a two-income family of three to a one-income family of four. All of our savings has been spent in the last two years, and I am calculating my overtime pay to try and serve Thanksgiving supper. We pick out a whole chicken to roast, a bag of discount potatoes, and a few apples. We get into line. My son runs into stranger in front of us, and wraps himself around the stranger’s legs.)

Son: “You look so nice; I just want to hug you.”

Stranger: “Why, thank you, young man!”

Me: “Oh, my. He is usually so shy. I am sorry for the intrusion.”

(We chat about small things: football, weather… Our financial situation never comes up.)

Stranger: “Is this Thanksgiving supper?”

Me: “Yes, sir. Gonna make roast chicken and potatoes for the family.”

Stranger: *to cashier he has just approached* “I would like to buy her groceries; please add them to my bill.”

(To the unnamed angel who helped us: I was able to keep our lights on due to your kindness. It was only $25, but that made the difference in having heat and no dinner, or dinner and no heat. You, sir, restored my faith in humanity.)

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I’m Speaking American But I Sound Swiss

, , , , , | Working | October 2, 2017

(I am driving home one night after a draining day of work. There’s a chicken fast food place on my right that I’m kind of in the mood for, but I remember there’s a burger place on my left that’s known for their fresh burgers. Fresh sounds better than fried this night, so I decided to go there instead. I pull up to the speaker box, and after about 45 seconds a lady announces herself.)

Worker: “How can I help you?”

Me: “Hello there. Can I have a double deluxe burger basket? And can I have it with Swiss cheese instead?”

(I always ask for this; there’s a small up-charge, but I don’t mind.)

Worker: “It already has cheese.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Worker: “The double deluxe burger already has cheese.”

Me: “I know that; I just want Swiss cheese instead.”

Worker: “But it comes with American cheese on it. Is that what you want?”

Me: “No, I want the double deluxe with Swiss cheese instead of the American.”

Worker: “But it comes with American… You want me to put the Swiss cheese on top of that American cheese, too?”

(My brain is frazzled, I’m tired, I want to go home, and I am convinced I’ll get a wrong order, no matter what I do.)

Me: “Okay. I’m done here.”

(I drove to the other side of the road and got the fried chicken, instead. Apparently I got there right after a freshly-fried batch was finished, too!)

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